VERY disappointed with a fellow aspergers person

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StarCity
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16 Aug 2014, 5:19 pm

Today something was brought to my attention that caused me to feel angry.
I was told that a person I know was sat on a public transport bus in the disabled area (that's OK)...... but they had their feet up on the other seats, and were basically seated like sitting on a deck-chair.
I was informed that a disabled person in a wheelchair boarded the bus, and required the space where the person was relaxing with their feet up (they were taking up 3 seats).
The person I know argued with the person in the wheelchair, and refused to take their feet off of the seats that fold up to make way for a wheelchair.
That person I know is diagnosed with aspergers.

I thought that we have high moral standards, but today my assumption was proven wrong.


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We, the people on the Autistic Spectrum have a choice.
We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.


KingdomOfRats
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16 Aug 2014, 5:37 pm

many aspies/HFAs do require the front/disabled seats of public transport for various autistic or mental health needs so it possible he needed it or he may have had a impossible to break rigid routine with using it,just because some of us humanoids use wheelchairs doesnt automaticaly mean we shoud be given priority over everyone else disabled on public transport.


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Norny
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16 Aug 2014, 5:41 pm

There is no evidence to suggest that an autistic adheres to higher moral standards, though from what I've read, I'd assume it is rigid thinking that causes a strong support of rules/justice etc.

What you witnessed is behaviour typical of a nasty personality, regardless as to whether the person had AS or not.


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MathGirl
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16 Aug 2014, 5:42 pm

Well, the truth is, every person with Asperger's and autism is different. Some people with Asperger's may have been spoiled as children or have been raised with a sense that they are entitled to everything because of their disability. Others may be either biologically predisposed or have been raised in a way that taught them to have compassion and respect for others' needs, weighing their own needs against others'.

The only thing that really unites us on the spectrum is the diagnostic criteria and the associated characteristics. High moral standards is not an ASD criterion/feature, it's more of a personality trait that some people have a lot of but others have less of. Whatever the cause of it is, this sort of behaviour is definitely not found in all people with ASD. I think what we need to do, even though people might do this subconsciously sometimes, is to stop associating particularly salient behaviours with a label. For example, just because one guy who had Asperger's killed people or hurt animals or was disrespectful to others' with disabilities doesn't mean it's an Asperger's characteristic, but he just happened to have Asperger's.


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16 Aug 2014, 5:50 pm

What MathGirl said. AS is not a personality type.



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16 Aug 2014, 6:04 pm

This is called gossip.


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Waterfalls
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16 Aug 2014, 6:22 pm

To expand on what 1401b said, it's hard to think of a good reason why this information needs to be discussed, I would consider the person telling you, what are they like, have you seen them stir up trouble before, and personally I'd try to respond with concern for the speaker's distress unless the person with their feet up was someone I'm really close with.

Trouble is, asking about it if it's distorted information may stir up all kinds of trouble. Do you need to be involved? I'd try to stay out of it.



olympiadis
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16 Aug 2014, 6:56 pm

People learn those types of behaviors through observing others.
The observation will be there because that sort of behavior is quite common, so the only question is if the individual decides to add that behavior to their repertoire or to reject it.
Aspies are very capable of simulating bad behaviors observed from NTs.


Someone might jump in at this point and say that it's not a given that the behavior was observed from NTs, or that the Aspie is in fact simulating it. No it's not 100% certain, but the percentages of each in our environment would suggest strongly that this behavior was not learned by observing other Aspies. But, no, rudeness on a bus is not a defining neuro trait.

As we all do, I posted based heavily on my own experiences. As a child I learned to simulate bad behaviors from NTs because I wanted to fit in. Not long after that I would deduce that the behaviors were in error and I would then reject them as ineffective.
Sometimes behaviors will "stick" that shouldn't have, especially if the individual is not self-analytical in thought.

You may be able to talk to the person in a way that helps them change their thought.



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16 Aug 2014, 7:13 pm

KingdomOfRats wrote:
many aspies/HFAs do require the front/disabled seats of public transport for various autistic or mental health needs so it possible he needed it or he may have had a impossible to break rigid routine with using it,just because some of us humanoids use wheelchairs doesnt automaticaly mean we shoud be given priority over everyone else disabled on public transport.


Problem is where does the person with the wheelchair go than? I ride buses and much of the time there is only one or two spots a wheelchair would even fit those seats are designed more for physical disability where the person really cannot be expected to walk back and grab a seat so people in wheelchairs, or who have lots of difficulty walking like if they need a walker thing or whatever get priority for those seats where I live. Also though on most buses you're not even supposed to have your feet on the seats anyways regardless of disability or not.


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16 Aug 2014, 7:39 pm

It must have been a scene and I would be really embarrassed to be involved in such an incident. I have to say that that person with AS was (embarrassingly) brave to do that in public although I also think he/she was being not very nice and embarrassing him/herself unless he/she has some reason for not vacating one or two of the seats.

Although we should try to be helpful towards disabled people or anyone in general, I think sometimes it's going too far. I once saw a wheel-chaired person and her carer getting really angry and whinging to the people around because they were not given the priority in using the elevator. On that day the escalator was not working and some people had been waiting for a long time for the elevator. That wheel-chaired person just got there and expected those people that had been waiting a long time to step aside and wait even longer. They seemed to think that they should be given priority all the time.



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16 Aug 2014, 8:36 pm

Maybe the person in question is an AS with a PD.
Maybe the voices told him not to.
Maybe it isn't true.

At this point, it is not a fact. It is multiple guess.



StarCity
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19 Aug 2014, 5:04 pm

Norny wrote:
There is no evidence to suggest that an autistic adheres to higher moral standards, though from what I've read, I'd assume it is rigid thinking that causes a strong support of rules/justice etc.

What you witnessed is behaviour typical of a nasty personality, regardless as to whether the person had AS or not.


Hi Norny,
Rigid thinking is indeed a trait of persons on the autistic spectrum, so like you save said I guess each person differs in regard to where their rigid thinking is from.
For some (actually like myself) the rigid thinking is in moral stuff whereas to someone else their rigid thinking might be about something else.


_________________
We, the people on the Autistic Spectrum have a choice.
We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.