Using a white lie to appear less odd?

Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

TheSperg
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

03 Jul 2014, 4:05 am

This would involve using a non-malicious lie to make people more tolerant of your oddness, so if you don't believe that is moral well........

Has anyone ever thought about using the greater tolerance of oddness people have for foreigners to make them less put off by your personal oddness? This could work socially but also in a job interview situation, just claim one parent was a foreigner and you grew up in/spent most of your childhood and teen years in that parent's foreign home nation.

Odd affect and eccentric word use, lack of fashion sense or unusual styles, not picking up on jokes or subtle humor, unusual diet preferences, these are all things people just accept about those who spent a large part of their life in a foreign country or culture.

It is often said aspies enjoy travel or dating outside their home nation because their quirks are forgiven more easily, I'm just using that same idea and turning it around to work for you in your home nation. :)



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

03 Jul 2014, 5:25 am

I tell white lies a lot. I don't see why so many Aspies think it's bad. I am not a compulsive liar, I just use white lies when needed, and I know how to use them too.


_________________
Female


izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

03 Jul 2014, 6:28 am

i don't use white lies so much, i'd rather just keep quiet about certain things.
if asked directly, i either disclose fully, or i keep the answer cryptic, but usually a (white) lie doesn't make things easier.

for example, if i have to leave a gathering due to getting overwhelmed, there's no reason to lie, i just tell the host that i'm very tired and need to rest, neglecting to mention that the gathering is the reason why i'm tired in the first place: they do not need to know that and they typically don't ask either, so it works for everyone.

not that white lies are bad, i use them quite often in other situations (like the dreaded "how does this dress look"), but i prefer not to when it comes to my symptoms, it's just easier if the people around me know partial truth



b9
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2008
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,003
Location: australia

03 Jul 2014, 7:34 am

Quote:
Using a white lie to appear less odd?


i do not care if i seem odd to others. nothing i do is against the law. nothing i wish to do is against the law either, so i will proceed to do as i want how i want when i want.



CyclopsSummers
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,172
Location: The Netherlands

03 Jul 2014, 7:53 am

Well, I actually happen to be a 'foreigner' in the eyes of many, even though I was born here. I'm a person-of-colour (mixed race) in a predominantly white society. I can tell you, this actually works AGAINST me.

It's because the stereotypes and expectations about my ethnic/cultural background are decidedly un-autistic (i.e. they expect me to be gregarious, social, talkative, warm, etc. etc.), so when they see my aloofness, it plays against the expectations in a kind of unpleasant way.

However, curiously, I'm generally more accepted by white crowds than I am by POC/foreign crowds, because I've found the former tend to be more understanding of folks who go their own way and who prefer solitude and who are a bit eccentric/quirky. I've experienced that any larger group of POC's here in Holland are more likely to be dismissive of my aloofness, social awkwardness, eccentricity, and also my atheism and my bisexuality/androgyny.


_________________
clarity of thought before rashness of action


BuyerBeware
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,476
Location: PA, USA

03 Jul 2014, 8:33 am

White lies are social axle grease and oil. They lubricate the engine and make things turn without metal grinding and friction shutting the system down.

Aspies hate them for a few reasons.

1) Black and white thinking. "Lies are bad, period." We have a hard time compartmentalizing to understand, "These lies are OK in these situations. When Aunt Betsy shows up at the reunion in an ugly aqua pantsuit, tell her it looks nice. If, however, you are standing in the dressing room at Clothing Store (R) when she's trying on said pantsuit, you might want to direct her toward something more flattering."

2) We tend to fail to recognize the white lies when they're told to us. When someone says, "You're fine," we believe it. And then end up humiliated because, actually, they were telling a polite white lie, and we didn't pick up on the subtle cues and SHUT UP ANYWAY. We NEED the honest data. THEY DON'T.

I see nothing wrong with saying you lived in a foreign country if it helps people be more comfortable with your quirks. It's certainly safer than using the A-word. Word of caution, though: You are going to run into someone who wants to hear stories about growing up in Country X. You might want to either think up a different white lie, or do a lot of research about life wherever you're claiming to be from. And make sure they don't meet your family, because they WILL bring it up (it's desirable conversational material) and you will be found out, humiliated, and distrusted from there on out.


_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"


Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,539
Location: Europe

09 Aug 2014, 1:48 pm

CyclopsSummers wrote:
Well, I actually happen to be a 'foreigner' in the eyes of many, even though I was born here. I'm a person-of-colour (mixed race) in a predominantly white society. I can tell you, this actually works AGAINST me.

It's because the stereotypes and expectations about my ethnic/cultural background are decidedly un-autistic (i.e. they expect me to be gregarious, social, talkative, warm, etc. etc.), so when they see my aloofness, it plays against the expectations in a kind of unpleasant way.

However, curiously, I'm generally more accepted by white crowds than I am by POC/foreign crowds, because I've found the former tend to be more understanding of folks who go their own way and who prefer solitude and who are a bit eccentric/quirky. I've experienced that any larger group of POC's here in Holland are more likely to be dismissive of my aloofness, social awkwardness, eccentricity, and also my atheism and my bisexuality/androgyny.


Wow, I am Dutch and mixed race too and my experiences are so much the same. They expect me to be all sassy and funny because I'm half Surinamese. I just do not fulfill any stereotype which people cannot grasp. I think it even puts me at a disadvantage when it comes to dating here in the Netherlands.



BeggingTurtle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,374
Location: New England

09 Aug 2014, 9:13 pm

I am always telling white lies. But if you know me, you can tell.

I also have a concrete set of realistic lies for certain scenarios, just in case.


_________________
Shedding your shell can be hard.
Diagnosed Level 1 autism, Tourettes + ADHD + OCD age 9, recovering Borderline personality disorder (age 16)


rapidroy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,411
Location: Ontario Canada

09 Aug 2014, 11:05 pm

I could not tell a lie as elaborate as the one the OP describes, I do leave out information that I think can be left out and would be detrimental to my cause. I can also on a very basic level generalize to have sort of a glossing over effect on the facts I'd rather ignore although people usually can pick out the parts I'm trying to hide if they want too. I can't outright tell a lie though, I just cant.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,963
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

10 Aug 2014, 11:01 am

Not really sure how that is a white lie, I mean that is essentially lying about your entire life up until now...seems like more than a white lie. Also usually people who have lived in another country for most their life with a foriegn parent or whatever have somewhat of an accent. Also what country would you say you grew up in? I don't know just seems like it could prove to be a hard 'lie' to keep up.

If you're that intent on keeping it a secret its autism that makes you seem odd, you could say you have brain damage....grew up and was homeschooled in the country so hadn't had as much exposure to social situations....though do people usually ask why you are odd? I mean it could also be suspicious if you seem to have an overly intent need to explain why you are odd....so the person might think 'wow why is this person so desperate to tell me this.' they might not even really care to know 'why'.


_________________
We won't go back.