What would you do?

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So my mother is going to visit my great great grandmother and she wants to see me, she's turning 100. Now, I understand this; however, this is going to be in Jamaica, a quite homophobic country, and I am gay and am quite worried about that. I have to be very conscious of all my actions while I am there and I fear I can very easily have a meltdown.

if it were me, i'd go.

I'd also go. Most people don't get to enjoy the privilege of celebrating the 100th birthdays of their great grandparents.

Sounds like quite an opportunity. GG gramma? Not many people even get to meet a great grandparent as an adult. And a chance to visit Jamaica. Sounds fantastic!

Having said that, is there a realistic risk of hate crime against you? Are you obviously gay? If you can put up with the discomfort of hiding your sexuality and possibly hearing some stupid bigoted remarks against homosexuality and if it's not dangerous, I think you should go.

I reckon you should go too.

No one will probably even notice that you're gay.

And your Gran will be well pleased to see you.

If I am around for any amount of time, talking then most people will assume I'm gay. The risk of realistic.

I wouldn?t go personally. If you do go I would highly advise you research gay rights in Jamaica to ensure you don?t violate the laws while there and also ensure a safe environment for yourself. For example stay with family at all times never admit that you?re gay certainly never act on it or you?ll be convicted and sent to prison and definitely don?t go anywhere alone people who are alone are easy targets. I know there was this one kid who went to a party, met a really nice person who he liked a lot so he told them he was gay, in the course of the night he got separated from the gay friends he went with so a group of predominantly boys but some girls too took him outside and beat him to death before his friends could intervene. I kinda want to say they also set him on fire but that might have been a different person punished for the same crime of course.

In the end it?s a simple matter of probability and what you want to risk; certainly there are gay people in Jamaica and they risk imprisonment and death. This may go without saying but I'd also ask myself how much I trusted my family I'd be staying with in Jamaica. Certainly there are good people there and avoiding the bad crowd should be relatively easy but never forget the legality of the situation. It is a crime.

Now CuddleHug's post made me think about the risk a bit more. I was actually ignorant of the LGBT rights in Jamaica. I just read the Wikipedia article about it. Wow, it's a completely different world. Gay men don't even have rights there. They get punished instead. Discrimination/violence against gay people is appalling.

As the OP says that people easily assume that he is gay, I think there is a real risk of getting attacked. For some uncivilized people, "looking gay" is a good enough reason for violently attacking someone. So if you are lucky, you might only experience some uncomfortable moments there but if you are unlucky, you might never return home.

So, I would say you shouldn't go. Your safety is more important than meeting your GG gramma, although it's a real pity to miss that opportunity. I personally wouldn't go. I couldn't take that risk.

not sure, depends how much you 'show' or not. are you planning on taking a partner?

congrats for your great great grandmother by the way!! not many people live to be that age!

Scanner, has your mother visited recently? What does she say about whether you should go? I suggest you ask the advice of family members or friends who have been in the area and can gauge a more likely scenario than what you may find on the internet. Also, you would want to know what expectations your family members would have of you if you go. For example, will you be encouraged to join them at a restaurant or other public place, or do they expect to mostly stay home? I suggest getting a detailed list of the party plans and itinerary before making this decision, and then you'll have a better idea of what you may be facing.

Does your GG grandma know that you're gay? If she doesn't, then you should go. If she does know that you are gay, then your safety should be more important.

I would suggest this needs thinking about, my only suggestion would be to take an opposite sex friend along that understands the situation and cling to them if you go into public. (or alternatively go in drag)

This is just me being a stubborn weirdo, but I'd go. I'd just avoid any questions on my sexuality and stay with my family.

It's up to you though - is your safety worth seeing this person?

I will be staying with family, but this isn't... good family... it's more like family that takes advantage of other family.

When it comes to my sexuality, most people are able to tell I'm gay after some time, and now a lot of them. Then you have to take into account that you don't even have to be gay to be to be attacked there, you just have to seem not masculine enough.

I didn't plan on going, but she asked to see me, which makes this whole situation all the more stressing. I understand the reason to go, see great great grandmother for her 100th, as there is a possibility it could be her last. The problem mostly stems from Jamaica being the most homophobic place in the west, the crime is high (in the area i'd be it's lower than average) and the anti gay crime is high. Police don't care and have been known to get involved in the beatings.

My mother doesn't assume I'm gay, mostly her own denial.

...Yek...