How do you guys manage to be blunt?

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It seems a lot of Aspies say that they are blunt and tell the absolute truth, either morally (because you hate to tell a fib) or automatically (unaware that you are being blunt and not intending to be mean or anything).

For those who just prefer to be blunt, how do you do it without feeling awkward or guilty? I have always found being blunt the most hardest thing to do. I am hypersensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings, so I find myself sugarcoating a lot of things rather than just be blunt and say what I really think. Example:-

NT: Am I too bossy?
What I'm thinking: Yes you bloody well are!
What my instinct tells me: I think she knows that she's bossy to me, but will still be awkward to just say what I'm thinking.
What I actually say: No you're not that bossy. Don't be silly!
What my most honest answer would be: Well, not exactly, sometimes if you're perhaps in a bad mood, but we can all get like that sometimes.
What I just would find difficult to say: Yes you are bossy.

That last one is the blunt answer what a lot of Aspies would prefer to say. But if I was that blunt, I would feel embarrassed, guilty and awkward. It would play on my mind for days. I guess I am too lenient with people.

Is this unusual for an Aspie?

I'd never feel guilty for giving the truth. I hate misinformation quite a lot. Of course I try and be tactful and if I'm blunt it's often to make a point because it doesn't always get through unless you are.

I don't think I'm that way due to ASD though, just my personality and also some family members can be blunt too. Not because of ASD but necessity.

Being blunt is not helpful in most casual conversation IMO, because it's human nature to be readily offended by unexpected criticisms. Being blunt only makes a criticism seem all the more critical, like there's no exception, in the case of your boss, they are just very bossy. It implies in some way, that they are perceived as bossy all the time. Nobody wants to be told that nor feel that way.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

I respect others enough to "believe" they CAN handle the truth.

Sometimes I have to literally make that choice, to assume they're tough enough to be told they have spinach in their teeth. In black & white thinking that means handle anything.

From a certain point of view it's kind of rude to "play God" and assume they can't cope.

Sometimes you can be blunt yet get away with it. If you said to your boss they are bossy then gave a jokey grin and then say something you like about them.

My thought process has a slow reaction time compared to my mouth... as in I just blurt stuff out before I've had a chance to think about it and the possible effects it might have.
Which is why I prefer writing...
I also hate lying, and I hate making people feel bad, so I try to think before I speak to be tactful, but doesn't always work... and sometimes what I think should be fine to say to someone turns out to be the complete opposite (like when I was trying to comfort a girl through online chat on the 7th year anniversary of her mother's death and I said something cheesy like "your mom wouldn't want you to be living in the dark." Something about obsessing on the death and letting it eat her up inside... However, the girl took it to mean that she should just move on and forget her mom...)... So I try to just not say anything anymore except a canned response...

My brother just doesn't care and tells the truth no matter how blunt he makes it. He has no tact at all and doesn't care. My dad is like me and my mom is sorta in between. She thinks she has tact, but often she can say blunt tactless things and not realize it.

How to Be Blunt:

1) Never worry about other people's feelings. No matter what you say (or post on a website), someone is going to be offended anyway - this may not always be the case, but it is the prevailing condition. "Yeah ... truth sucks, doesn't it?"

2) Stick to the facts. Assumptions, conspiracy theories, faith-based claims, gossip, suspicion, tabloid news-pieces, and urban legends are not facts - this may not always be the case, but it is the prevailing condition. "I don't have to be right all of the time; it just works out that way!"

3) Always give your honest opinion, but only if asked. Eventually, people will stop asking. "... but, you didn't want me to LIE, now did you?"

4) State the obvious, especially when asked "Why?". Example: "Why aren't girls interested in me?" // "Because you're not interesting to girls."

5) Avoid political correctness - it does not promote tolerance; it merely promotes superficial communication and a lack of honesty in those who practice it.

Advantages to Being Blunt:

1) Eventually, you will be surrounded by honest, straight-talking people, having driven off all of those whiny, emo-types and attention-whores who seem to twist your every word into a snide comment against them.

2) Eventually, you will be known as one of those people who say what they mean and mean what they say. This will make dishonest people avoid you, but who wants to be surrounded by liars anyway?

3) Eventually, the boss will respect your opinion, even while your co-workers make every attempt to discredit you and belittle your accomplishments - your record will speak for itself, especially when compared to theirs.

4) Eventually, even your enemies may come around to expressing a degree of respect for you, even if their next sentence is an insult. They're likely jealous, that's all.

5) Eventually, there will be more people who trust you than those who don't; and those who don't trust you will find few (if any) allies.

Disadvantages to Being Blunt:

1) People who were looking for pleasant lies from you will curse you for giving them the unpleasant truth instead.

2) People will avoid asking you for advice, preferring instead to let their familiar problems continue to plague them.

3) People will try to undermine your reputation with lies, false evidence, and sabotage; but if you are careful, they will eventually expose themselves, and save you the trouble of doing it for them.

4) You will attract all kinds of charlatans, confidence artists, and poseurs, each one trying to trick you into believing in their particular flim-flam (i.e., astrology, conspiracy theories, magic and psychic forces, religious superstition, et cetera). These people are rarely worth engaging, except for the thrill of exposing their lies and delusions.

5) Your "friends" will "accidentally" forget to invite you to their celebrations; but who wants to hang around with delusional, dishonest, and overly-sensitive people who can not tolerate honesty and truthfulness? Someone who is desperate for friendship, even if it is faked.

Yeah, lol

being blunt is the bane of my existence.
I do it all the time, it's almost as if I don't have a filter on my mind.
and socially speaking, it scares me to death. let's just say I have had problems with it, socially speaking.
however in a general, universal way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
it's really just saying what you see.
not that I walk around being blunt to everyone, I have at long last developed the ability to reign in those ponies. 50% of the time , I reckon. however you spell that word, rein ? Arrrgh

when it comes to rude people, I just unleash my bluntness.
because I can be blunt with no end, without getting angry, because I'm simply just stating what is. but I do this to rude people because I know that getting angry makes you always lose the argument. anger makes you seem that you have lost. which in the social NT world that is true. it's a kind of " the first person to flinch losses" , type of thing. except replace the word flinch with anger.

what's amazing is that I can win probably 20 to 50 arguments with angry and rude people and not even get tired, because I am just being blunt to them. and they don't even realize it. and they don't realize why they are losing. which is extremely
hilarious to me.

don't get me wrong, dealing with people does tire me, so probably after 30 or 40 people I would get very tired. and being around angry and stupid people and does affect you as well. so I wouldn't recommend doing that, not that you could do that in real life anyway. at least do it and get away with it.

if I were a Sith Lord , my bequeathed name would be Darth Bluntious

The impression I created when I was in a job seems to have been that I lacked diplomacy and could upset a number of people, though I was often unaware of that until later. My family and people I have known socially have often said or implied that I tend to express opinions in a very strong or even extreme way. So yes, it seems that a high degree of 'bluntness' is natural for me.

Nonetheless, in a way similar to that described by Joe90, there are the odd occasions when I've avoided being blunt. On one occasion, the couple who lived in the flat below me were soon to move out, and one of them asked me "Will you miss us?" Now I got on reasonably well with them, had shared the odd bottle of wine with them whilst watching a video, or whatever, but had little in common with them and, quite honestly, was looking forward to the prospect of a few weeks of peace and quiet in the building, as they were always rowing and were generally very noisy. So the truth was that I wouldn't miss them, but couldn't bring myself to give an answer as brutal as that, and had no wish to offend them, so I lamely (and probably very unconvincingly) said something like "Yes, of course". But I was still annoyed inside, firstly at myself for not being honest, and secondly at them for asking me a question which 'put me on the spot' and was none of their business anyway.

Then there was the guy at work who used to 'greet' me almost every Monday morning for about a dozen years with the question, "Good Weekend?". Generally speaking I'd have had a not very 'good weekend', as we had to work Saturdays and I had a lot of work-related stuff to attend to on Sunday, plus I had much the same sort of coping problems and life-issues to deal with that most people on this site have had. Nonetheless I must have innately realized that he wouldn't really want to hear an honest answer, so just used to mumble 'Yeah', or something similar. Once again though it irritated me: why the hell couldn't the guy just have said 'Good Morning' or 'Hello' (even I could've dealt with that!)? And I never used to ask him how his weekend had been (maybe I was expected to?), not out of rudeness, but simply because I wouldn't have seen what business that was of mine. I suppose that whole attitude represented a form of 'bluntness' though.

All of this stuff was around 15-20 years ago. Maybe I'd deal better with it now, maybe not, but it's an academic question, as I've become a very unsocial person indeed and no longer have a job.

I am not even aware I am. It has been pointed out to me I am. I do not know what I say may offend or hurt others. I don't say hurtful things or be mean about it. If someone asked me if I think they are bossy, it would be "yes" or "no" or "sometimes" or "I don't know" or "you can be." My husband said I would make a terrible nurse and psychologist and my aunt and uncle think I say what I think and the exactly the way things are and think it's a good thing. My ex just thought I was self centered lol.

There are times when I know to keep quiet like if someone is ranting and it's very obvious they are not looking for advice or not wanting to hear my opinion about it when they are obviously wrong or delusional because they want me to agree with them and be on their side so all I do is just listen and not say a word. Or when someone asks a blunt question, I keep quiet too. I have no idea if they want an honest answer or an answer they want to hear so I feel too nervous to answer and I don't want any drama. I also answer "I don't know" when I don't know how to answer, online I just ignore it.

The annoying thing is when my mom asks me a blunt question and it's something I don't even care about, she expects me to have an opinion on everything. When I don't care about something, it's hard for me to have an opinion. Like I don't care what she wears so it bugs me when she comes and asks me "what do you think of this outfit?" and she thinks I can't be honest with her because I have no opinion because she says "Come on you can tell me?" Then she takes it off saying "I guess you don't like it since you don't care."

I used to be blunt when I was a lad. My whole family was blunt with each other. My first wife and I were pretty blunt to each other too. It was just a matter of saying the first thing that came into my head. After I left my first wife I started to get more careful about what I said, for some reason. Bluntness is still my native tongue (I'm from Yorkshire), but I started to see that it gets very misconstrued, and even in my family a bit of tact would have done a lot of good. It was tough learning diplomatspeak, and I'm still not sure I've got it all, but it comes much more natural now and I enjoy doing my best to express my honest opinion without trampling all over people's sensitivities. It's also nice to be able to flip back into blunt mode if I encounter a jerk who doesn't have me over a barrel. Not likely to be necessary here of course.

I don't think that Aspies are intentionally blunt. I also don't think that Aspies feel embarrassed or awkward about it. I mean it just happens. For instance, a friend of ours was going to the doctor to have a colonoscopy. The next time I saw the friend I asked her how the colonoscopy went. My wife and other friends just stared at me. It wasn't a question I was supposed to ask her. If that was the case why did the friend disclose the information that she was going to the doctor to have a colonoscopy in the first place. Shouldn't she have kept the information secret so I wouldn't ask the question. So I guess there is some unwritten law with NT's that some sensitive matters can be raised as long as they are not openly discussed with their friends.

A bossy person does not mean my boss. I was giving an example, including a forceful, impatient person.

I tend to be blunt, especially when I drop my guard down. As when I am talking to family. But I have my faux pases even when I try my best not to - sometimes I just forget myself and don't figure fast enough that telling the truth might be a bad idea.

But even when I keep my guard up I won't tell a lie. I won't tell "No" if I mean "Yes". I will sugarcoat or change my own thoughts.

For example yesterday I was visiting a friend that opinion I care about.
Her mom brought us some pancakes. I tried them and discovered a weird taste. Mint, they added mint to the pancake filling.
- Mint. - I said, as a state of fact.
My friend found my reaction odd and asked if I dislike mint.
I started wondering. Do I like mint? Well, it isn't my favorite taste but it's edible so I couldn't say I dislike it because if I dislike something I am unable to eat it (aka - I convinced myself I don't dislike mint because I find mint edible).
- I can't say I dislike mint. I was surprised since I didn't expect mint taste in pancakes. In my house mint is used as a medicine, not spice. It's unusual. - I answered and forced myself to eat the pancake.

If my mom or grandma presented me such pancake I would say it tastes weird, take the filling out, go to kitchen and make my own filling. But it's not something you do in a stranger house. "You eat what they give you." - that's a rule I learned as a kid.


Btw. If someone asked me if he is too bossy and I thought it's really the case I would probably just say "That's right." but it depends who the person was. I often answer this way when my close ones tell stuff like that which sometimes causes me trouble, especially if I blurt the "True." to my dad without realizing he says stuff because he is angry and wants to make me feel guilty, not to agree.
But if I heard something like this for example from a teacher or superior at work I would leave it without an answer as if it was a rhetorical question or simply shrug my shoulders.