The Secret Code Of Smalltalk...

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I am not really sure what it is except that I find it more of a strange thing.
Example.
Why are they asking me how I am when they asked the same thing yesterday and the time I saw them before that. "Do I have something wrong with me that I could deteriate that quickly? And if I did I would not be standing there talking to you!" is what I sometimes am thinking.

Once I got so fed up of every time I met someone they would talk about the weather. Why? So ok. If the weather interests them I had better make an effort (As my Mum sometimes stops me in a conversation and says "You're supposed to let the other person talk. Let them talk about what they are interested in". "But Mum, I don't know anything about horses" (Which I accidently said while my neighbour who kept horses was standing there right by me. Oops!).
So, the weather.... I made an effort, which isn't easy as it takes me several "Takes" to learn something if I'm not interested in it, so anyway. I gave myself a crash course of learning the different clouds and when they are formed and what weather one is likely to see etc. So I learnt enough details that I can be prepared to engauge in a conversation with one of the local experts, as most local people have the weather as their special interest... Or so I thought!

Uhmm. Going by the next conversation I had with someone it became plain that I was missing something. We met and the other person started to talk about the weather so I happily took it to the next level and the other persons mouth opened in dissbelief. I thought "Oh. They must be shocked I can happily talk about their special interest?", but the more I continued talking about the weather with them and the smaller details, it became plain that something wasn't right as this person was not only in shock, but wanting to end the conversation and move on with their day, and it dawned on me that this person knew nothing about the weather! Then why is it that for every time we met they come out with the weather? I just don't get it!! !

Another classic example of the "How are you" scinario is that I often used to get the same sort of reaction when I would examine myself from head to toes to give them an accurate account. I did find it getting a bit tiresome to do and the other person would look at me daft with that mouth open look and wanting to try to cut the conversation short type of thing which ended up with me thinking "What is wrong with people these days?"

So it quickly became apparent that for me to get to grips with this small talk which I don't even know what it means, I needed to study those who do it.

So I started watching and listening to when they met with others and what they said. "Grr!" I got the impression they didn't like this either! Why do they say their "Weather" conversations are private? It there some sort of top secret thing about the weather... A bit like the "Hows your father?" secret masonic greeting with a handshake? There must be more to this then meets the eye! (Actually yes. As eyes are visual and conversations are based on sound).

But anyway. I am still trying to crack the code here about these secretive greetings... As the ones I have overheard never seem to contain any information worth protecting. It could be that my neighbours are spies but I need to gather some more information as the jigsaw pieces don't fit!

Agent Goat signing out.

Next mission... To gather more information without being seen... Not easy. Need a disguise to get up close... Oh noo. Can't get close! The virus... Cough, cough... Oops!

Glad to read that Agent Goat is on the case ...



How are you, by the way? Beautiful weather we’re having lately!

Yep. No doubt about it.

You don't need to get the diagnosis. You definitely ARE what used to be called "aspergers". Definitely on the autism spectrum.

I stopped about a third of the way through your piece - was laughing too much to read on.

Only an aspie would respond to folks talking about the weather by...by PREPARING for it in advance...by....researching meteorology!

Talking about the weather (unless you are meteorologist talking shop with collegues) is -what you're talking about- small talk. Its talking about nothing. Folks talk just to make conversation and to bond. that's the definition of "small talk" And the reason they pick weather as a topic to do that with is precicely because it doesn't take knowledge - rain and sunlight just fall on everyone -so even a child can talk about it. So if you PUT knowledge into the topic( by studying up on it)- you're just defeating the whole point of talking about the weather. I ofcourse mean "talking about the weather" they way its usualy done. Just to make conversation.

Good to see that you are on the case Agent Goat

From my perspective - I have a small repertoire of 'small talk' stock questions and phrases that seem pointless to me but seem to go down OK.

I have to admit that as I get older I dont tend to use them as much as I did

Remember that typically NTs don't even have "special interests" in the autistic se"nse... but do engage in small talk.

One technique when caught in a small talk situation is to say nothing at all, but rather, smile and nod. There can also be some verbal responses that mean nothing, but go over okay:

"I know what you mean!"
"Uh-huh."
"Good to know!"
"Oh, jeez!"
"Sometimes you can't win for losing."
"Wow!"
"You don't say!"
"I know, I know..."

None of these is meant to be taken literally. They're just small talk filler material. You might memorize a few and pull them out of your tool bag when needed.

The words of small talk are quite predictable. The content of small talk is usually the re-affirmation of a relationship. However, if there is potential for conflict, there will be nuances in choice of words, expression, body language, etc. to test the waters. If people are not inclined to agree on large matters, they may also have a lot of trouble over misinterpreting almost everything.
I once sat between a couple as they drove along, arguing. Each party would say something conciliatory, and each time, the other would find a way to find fault with it. Sometimes this required great ingenuity, but they always managed a quick comeback.

I did edit my post above a bit. Just thinking about how to help you. NTs are emotional driven by their feelings. Once they spot you they develop feelings toward you and are treating you just according to the way that they feel about you. Once you are friendly then they know that they don't have to defent towards you and are less likely to be aggressive or negative towards you. Be sure that most of them immediately try to realize your feelings towards them as soon as they are aware of you. It's an important thing that has developed because humans can be quite aggressive towards each other and it's a big advantage to know how others feel towards you once you have to deal with them. For this keep a friendly mind once you are even only looking towards somebody.

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I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!

I think that I would rather talk about trains than engage in the usual small talk