Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

OddCoyote
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 229
Location: Under my bed

02 Mar 2007, 9:04 pm

Has anyone ever been called rude because they pointed out obvious things to someone. I pointed out to a girl that she was being idiotic in a statement she made, she then tried to attack me. The teacher told me I was being very rude. I was confused because it was obvious she was wrong. Has this ever happened to anyone else?
Might it be a characteristic of Aspergers?


_________________
Image
Yes, I am 14.


Last edited by OddCoyote on 02 Mar 2007, 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Mar 2006
Age: 68
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,795

02 Mar 2007, 9:06 pm

All the time. if you state the obvious, and someone doesn't like it, they'll go for your throat. You have to be careful to avoid "trigger" words - it's like calling someone stupid. You can say, "no, that's not true" or "that's not accurate". But you can't say "that was stupid" or "you're being stupid" even if it is or they are.



Graelwyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,601
Location: Hants, Uk

02 Mar 2007, 9:32 pm

Yes, I had a recent incident that had a very very negative effect on me. I made friends with a staff worker at asda here and would talk to her every evening when she worked. She seemed okay with me though sometimes I am sure she looked as if she didn't want me standing around which did hurt.Anyway, some 5 months after first talking to her, I was talking about issues getting work and said that I considered this store to be part of the rat race...I then said that I didn't feel I would be able to work there as I am so creative and would get bored. She took such offence and got all angry and I walked off and went for my usual walk. When I went to talk to her next day, she said she hoped I wasn't going to be rude again, and said how I had offended her fellow staff members etc, I tried to explain I hadnt said it to be rude and just sometimes spoke my thoughts, but no, she wouldn't listen and told me to clear off, and I was so damn angry and upset. I wanted to smash something in front of her...all logic flew out the window. She then went and told a few other staff, and a girl I was talking to a week or so later told me she had been told on her radio that I am a menace. I cannot describe how much that hurt me. Since then, I have made no efforts to get to know anyone else and stopped speaking to the other staff member I got on ok with. I hate people sometimes and their pathetic egos. She clearly felt uncomfortable with her job or she wouldn't have reacted as she did. These places are part of the rat race, everything mostly is, if you look at it.


_________________
I am diagnosed as a human being.


Lightning88
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Aug 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,890

02 Mar 2007, 10:36 pm

I try not to be rude or blunt because I absolutely can't stand it when people act like that toward me. And I mean I really can't stand it.



ZanneMarie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,324

02 Mar 2007, 10:47 pm

Politeness is really about lying. It doesn't matter if the person is being idiotic. That's irrelevant. What is relevant is that you will get into trouble if you say it. Yes, you can say, I don't think that is correct, but it would be better if you actually said, I'm not sure that's correct. It doesn't matter if it's obvious. It doesn't matter if it's true. NTs live by rules where they do not tell each other the truth, pure and simple. They "lie" under the guise that they don't want to hurt each other's feelings. If you tell them it's lying, that will upset them also, but it is lying pure and simple. That's what they do. You need to learn to do it as well.


Work being part of the rat race also falls into that. It doesn't matter whether it's true or what you meant. They will read it as you are looking down on them. You may be, but you need to lie. Not only will these people get mad at you, many of them will tell your boss you said you couldn't work there because you are too creative and suggest that you are looking. The next thing you know, you'll be out of a job.

So, whether this is school or work, you need to practice your lying, errr politeness, skills. Learn not to tell the truth at all costs. The cost may be too great to pay and what you said will be hardly worth the price.



maldoror
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 946
Location: Denver

02 Mar 2007, 10:59 pm

Well, I think it performs a function. I like not being told "you make me uncomfortable," or "wow, you're really a mental freak, aren't you?" daily.

Actually, if the people who thought that did say it, I'd probably have an easier time of it... Less so stuff like "you are very ugly and pale;" that would get old after a while.



GoatOnFire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,986
Location: Den of the ecdysiasts

03 Mar 2007, 12:07 am

Lightning88 wrote:
I try not to be rude or blunt because I absolutely can't stand it when people act like that toward me. And I mean I really can't stand it.


Damn straight. I'm only rude when I try to be, cause I hate it when people do it to me (I've had other aspies do it to me before, unknowingly I think).



SteveK
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: Chicago, IL

03 Mar 2007, 12:13 am

It IS an aspie trait. That is one thing I used to do that I don't anymore. In fact, I go OVERBOARD not to do it. But EVERYONE here probably did it at some point.

Steve



Erlyrisa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Feb 2007
Age: 113
Gender: Male
Posts: 604

03 Mar 2007, 12:47 am

Most people hate me....

-what's worse is when your pionting out what is only obvious to you... pionting out the obvious as per seen by everyone else you may get away with (especially with long term friends) but pionting out the extreme is something I still have trouble controlling,,, and even my long term friends just hate listening to the extreme.

-luckily pionting out comical stuff can be an advanctage.



Graelwyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,601
Location: Hants, Uk

03 Mar 2007, 1:32 am

ZanneMarie wrote:
Politeness is really about lying. It doesn't matter if the person is being idiotic. That's irrelevant. What is relevant is that you will get into trouble if you say it. Yes, you can say, I don't think that is correct, but it would be better if you actually said, I'm not sure that's correct. It doesn't matter if it's obvious. It doesn't matter if it's true. NTs live by rules where they do not tell each other the truth, pure and simple. They "lie" under the guise that they don't want to hurt each other's feelings. If you tell them it's lying, that will upset them also, but it is lying pure and simple. That's what they do. You need to learn to do it as well.


Work being part of the rat race also falls into that. It doesn't matter whether it's true or what you meant. They will read it as you are looking down on them. You may be, but you need to lie. Not only will these people get mad at you, many of them will tell your boss you said you couldn't work there because you are too creative and suggest that you are looking. The next thing you know, you'll be out of a job.

So, whether this is school or work, you need to practice your lying, errr politeness, skills. Learn not to tell the truth at all costs. The cost may be too great to pay and what you said will be hardly worth the price.



Oh I know you are expected to lie to fit into society. I find that rule pathetic... I abhor lying. I abhor wearing a mask and being someone I am not... not to say I set out to say offensive and nasty things, I just say things the way I see them. As to the store... I am not looking to work there and nor do I work there. It was said during a casual conversation where I was trying to express my views on the world in general, to be honest. The fact is, I do not believe one should have to pretend they are someone they are not to please others. That just seems...wrong to me. Those who would be positive parts of my life would be those who accept me for who I am, honest opinions and all. That is the way I mostly view it. I am tired of lying and suppressing myself to please others, I have had a lifetime of that. And in the end, even if it hurts, I gain from those in my life who have been brutally honest with me, even if at the time I found it incredibly painful...I have learnt a hell of a lot more about myself that way.


_________________
I am diagnosed as a human being.


Metal_Man
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 895
Location: The Gates of Babylon

03 Mar 2007, 1:50 am

I try so hard not to come across as rude but it happens anyway. It is so exhausting to try and keep up an NT front all of the time. I really hate it when people try to not be rude to me because I find it very confusing. I often just can't grasp the subleties of NT communication. I wish people would be more brutally honest with me even with the bad stuff. When people are honest with me I usually thank them for their honesty. The funny thing is the NT's get confused when I say that.


_________________
Can't get it right, no matter what I do, guess I'll just be me and keep F!@#$%G up for you!
It goes on and on and on, it's Heaven and Hell! Ronnie James Dio - He was simply the greatest R.I.P.


Graelwyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,601
Location: Hants, Uk

03 Mar 2007, 2:23 am

Metal_Man wrote:
I try so hard not to come across as rude but it happens anyway. It is so exhausting to try and keep up an NT front all of the time. I really hate it when people try to not be rude to me because I find it very confusing. I often just can't grasp the subleties of NT communication. I wish people would be more brutally honest with me even with the bad stuff. When people are honest with me I usually thank them for their honesty. The funny thing is the NT's get confused when I say that.



When we hear only the nice and pleasant things, I do not think we ever really learn to face ourselves, faults and all... afterall, we are often blind to at least some of our own faults or mistakes and only see them when someone else points them out...but then people are usually so offended or angered or hurt by the pointing out part that they refuse to see any truth in it as faults are often viewed as entirely negative and bad things, as opposed to things that are a part of us and can be changed if we so wish.


_________________
I am diagnosed as a human being.