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hollowmoon
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18 Aug 2014, 7:36 am

ignore



Last edited by hollowmoon on 18 Aug 2014, 9:58 am, edited 2 times in total.

SilverProteus
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18 Aug 2014, 7:45 am

To me it sounds like the problem isn't you. 8O Does this happen only with this particular girl?


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hollowmoon
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18 Aug 2014, 7:49 am

SilverProteus wrote:
To me it sounds like the problem isn't you. 8O Does this happen only with this particular girl?


nope it happens everytime I am in contact with people.



RetroGamer87
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18 Aug 2014, 7:58 am

Walk on eggshells when you're around anyone but very close friends or immediate family and always speak in a cheery, energetic tone of voice even when you're miserable.
That's what I do.

(I was I was being sarcastic but I'm not)



kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2014, 8:00 am

Truthfully, most people are NOT like that person the OP mentioned.

I'd find better people to hang out with.



SilverProteus
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18 Aug 2014, 8:20 am

I would guess that you're sending out all the wrong nonverbal cues as there's nothing inherently offensive about what you said. :?


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hollowmoon
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18 Aug 2014, 8:26 am

SilverProteus wrote:
I would guess that you're sending out all the wrong nonverbal cues as there's nothing inherently offensive about what you said. :?


what would the wrong non verbal cues be so I can stop doing them?



kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2014, 8:44 am

I, myself, would have to actually see you.

But....really....most people are NOT like the person you alluded to earlier. She's a bad representative of a human being.



SilverProteus
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18 Aug 2014, 8:47 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I, myself, would have to actually see you.


Me too, I would have to know see what you're doing and recognise it myself before I could try and give you some pointers.


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hollowmoon
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18 Aug 2014, 9:01 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I, myself, would have to actually see you.

But....really....most people are NOT like the person you alluded to earlier. She's a bad representative of a human being.


what do you mean see me? What do I look like?



SilverProteus
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18 Aug 2014, 9:14 am

See your interactions and your nonverbal cues. Like, what's your voice tone like? In my experience, this is the major cause. What's your stance like? How do you carry yourself? Do you come off as a know-it-all as well when you're not trying to be? Do you tend to stare at people when you talk to them? Etc.


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hollowmoon
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18 Aug 2014, 9:36 am

SilverProteus wrote:
See your interactions and your nonverbal cues. Like, what's your voice tone like? In my experience, this is the major cause. What's your stance like? How do you carry yourself? Do you come off as a know-it-all as well when you're not trying to be? Do you tend to stare at people when you talk to them? Etc.


oh okay, even if the words are friendly why would it matter?



kraftiekortie
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18 Aug 2014, 9:44 am

Because actions are seen as being "louder" than words. There are many people who don't trust "words" per se; they only trust actions.



VisInsita
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18 Aug 2014, 10:23 am

I think in the second example the negative interpretation of your intentions came from the second sentence. The first sentence (Nice necklace. Where did you get it from?) is neutral and shows interest towards the person. However in the second sentence you offer an answer, an interpretation of your own: the necklace is borrowed. So the girl probably (my interpretation) got offended, since from her point of view the thing that from all possible other interpretations you chose borrowed has to have a meaning. That choice has meaning since it?s not the general, the most obvious case (Usually people say Nice X. Where did you get it/bought it?). That led to an interpretation of you implying that she doesn?t either have the taste to choose a nice necklace or the money to buy it.

Also the type of sentences you gave as examples can be interpreted as condescending, because people who actually have a hideous way of putting others down, use that type of sentences. First they say Nice X and then in the next sentence something condescending about it.

In social situations the safest bet is to use as neutral sentences as possible without own interpretations. You could for example make questions that show interest and offer the person a chance to answer (Nice necklace! Where did you get it from?). Ask questions without your own interpretation and let people answer. They love it.