Do you think I have aspergers?

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Hi. I read an article which included the diagnostic criteria for AS a couple of months back, and realised than the areas which I have trouble with in life matched up with the criteria, so I conducted some research, the results of which largely indicated that AS was a possibility. However, I feel uncomfortable going through the diagnostic process whilst still living at home ( I'm 16). So, in light of that I have decided to consult the best specialists available to me in the anonymous sphere of the Internet - i.e. the autism community on Wrong Planet. Anyway, I'm going to list some of my experiences and traits which may indicate AS, as well as some ways in which I feel I do not exhibit symptoms, for balance.

Social Skills (and whatnot)

I realised that I am completely unaware of body language - I never think of it, nor can I recall ever behaving differently based on something I 'read' in body language. I could say the same for facial expressions, except I can tell happy from sad - due to smiles and frowns. I am slightly better with voices, because although I struggle with sarcasm and jokes I can sometimes get them if someone says something completely ridiculous in a voice that is in a drastically different tone than normal. People often tell me that I am rude, oblivious, selfish, too honest, crazy, hyper, that I talk too much, too fast and too loudly, am antisocial (which I am not, by the way - I don't physically or verbally attack people, at least not on a regular basis - I think this particular label is based on the misconception that 'antisocial' means the same thing as 'not sociable' and that I have a 'one-track' mind or am obsessive. As a child I was described as weird, an alien, and a human dictionary. I do, unfortunately, have a track record of doing inappropriate things. Sometimes I realize this in retrospect, and other times I don't know what I did, but people were annoyed. I'm not shy, but, in my own estimation am a poor conversationalist. For example, on the coach to and from my prom (which I didn't enjoy as I am a terrible dancer - everyone laughs so I didn't dance) I sat next to one girl on the bus there. I knew that everyone else was talking, but I didn't know what to say so i didn't say anything. On the way back, I was determined not to have a repeat of the same situation so I told the girl I sat next to that time all about the evening's news. I'm not sure how she took it, but in retrospect I think it probably wasn't what most people were talking about. With regard to eye contact, I don't really know how I compare to others, but I've noticed I don't do it much, which has been pointed out to me a couple of times, but it doesn't annoy me unless I am upset. Often, in conversation with others, I just wish they'd shut up, unless what they are saying interests me. Of my 'friends' at school, most of whom I would describe more honestly as acquaintances, there is only one with whom I enjoy talking, as she likes to talk about philosophy, as do I. I feel as if the extent of my problems with others follow an inverted parabola - in that they were worse when I was young, then seemed better, and then have got worse again with adolescence. As I toddler, I used to bite and at play school I played alone. In the Infants, I ate some of a boy's sick (curiosity), announced to the school that my newborn sister's name was Felicity (it wasn't), and played with my cousin who was two years my junior. According to a friend, I was considered a 'rebel' and someone to be avoided (i don't remember this personally though). According to my parents, and my reception reports, I had poor spatial awareness, which was a cause of concern as I kept running into others, and into the furniture. I still do. I felt better in the juniors, but by year 6 I felt like I had nothing to talk about, as the extent of socialisation surpassed playing tig in the playground. And as I've aged, the situation has only felt worse.

Stimming

I don't know about this one, as I have not (at least in recent years)rocked or flapped my hands. However, when I was in reception, I remember ripping my angel costume as I rocked backwards and forwards for an entire church service. I used to wring my hands, but stopped about a year ago after a classmate told me I looked like a super-villain. I tap my feet and bounce my legs up and down a lot though, which people comment on, particulary when nervous, excited, stressed or concentrating.

Sensory

This one is hard to measure, as I can hardly compare it to the experiences of others. However, noises always feel uncomfortably loud when I am stressed and textures can really irritate my skin. For example, my mum got me some leggings for christmas. They were really nice, but when I put them on the tag itched so badly that I tried to rip it out without even taking the pants off and actually ripped the pants.

Executive Function

I am always forgetting everyday things like homework, my school bag, my phone, lunch or money. I recently tried to go to school in my pyjamas before my mum reminded me that I wasn't dressed. I am also disorganised,and most of my books are ripped by the end of the year.

Other

I am quite intelligent, although maths is one of my worst subjects. I am good at History and Geography though, and love writing essays. I love reading, and whilst I don't have a special interest I often become preoccupied with something, such as an essay, historical period, or book for weeks at a time. I don't care about what interests most people though - I find celebrities boring and often immoral, and i would describe music as an irritating noise. The exemption to this rule is 'Let it Go' from Frozen, which I listened to for upwards of 8 hours a day for 2 months whilst revising. I love that song!

I find it easier to get along with younger children than with my peers, and can be quite obsessive about little things such as cleaning my teeth, washing my hands and germs. I always have to move the couch to get the optimum view of the TV, and for years went to bed at 8:45 exactly. I am also bothered if the door is at the right angle when I am sleeping, as the light level is wrong. Several years ago, I saw a psychologist for an eating disorder, which was odd as my appearance isn't really as important to me as it is to a lot of people. The problem was that i had become obsessed with nutrition and took it too far. I told a bit of the truth to the psychologist, but mostly just lied to get myself out of there as soon as possible, as the situation made me feel weak. I hate talking about feelings and try to avoid it.

Additional Information


I'm female, if that affects your opinion about what I have described.

AQ:40 Aspie Quiz:165 EQ:9

I think there are some good indicators that should ring the AS bell.

Obviously none of us here can diagnose you definitively, however, I would consider you a good candidate for an AS diagnosis based on what you have here. I would recommend at least broaching the possibility with your parents: they may have suspected something and not wanted to tell you about it. Even if they haven't, it's easier to get diagnosed when you're younger, as specialists in adult autism, especially, I hear, under the NHS, are difficult to come by.

Thanks for the comments. I just don't feel comfortable asking my parents, as I don't want to cause an argument. I might ask for a reffal in 2 years time, when I am 18 and will have gone away for university. Out of curiosity, do any of you find it difficult to make decisions (either because there are too many options, or because it worries you when there is no 'right' decision)? This is a problem for me, so I just wondered if it was an aspie trait. I feel it all the time, from choosing a flavour of ice cream to my a-levels. The feeling of anxiety can last anything from 10 minutes to a couple of months (if it's a big decision). Also, a word on meltdowns. Recently, a teacher told me I couldn't do a controlled assessment as I was off sick (it was stress-related, does this happen to you?) and I completely lost it. I couldn't speak coherently, but I managed to hold it in more or less (apart from crying) until i got home, where I sat down and was shaking violence for the rest of the evening. It wasn't a very sensible reaction. This sort of thing is rare though - but is it a 'meltdown'?

I don't think that is a meltdown to begin with but you were probably angry thinking it wasn't fair and got yourself more and more wound up. My son is like this although at his age it begins as a tantrum about something he doesn't see as fair. It builds and builds into a sort of meltdown so where normal kids have a tantrum that they get over in 10-20 minutes he goes full scale for a couple of hours.

TBH I think an NT might still be seething angry at a sense of injustice for the rest of the evening. It depends how important the 'injustice' is to that particular person I think.

As for the rest of your post I think you should talk to your parents. When I was 13 I was finishing my maths work way before everyone else and when I told teachers I was left to be bored while other kids got help. This happened more and more in other lessons. I was supposed to be a straight A student from my tests at 11 years old but I went totally off the rails. I wanted friendships but wasn't very popular and rubbish at sports etc. I started to bunk off school. When my Mum and Dad found out I told them all of this. There was no such thing as ADHD or Aspergers or ASD back then. You were just a troublemaker or class clown or rebellious bad egg.

Your bonus is that the spectrum is known about and info is freely available on the internet. Talk to your Mum, Dad or both about it. Show them what you mean and explain how you feel and how this might explain it. I'm sure they will support you.

And just to finish my story. My Mum and Dad did nothing back then. What could they do? No-one knew anything about this sort of thing back then. I spoke to my Mum a couple of years ago when my son was diagnosed with ADHD and said to my Mum 'This is how I felt when I was a kid, when I was telling you these things' and she quite honestly said 'Yes, but no-one knew about this sort of thing back then'.

Not in a heartless or 'get out' kind of way. No guilt at all, because they had done nothing wrong. If I was in that situation now, they would support me. Give your parents the chance to support you too

Thanks for your comment. I did consider ADHD actually, but discarded it on the basis that I actually have quite a long attention span, particularly if I am interested in what I am doing. As for what I said about the time I was upset about the controlled assessment, it wasn't like a tantrum, I wasn't angry... just out of control. I think if I had been angry my parents would have shouted, but they didn't. I felt like I'd reached my limit, and I wasn't thinking clearly. I just sat there crying and shaking for hours. I can think of several occasions like this, and some slightly different. Thanks for sharing your insights, it's useful to have a parent's perspective.