Correcting People

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Do you thirst for justice? Feel like you need to tell people when they do wrong? Well I do and I have had mixed results with it. My AS has caused me to say some things to people that I probably shouldn't have (almost got beat up more than a few times). I have gotten much better over the years, learning that certain people just don't want to hear certain things. But I still feel as though I need to say certain things to certain people if it affects me and others.

Now obviously I am intelligent enough that if I know of a major crime, I will alert the proper authorities discretely (I would never mess with anyone that could possibly kill me). But it is the minor things that people do that really piss me off and cause me to say things. These are things like people using cell phones while driving, not signaling when turning, not recycling, people leaving shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot, generally not paying attention to signs, etc, etc. My current pet peeve is people parking right next to the ATM at the bank rather than using the designated spots (and also people going in the outlet and vice versa). Forgetting about my own quirks, this is actually dangerous because where these people park there is literally only one car length of distance that someone could get hit when they turn into the bank parking lot. Twice now I have told people not to do this and I always get "relax buddy" or something else sarcastic (when I think they really should just apologize). I have also asked the bank staff to enforce this more than once but it has not yet been done. Just today I almost hit this guy's car and/or his girlfriend just because he was too lazy to park somewhere else to drop her off and he gave me attitude about it when he drove past me on the other side.

Am I wrong? Am I crossing lines in telling people things? I wish I could let some of this stuff go but I can't. It just really pisses me off that people cut corners like this. Are people this lazy? How is it that they are able to get away with so much in life? How is it that they are all pairing up? What do their significant others think about what they do? In my opinion they don't deserve anyone. People like me who do the right things in life are the ones who deserve someone special. If there really is a God/Heaven, I hope these people have to work extra hard to pay off all the hedonistic behavior and corner-cutting they engage in before they get their wings and halos.

I sometimes forget to use my car signal, I'm human. I can't always put away a shopping cart with small children when I am alone and what do you do if the wheel locks (those things act stupid sometimes)? Should I drag it across the lot to the cart return? But I certainly won't leave it it where cars can hit it or leave it in the middle of a parking spot.

Some people just simply do not care but I won't make a fuss about a shopping cart because I always think that cart may have been used by a mother with small children. People who don't signal, maybe they forgot to turn it on and they thought they had it on. That has happened to me and then I realize I didn't have it on as I turn. Also why do people feel the need to signal when they go in my lane up ahead of me, I only find that necessary if there are lot of cars. Why do they even feel the need to signal to get off the interstate? No one has to put on their breaks when they are getting off.

My husband was annoyed once with a pedestrian not wearing any reflective or blinking gear but only because it was a safety issue and he was trying to cross and no one saw him so cars kept on driving despite the pedestrian sign flashing and I was the only one who stopped because of the sign that got my attention and seeing a car that was slowed down and kept on going and then a car behind me stopped too when I was stopped and the guy crossed finally. I didn't even see him and if it weren't for that sign I would have kept on going. I suspect the other cars didn't see him so they kept on driving after slowing down thinking it was an error or someone hit the button and kept on walking. It would have been hypocritical of me to be mad about it too because I get off work when it's dark and I am not wearing any gear to catch the driver's attention but I watch for traffic when I cross and I walk on the sidewalk. The guy was watching for traffic too before he crossed and then he did finally when both cars were in complete stop and he made sure we wouldn't keep on moving.

I think it's dangerous to tell people what they are doing is wrong because look at what happened to the guy in England who got punched for confronting a bicyclist on the sidewalk. But I hear he used a racial slur so that was why he got punched and I don't know if it was the N word he used but I hear some black people will beat you up for using that word. So is it wrong to confront people when you correct them? I wouldn't say it's wrong, I call it dangerous when you do it to a stranger because you do not know them. You don't know what they may do to you. I have gotten annoyed when I saw someone throw a butt on the ground or forget their garbage or when I saw a guy spitting on the train and that disgusted me and I had to hold back yelling at him to stop it and that is so disgusting. I have seen people confront other people like the other night I was going home and someone behind me was using bad language and the lady sitting next to me kept scolding them about it and said "We don't want to hear your bad language."
Trying to correct someone on the road can lead to road rage so even the DMV manual will tell you to ignore it, let them pass, don't return any gestures to them if you see them doing road rage. Even my driver's ed teacher told me in high school to not tease the drivers because you don't know if they will try and run you off the road or take out a gun and shoot you. My mom said the same too. I do wonder if you can get a ticket for that or be held partially responsible. I live by, "let them get a ticket, let them get in a car accident, it's their problem, not mine." It would be my problem if I got involved because they crashed into me or I rear ended them because they cut me off.

You think they should apologise?! To who? You?.. Why?
I'm a big fan of the slogan "Live and let live". You don'tknow why they're doing that. Maybe they're in a hurry because their wife just went into labour or because their child is sick and about to vomit in the back seat of the car...they might also just be lazy, but without the background, you are in no place to decide how everyone must behave (assuming it's not hurting anyone). I guarantee you that you're not a perfect human being either (nothing personal- nobody is).

Edit to add: you're on a pretty high horse aren't you? Just read the last paragraph properly.
I think seeing value in people despite their flaws is admirable. Not having flaws is just...bull s**t.

I try to mind my own business, I'm so in my head that messing with other people like that makes me start thinking crazy thoughts like they might kill me or something. I don't think that's healthy but I just stay out of people's ways and worry about myself, I am not a cop or their parent so I have no authority over them.

I look at it that other people seem to feel entitled to correct me, and get away with it, and when I try the same nothing but trouble. So I try not to compete on their terms, by complaining about people. Sometimes I do get upset by the unfairness, but things go better when I try not to correct people.

So I wouldn't say your way is wrong, but I do think it's ineffective and if you can't let it go when people don't listen to you correct them, either you learn to let things go or stop correcting them.

Also it's been my experience generally that adults only listen when corrected when they're beng paid to listen (like by their supervisor), when they are paying for instruction, and when they feel cared about/helped by the corrective information (for example "excuse me, you forgot your glasses on the table, here they are").

I don't spend too much time correcting others, I know beforehand that "communications issues" would arise; that others may not be playing by the same set of rules as mine (good manners, good personal hygiene, obeying the law, etc). Having said that, my internal sense of fairness often makes me want to correct or confront them. What's that old expression? "You can't teach a pig to sing, it wastes time and annoys the pig" That expression may be applicable to wanting to correct people.

I dislike it when people try to correct me, and the closer the person is to me, the more I resent the correction. I understand that many NT conversations involve repartee - a little verbal sparring, but still find that I have to be careful.

I'll describe it another way. I sometimes have a gap or black hole, where "normal" social interactions should exist. So, innocent questions, posed as ice-breakers or social banter may put my defensive mechanisms on alert.

Some questions are particularly nasty sounding, such as:
"Why do you always.....?"
"Are you sure....?"
Enough of those types of questions; rumination and doubt may creep in.

In a conversation, I may block out the other person if their conversation becomes too much like an interrogation. I also dislike it when the other person "senses" the gap that I described; maybe I pause for too long; and the questions become even more nudgy. If the other person's voice gets strident or edgy, they find themselves interrogating a wall.

I'll end this with an idiotic NT question and a good comeback:
I was seated in front of a computer, at work. An NT co-worker (who could never shut up) walked by, saw me at work and seriously proclaimed "Are you on the computer?"
My response was: "No, I am in front of it"

I think you are concerned with objective information and assessments, and with justice/fairness by using the model that you are held to by other people. People expect you to use logic and what they call common sense to do certain things, while at the same time they show hypocritical behaviors.
I think that is the what and why of what you do. Is it wrong? No not really.

Is it crossing lines? Yes I think it is.
Your expectations of consistency and justice clash head on with most people's sense of identity and their place in hierarchy.

For them, being corrected is an attack on their reality and threat to their perceived position in hierarchy. Who are you to correct them?
But yes it's ok for them to correct you.
That's just how most people are.
It's not at all about the actual information for them. It doesn't matter to them if what you say makes more sense than what they had thought before. All they care about is their identity and power/place in relation to other people.

It's not possible for most people to stand in front of you while you're telling them something useful and for them to actually hear the information that you're trying to communicate.
All they hear is you threatening them in some way. That's how identities work. The identity controls them, not the other way around.

The lack of intuitive behaviors during social interaction only makes this problem worse.
You may be pleading with them to please take a more efficient approach, but they read it as a threat and you have to be just an a**h*** with a bad attitude.

Welcome to Earth.

@the OP

You are certainly not wrong for wanting to correct or actually correcting people who do objectively wrong things such as ignoring the law, parking where they have no right to, vandalizing public places and so on. However, doing the right thing (correcting people in this case) is not always the best in a practical sense and for your safety because you may have to face very unpleasant consequences. Often those that need correcting are what I call "trash" people. Trash people are not fully civilized and it's impossible to reason with them. Basically they only care about themselves and they tend to be aggressive. If you DO try to correct them, then you have to have a good skill in dealing with confrontational situations with such people. Most of us with ASD are not really skilled in that sort of thing.

I hate those trashes that smoke in the "No Smoking" areas. If they were the kinds of people that could be corrected, they wouldn't be smoking in the first place. So their smoking shows their "I don't care about other people" mentality. They most likely will turn aggressive if anyone tries to correct them (or their smoking itself can be considered as a sign of aggression).

I want to add that it is wrong to try to "correct" someone that you think is doing a wrong thing. For example, someone once tried to make me give my seat to an old woman on the bus. I ignored him because I have no obligation to give my seat to anyone and he seemed to have picked me because I was male. There were young women around but he specifically picked me. So I believe he was trying to impose his self-righteous sexist "manners" on me.

Regarding deserving a partner, I think those trash people deserve to have their trash partners. My point is that people who have similar values tend to get along with each other and become partners. If you see the trashes around, they tend to have similar sorts as their partners. You need to find someone with similar values.