I am about to throw in the towel

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I am about to just throw in the towel.

I have spent an enormous amount of time trying to behave like an NT, but it seems all that is for nought and I am regressing in my abilities. I am in my early forties and I still don't have a clue what is it about me that just makes people around me think I'm weird or creepy. I have tried to mind my own business but the NTs will have none of it - they continually want to play their disgusting games on me. I try and act like an NT the best I can with all the niceties - the small talk, the smiles etc etc but they still typecast me as creepy.

It seems that my very existence in their midst pisses them off somehow.

I don't know what to do anymore -- I am just about to give up and not care anymore but I have a nagging fear that the NTs will find reasons to gang up on me and persecute and harm me just for being me.

I tried that and it didn't work. Now I adopted a 'don't care, I'm just going to be myself' attitude and am better for it. You can't please everyone and it's senseless to even try.

My advice is to focus on finding a small group of friends, ones that are aspies themselves or know that you are and accept you. That way, whatever others choose to do, whether it be bully or gang up on you, won't matter as much. I do realise that this is easier said than done, however. Best of luck to you.

Don't throw it in just yet!

Make friends within your Special Interest.

Use the rope-a-dope to wear out the idiot type of NT.

Not all NTs will scorn you.

My life has been pretty much the same as this. Even when I'm trying to be nice, the way I am nice is regarded as weird/creepy. Even if they understand I'm trying to be nice, they have no intention to reciprocate it. Or they may even think they can step on my head because I'm "trying to please" them. I often get a cold/hostile/unkind response. Now I know there is no point in trying to be nice because whether I'm nice or not doesn't make any difference. Those people don't deserve niceness. If you are seen as weird, most people won't accept you.

So SilverProteus is right. The "Don't care" attitude is the way to go. You basically "don't care" about others. It's good because you will worry less about how you are treated and because when you don't care and you feel more confident about yourself, some people will find it hard to attack you. You may still be a "weird" person but you might as well be a "weird" person that cannot be stepped on.

Just because you're nice, there's no guarantee people will be nice in return. People are too complex for that, and ourselves fully included.

If you're "nice" and pause, people are going to think you're going to ask for a favor or are looking for something.

In my experience, if someone is overly nice in a public place, it's a good chance it's about sex, money or religion.

At one laundry mat, this guy was friendly and then asked if I was interested in having sex. He had first insultingly asked and repeated, "Where do you stay?" I think it was one of these deals where he was looking for gay sex even though he doesn't self-identify as gay himself. That is, not between equals. Almost like he viewed me as ret*d and thought he could play me or work me. I told him, no, I have a speech impediment and sometimes people stereotype me as gay. (maybe I should have asked him, you want to know where I stay? Why do you want to know where I stay? You're selling real estate or something? It really is none of your business where I stay.)

Another time --- I think at this same laundry mat! --- a nice older Hispanic lady made a point to take to me. And was friendly and animated. And she invited me to the Catholic Charismatic Center. That one I didn't particularly mind.

On one occasional, a guy was friendly in a bookstore and ended up trying to sell me on Amway or similar MLM crapola.

I think the key about being nice is not to expect anything in return. That's really hard. People can smell the eager-to-please attitude from a mile off, it's like the person is a clam. IRL I find it so hard to approach people, but when I do, I try and do it indirectly. I'm bad at it, what with my literal thinking (too distant, or in your face)...but people are much friendlier when you don't care what the result is.

When I'm feeling nervous, I always mess up. Hence why I keep myself to myself so much. It's not often that I feel comfortable around people.

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You can't behave like an NT unless you can think like an NT.
Be yourself and try to figure out how to intersect smoothly with others.



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Somehow that doesn't seem like a task that I can accomplish in one lifetime. As such, a belief in re-incarnation seems inexorable.

But then again, why the heck would I want to be re-incarnated an aspie?

Thanks for the advice folks.

Had a respite for a few days and now this dreadful feeling of helplessness is bearing down on me once again like a thousand foot wave. I am powerless to stop it and it has all but turned me into a complete mental wreck.

I guess I must be a weird aspie in that I don't have a special interest or rather I don't know what my special interest is.

I am generally interested in anything and everything but I don't recall ever hyperfocusing on one particular subject.

Is this possible for an aspie? Or does not having a special interest mean I may not be an aspie?