A Mental Ship Wreck..

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+ I have OCD (including related tics)
+ I feel like I think too much, and can't stop myself from thinking
+ I have excessive cognitive dissonance
+ I'm excessively bothered by small things
+ I'm always making mistakes (even in the smallest of ways)

I could add a ton more, but for reasons of brevity I won't.

I feel as if I'm in a permanent, yet undetectable state of stress (undetectable, as I feel content at the same time, due to what I will say below) that all of the above either contributes, or could be attributed to. I don't know what to do.

All the time I think that I'll be capable of doing something, or that I'll enjoy something, and the complete opposite turns out to be true. When I try to analyze myself outside real-time, it feels as if I'm making excuses or artificially inflating the consequences. An example that I commonly used with my old counselor was the formatting of my work - it had to be perfect. Regardless, I always see all my perfectionistic behaviours as something I'd never do, when I'm not doing them. Next thing you know, I'm compulsively acting perfectionistic, and the issue hits me like a bullet once again. It's almost as if I depersonalize myself.

I haven't described this well (and I never truly can). I do not have an ASD, but I feel I can more readily relate to many of you, than to anybody in my real life, including my family..
..so if you can relate to this, please describe your relevant experiences.

when I was younger and full of piss and vinegar, I could say every bit of what you said, but as I've grown older and gradually more senescent, a lot has mellowed out.

Hey Norny,

You're a very smart guy; I'm wondering if merely sitting back for a couple of days, and "taking a vacation" from yourself might do you some good. There's nothing wrong with studying autism; quite possibly, what you learn will become useful at a future date.

I know you're going to Uni--perhaps the coursework might be overwhelming, despite how intelligent you are. I can relate to your feelings. When I went to Uni as a very old man for a student (age 36), I felt so overwhelmed that I started shaking on the subway and started talking to myself. Then I just went back home, looked over my syllabus and my assignments, and just tried to organize myself. You could do it; you have the brains. Just forget about being irritated by the demands people place on you.

Yep....there are autistic people who don't like NT's too much--there will always be somebody who doesn't like anything too much. You know how you feel about the issue--people don't want to budge from their opinions. The only way people change is if they want to change, especially on the internet.

The internet isn't the place to change attitudes--there's too much anonymity on the internet for many arguments to have any impact. People see the internet as a haven from having to change their attitudes; it's a place to vent, instead..

My attitude is: opinions are like a***holes, everybody has one. Forget what people think of your ideas. Forget what people think of YOU. You know you have a good perspective on autism. You've learned about it through your actual experiences with people.

Just sit back, and smell the roses for a few days. Watch a little crap TV, knowing it's crap TV, and that you'll learn nothing from it. Just laugh gently at the absurdity.

I am hoping this is the case.



Thanks for the overly kind words. XD



The work is a problem, but only so because of the other stressors in my life. I assume that it would have likely been the case with you as well. The back of my mind is constantly ravaged by what does not seem to be a problem for others, and I can attribute many of those things to my being gay and clinical OCD. I say clinical as my OCD is real - these days it seems like a trend for people to refer to certain behaviours of theirs as being 'OCD' (e.g. 'god I can't stop straightening my papers I'm so OCD!'). Lacking social skills etc. does not help.

I don't really wish to extrapolate on my issues, as it can be intoxicating to read a never-ending personal rant where improvement is seemingly not seen as an option.



Assuming NT strictly means not autistic, then I am NT. I don't take personal offense from the comments, but they frustrate me because the relevant comments seem to contradict the nature of this board. I can attempt to convince myself not to reply or to overlook them but I won't be able to force them from my head until I've written a post that explains my position. I can't ignore a post (I have to read it) due to compulsive urges, so it makes it next to impossible to avoid getting into arguments, despite knowing that it would be far more appropriate to not do that. Relevant to my original post, I know exactly how I should be behaving and how I want to behave, but I can't stray from what I seem to force upon myself.



As much as I convince myself that I don't care what others think of me, I always feel a shock of anxiety when I'm attacked. I know and can think that what they're saying is illogical or out of spite etc. but it never ceases to cause the same feeling - one that I have no idea how to prevent. I'm not insecure (I am comfortable with my opinion and being swayed in the presence of evidence), but it's as if I've been conditioned to feel shock like a Pavlovian dog.



While I write posts on this forum, I simultaneously watch movies or documentaries. It causes an affect that I personally have just now decided to call a 'punchbowl of consciousness'.

I would never advocate that you don't express your opinions--it's part and parcel of human discourse. I express my opinions all the time--sometimes in a rather vociferous fashion. There are times when I fall into the trap of getting angry/irritated at a person who is trying to bait me; this happened the other day, actually.

I advocate, only, that you don't let other people's opinions affect you in such a way that it interferes with your happiness.

When you're in a forum which contains perhaps a thousand "regulars" at any one time, you're going run into the entire spectrum (no pun intended!) of potential opinions. WrongPlanet is no exception. It is a microcosm of the entire internet; it reminds me how not so very different autistic people are, in comparison with "regular" people."

Somebody is bound to disagree with you. For whatever reason, there are those who will disagree with you in a more extreme way than most. The reasoning behind that varies; probably, most of it has nothing to do with you as a person.

Like I stated previously, I am an advocate of people speaking their minds. I am not, however, an advocate of letting people get to me because of their opinions upon a given subject. You arrived at your opinions after much thought--and you know you did. That's what counts. As long as you're not deliberately trying to hurt someone who is vulnerable, why not express your views on a subject?

There are 7 billion people; there are 7 billion opinions. If the present autism incidence is correct, that would mean there are about 40 million people with autism, who possess 40 million opinions.