Meltdown or tantrum?

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Sometimes, there's something I want. Well, say I couldn't get it. If it's something I really want badly, I usually meltdown over it. The thing is, I'm not doing it for attention. It seems more like something that's due to the frustration and anger I'm feeling for not getting said item I've had my eye on. Like, I do suffer from what feels like a meltdown, but I can't always be sure since I don't pay attention to them.

It's something I've been wondering for a while. Surely, it's not normal for a 26 year old woman to throw herself to the ground, screaming in sobbing terror over an item she wants, wouldn't you agree? That's what gets me because it's not very normal for some of my age to have one of these episodes. They don't happen frequently or anything. I think the last time I had one was when I had an obsession with Ponyo I got upset because my dad said we couldn't see it the first day it came out. It caused one of my 'episodes' to happen.

It makes me wonder... is this still considered a meltdown, or would you consider it as a tantrum of sorts?

I've heard it said that the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum is that a tantrum is to some degree deliberately started, or enhanced, and intended to manipulate a target onlooker, while a true meltdown is something the person going through it is themselves upset by and not altogether in control of, as it's an outburst arising out of sheer built-up stress. That's my take on it, I might be wrong.

My own meltdowns are not the kind where there's throwing myself on the floor or anything -- I just tend to scream and rant and cry and just emote very angrily with a lot of distress. I don't do it a about things I can't have; mine come about when I've been under extreme stress from accumulated incidents in my life, and then one last incident is the "last straw" and I'm losing it.

Tantrum. A tantrum is when you throw a fit because you want something that you can't have. It is what a spoiled child does. A meltdown is when your brain is so overwhelmed with emotional or sensory overload that it can no longer function and needs to reboot. Maybe the next time you feel that you want to have a tantrum over something you want that you can't have, rather than having the fit, maybe you can take a deep breath and try to be grateful for the things you do have. That would be a much better option.

But that's the thing... it's usually involuntary. Like, it happens without any real reason. It's not so much that I want something I can't have or anything. It gets to a point where it's something I can't control. I can't stop it unless I have a reason to stop it. That's where it seems kind of tantrumish right there. It's really hard to explain it. D:

I really appreciate this chart. Thanks for sharing it!

I probably still have them at 29 years of age. Once you get what you want, are you able to calm down right away? And do you still feel upset inside and it takes a little time to recharge before you feel normal again?

I notice in the parenting world now the word tantrum has turned into the word meltdown for normal children. Back in my childhood they were called tantrums, now they are calling them meltdowns as if they are the same.

I have freak-outs, which are more like mini meltdowns that are stress-related, which will cease very quickly if the stressor is reduced or eliminated.

But my full-fledged meltdowns come from a very different emotional place - it is like being overwhelmed with an emotion, often related to disappointment about something I can't change. So, if the meltdown only went away when I "got what I wanted", it would never end. It is almost like the meltdown is part of my process of dealing with the deep disappointment. Not fun, not pretty. Eventually, they do end, but I have to recover, as if I had been sick.

How long do you roll on the ground screaming?
What causes you to stop?

I saw a video just the other day that explains the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. A tantrum basically is over something the person wants and can't get, they may check or look around to see if others are reacting (in the way they want) to their tantrum, they THINK that they are in control and are manipulating the people they want their own way from, and those people have to stand their ground, avoid giving in to the bad behavior and show the tantrum-thrower they are not the one in charge. When an autistic or aspie person has a meltdown the one big difference is that they are NOT in control, everything around them just seems to be a whirlwind of chaos and they are overwhelmed, and they don't think that they are in control at all. They may "space out" before the meltdown starts. They don't look up to see if people are reacting, they may not care or even notice other people are watching, they may injure themselves or break things during the meltdown, punishing or rewarding the "behavior" has virtually non-existant effects and the meltdown doesn't end until the person has worn themselves out. It's much worse than a tantrum because you can put your safety at risk . So yeah, I think what you were having were tantrums.

Last edited by lostonearth35 on 04 Oct 2014, 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Is it possible that it is from anxiety? Is it possible that it is not about the toy but rather that you might be feeling very anxious or stressed or overloaded and the toy is something you see as an object that could sooth you? Maybe that could be why it is involuntary. It is very interesting indeed and this is really good to talk about and try to figure out. I wonder about that because you said it is rare. If it happened all the time I would think it might not be involuntary but just so habitual that you would think it was involuntary. But since it is rare, it might be something deeper going on.

Are you talking to me? Are you making a joke I didn't catch?

Rolling around on the ground screaming...hahaha. I don't do that.

If I have a freak-out, it is more like banging things, throwing things (a little bit), yelling about the mess in the house (usually that is the trigger because I am overwhelmed by it and I feel so stupid for failing in this area), "huffing", stomping, and otherwise being a B****.

The meltdowns are more like curled up in bed crying.

Freak-outs - usually over in less than five minutes, basically as soon as my husband and kids see it coming and start to hurry very quickly to get some thing cleaned up to reduce the visual overload of clutter (though sometimes they last up to 20 minutes.)

Meltdowns - an hour to two days, depending on what the problem is and how overwhelmed.

The more tired I am, the more both the freak-outs and meltdowns are worse/longer.

No, I asked the OP how long she rolls on the ground screaming, because she said she throws herself to the ground and screams, but perhaps she doesn't roll, that was just from the image that I got in my head.

I hate when people do that. When I tell people I had a meltdown they automatically think tantrum and think I am being a spoiled brat and can control it.

I would say that in general, anger outbursts are more likely meltdowns and crying outbursts are more likely tantrums.

Ahhh. So many questions. X_x

I've been thinking, and I believe it's a little of both. It does seem like it could be triggered by anxiety, but I think it's also triggered by the frustration, not the inability of not getting what I want at the time. I can't explain them too much unless I actually have them. D:

(I didn't want to leave this unattended, like I was abandoning it or anything)