When can you correct someone?

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I can't be the only person who notices this. Whenever I correct someone, I get called a 'know-it-all,' for a lack of better term. But whenever someone corrects me - they do it in such a way that suggests they have the authority to do so, but I am not allowed to.

And I am not doing it to try and be a know-it-all, I just feel like it adds to the conversation. So it gets frustrating - and I don't know when I am supposed to provide correction vs. just letting someone go about their lives with incorrect information - whether it is directions to a place, or what the meaning of something on a menu is.

I keep my mouth shut 90% of the time, but it never fails - as soon as I say something I get called a name, and everybody laughs.

How do you know when you can and can't correct someone...and how do you do it without them getting mad at you?

I usually phrase my corrections in the form of a question ("Do you mean X, Y and Z instead of A, B and C?"). That helps blunt the sharpness of being corrected for most people. It isn't the best solution, but it helps.

I have tried that as well. But I suppose it is really a matter of how insecure the person you are speaking with really is. A person that I work with becomes very combative if you even ask a question regarding what they have said. Which I think comes from a place of insecurity.

Very true. A person who sees you as simply a helper with his or her own intellect will eventually come to like your corrections. The others....

Personally I make my corrections sound like this:
- Wait a moment. Shouldn't it be <my correction>? I was always thinking so...
Instead of applying they are incorrect I ask them if I am the one who is wrong. They wonder about it for a while and usually accept the correction.
I rarely experience any laughs and name callings. Unless I point out someones words switch. They call me "sticking to details" then. But it is different matter. When someone says incorrect word because he was thinking about something else I get confused and I have to correct them "You mean <correct word>, right?" because I am confused until they confirm. I would rather to be called names then confused.

My understanding is that people don't like being corrected because they don't like being WRONG - they take being wrong or corrected as a sort of insult to their intelligence. Sometimes it may seem like we live in an anti-intellectual society, but people do like to think they're smart.

It would be better if they didn't do this, but many still do. I've long thought that true intelligence is about learning, and being proven wrong sometimes! Every time I find out I'm wrong about something, I improve my overall worldview.

What I like to do, if I correct, is approach it like I might be the one in error. And sometimes, that ends up being true! I'm not right 100% of the time either. And if I'm indeed right, there's a good chance they'll admit it as they use THEIR intelligence to decide if I'm indeed in error or not.

Like that what the above two said.
If you wanna correct someone you often have to feign modesty. Even if they are REALLY boneheaded. For example:


"Ummm.... are you SURE that the head honcho of the Southern Army in the American Civil War was Bruce Lee (star of "Enter the Dragon")?

I kinda think it was an unrelated guy named Robert E..... Lee. But I COULD be wrong!! !! !!"

Instead of:

"YOU DUMBASS! How can you confuse a Chinese American martial arts star with a White Plantation owner in the old South!?!?!?!?"

Sometimes you have to bite your tongue. But its all in the name of ettiquette.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 13 Aug 2014, 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've always thought it was Robert E. Lee! Was it a different Bruce Lee than the one I'm thinking of?

After asking myself the automatic questions (automatic for me ): Am I sure I'm right and can I back the claim up? I then ask myself the critical follow-up question: Is this fact IMPORTANT?

I like to choose my battles.

BTW, them teasing you about it could mean they think you're being irrelevant, and they probably think you're doing it on purpose just to put attention back on yourself. That sounds crazy to someone who values facts and accuracy, but to a person who sees conversation as a way to pass the time and form bonds (and who probably isn't going to remember the facts of the conversation for very long anyway, as a result), it makes perfect sense.

Whenever you want to.

Here is a great practical example of a child suggesting the construction of a perpetual motion machine, and a way of responding to the situation without pointing out bluntly that the concept of a perpetual motion machine is fundamentally flawed: http://youtu.be/rRmu7RKE4dI?t=1h16m

In that kind of situation I would have a hard time beating around the bush as extensively as in the example above.

Along similar lines, sales people are taught never to contradict a prospect in a sales conversation with "no ..." or "but ...". Instead sales people are taught to continue the conversation along the lines of "... and we should also consider ...", "... yes, and additionally ..." or similar, even if what follows the "and ..." is completely inconsistent with the previous statements made.

Of course I get the idea, but I have a really hard time with it in practice. Even worse, if someone takes this approach to contradict factual statements I have made, I get highly irritated, because I would prefer to hear an honest "but I disagree". Using inconsistent "and" logic simply throws back the ball to the other conversation partner, who is either forced to reiterate the point in other words, or to give up in frustration.

I practiced last night with my 6 yr old son. He was trying to explain to me that Green Arrow and Hawkeye had a baby together and that is where Red Arrow comes from.

I tried to first explain that they were from different universes (Marvel/DC). Then I tried to explain to him that two men cannot have a baby together (which was a slightly awkward conversation). And then I tried to explain that Red Arrow was actually a side kick to Green Arrow and not his son. But he wouldn't budge.

I was bested by a 6 yr old - despite my best efforts to correct him.

But since he is on the spectrum as well - we just went at like it was a discussion rather than a competition.

I wish I could have more conversations like that with adults.

I tend to over-correct people. It's really hard to have to bit my tongue sometimes.

Sometimes I'll correct my wife and she'll tell me I'm still wrong. So then I challenge her to a bet. She's very smart and has figured out the amount I bet is in direct proportion to just how sure I know I'm correct. So, I now have to figure out how much I can bet to reel her in and make some real money but still be reasonable sure I'm not going to lose my shirt by being wrong (me, be wrong, nah... never happens right?).

Anyhow, we have a lot of fun with this but I don't dare try it with other people.

Turns out I'm not always correct after all (contrary to my own thinking ).

Yep. If you sense that the person you're wanting to correct is this type of person, best correct them alone, and not in front of their peers as they can't handle perceived humiliation too well. If they still get angry at you, then it's their issue, not yours. Some people are simply like that. Weird.

Try and make it less personal, so that the person feels less like you're attacking them and doesn't go on the defensive.

In my experience teachers have the most difficult time being corrected, especially in front of a class, because it erodes confidence in their "expertise" and they're overly sensitive to that sort of thing.

I agree with what you say in regards to teachers. I work in education, but not as a faculty member. And now that students have access to information that is vastly more up to date that what is found in their textbooks, professors are having to figure out how to deal with that.

Some - aren't dealing with it very well. Others are taking it as an opportunity to show students how to have an open dialogue, bringing their findings to light in a professional way - rather than simply raising their hands and tell the professor that they are wrong.

I correct my classmates a lot, even my teachers! It's just something I can't tolerate.
One time, my English teacher made a grammar mistake and I corrected him and since then, my classmates seem to rely more on me than the teacher although my English isn't perfect at all!

They assumed it's just the way I am already, but I know they don't like when I correct them. Paradoxically, my parents seems to know me the best and they're the most annoyed when it comes to correct them.

I think you have to be more cautious when it comes to correct people, and even shut up if they're a little bit insecure. Also, we're often called 'know-it-all' and that's something we don't want, so it's better to keep quiet sometimes