Is it just me or everyone else?

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I was diagnosed with Mild High-functioning Aspergers at age three. Since then, I've had issues with self-esteem and fitting in at home and school. I've sometimes considered whether maybe some problems I've had are really because of my Aspergers or maybe it's the people around me. For example, my dad and stepmom criticized me for "projecting" my "negative feelings" on people because I had low self-esteem and thought I was a failure at everything I did. Is it my Aspergers not registering something, or is it something else?

I am confused about how you would be projecting negative feelings on people by having low self esteem....projecting ones one feelings is usually more about assuming the other persons intentions based on your own. So like if you assumed someone did/said something due to a low self esteem sort of issue where that wasn't the case...due to having low self esteem and no awareness that the other person does not, that would be projecting.

So not sure your parents even know what the hell they are talking about.

That said its probably not the Aspergers in itself, but people with the condition commonly have co-morbids, depression and anxiety are fairly common and can certainly contribute to low self esteem.

+1

I've notice more than not that people will accuse you of projecting negativity because they don't think you are projecting positivity as it relates to them.
That is in their own judgment they cannot assign a "positive" meaning to what you have said/done because it doesn't seem to serve their own identities in any way, particularly to validate their identities.

If you subscribe to Attachment Theory it's clear ASDs are going to have difficulties forming said developmental attachments. One possible result of which is supposed to be the development of the so-called the Alien Self, an inaccurate self-concept. Because this is disturbing, one way to relieve the stress is to project these ideas onto others.

This fairly accurately represents my situation, as I have little concept of others beyond the physical anyway it is easy to project. I suspect some of us with co-morbid anxiety and depression may be the ones more susceptible to this.

I'm not saying this describes you, I don't know enough about the situation, but perhaps it's one possibility.

If they truly are saying that they think you're a failure, then they are failing to understand your issues, and are probably leaping to pop-psychology about projecting.

The flip side could be that you may need some help with coping tools. One possible tool could be CBT. I'd like to also recommend reading up on 'mindfulness' and practicing it regularly.

It's difficult to really know your situation without assuming a whole bunch of things, but it does sound like you and your parents are all struggling with knowing what to do.

As for being a failure at everything, I think Aspies often struggle to find fulfilling activities, careers and relationships, but when we do, it can transform such feelings and help us to feel that we've found our place. I get that from writing. People tell me I'm successful at my job and in my family, but I'm my own worst critic on both of those things. Writing takes me away from all that - I get in 'the zone' and I'm content. I didn't find that until I was in my forties, but I'm glad I did finally find it. And... I'm sure you will too, hopefully sooner than I did.