Looks like I'm getting kicked out...

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It's not as bad as it sounds, I am actually somewhat glad because I would prefer to be on my own. My grandparents said they think it would be better if I am on my own because living with them I'm not really learning to function independently, which I agree with. Plus I really don't like being watched and judged, which is what I always feel like when I'm living with others, especially my family (most of them anyway).

How should I prepare for being on my own? I'm especially worried I'll not eat much, I'm already borderline underweight. I'm used to having set mealtimes and shopping for only things like ramen noodles and snack foods. If that's all I ate I would not be very healthy, so I need to find something that would be easy to make all the time that would also not be bad for me.

Also, where should I start looking for apartments? I only found one decent and possible option on craigslist, I couldn't really find anything else on there, and so far Google hasn't been helpful.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I have a month to find a place. They want me out by October 1st.

The struggle is real. I usually end up failing miserably at keeping up with eating habits when I don't have my mother to help me out. I would say maybe have your grandmother show you some really simple things to prepare before you leave so that you can do that on your own. Besides that, I would definitely recommend putting together a grocery and meal schedule.

As Calstar2 said, schedules! I have an alarm that goes off at meal times, and I force myself to stop whatever I'm doing and eat at that time. For dinner the alarm is set for an hour before eating time so I have time to cook, and I prepare my lunch for the next day at the same time.

If your not one for varied eating or being spontaneous with cooking, get your grandparents to teach you a few simple but varied meals, or get some recipe books, it's hard to cook badly when you're following a recipe (7 is a good number, you can get a good variety of nutrients out of 7 meals and have a weekly schedule if you find that useful).

Plan what you are going to eat that week in advance and make sure you have all the ingredients you will need for that week, ALWAYS take a complete list when you go shopping!

Cook in bulk and freeze the left overs in meal sized portions (get some big pots for this purpose).

Schedule chores which might otherwise get put of. For bills and things, consider direct debit so you don't have to remember.

In the UK we websites where rental and sale listings from various estate agents are all put together (e.g. http://www.rightmove.co.uk/) There might be similar sites for the US? Also email estate and letting agents in the area you wish to live with you requirements for a home, they should be able to send you recommendations (it's their job after all).

I disagree that you can't function independently living with your grandparents. Did you have an argument with them? You say that they have given you a month to move out, but I'm wondering if it's possible to remain living with your grandparents a little longer, because the sorts of questions you are asking indicate to me that you are not ready to move out. Perhaps if you could reach an accommodation with them they will allow you stay longer. This may mean that you follow a few simple rules such as keeping your grandparents informed when you go out and when you intend returning to the house. Maybe I'm reading between the lines, but they were good enough to take you in and I think they will worry about you if and when you move out.

You will have to set yourself a schedule, and make yourself stick to it. Scheduled meal times, sleeping times, times for housework and times for doing what you want to do.

Plan 3 smallish meals and a couple of snacks a day. There are all kinds of simple things you can "cook" that aren't ramen noodles, cold cereal, or mac'n'cheese in a box. If you can make ramen noodles, you can make spaghetti. There are healthy cold cereals that don't cost $5 a box. As I said, if you can make ramen, you can make spaghetti-- and that opens up a whole world of pastas that don't require you to do anything more than boil water, set a timer, and stir.

Rice isn't difficult-- you need about twice as much water as rice. Dump it all in a pot, bring it to a boil, turn the heat down as low as it will go without being off, stir it once, put a lid on it, and set a timer for 20 minutes.

Fruits and veggies are healthy, and some of them are cheap (bananas, apples, carrots, potatoes, corn and green beans in cans). You don't even have to heat them up-- wash, occasionally peel, and eat. I feed my kids a lot of fruit. And cheese.

Meat is more difficult-- you can cook it once a week and keep it in the fridge, or buy meat in a can that you only have to heat.

Get a good cookbook-- I recommend the More With Less Cookbook, as the recipes are simple enough for a beginning cook, can become more complex as you get better, healthy, tasty, and cheap. If you ignore their political proselytizing and sobbing about the world's food problems (not that those things aren't significant, but you have more immediate issues and charity begins at home), it's an encouraging "any-monkey-can-cook" cookbook. I wish I'd known about it when I was 19 and living on ramen noodles, Taco Bell, grilled cheese sandwiches, buttered spaghetti, rice, and hamburger patties.

Don't forget-- it isn't as if they are throwing you entirely out and never want to see or hear from you again. You can always call up to ask questions, or go visit and ask Grandma to show you how to make something.

Before you go out, learn how to cook. I was very underweight for my height until I went home and had my mother teach me two years ago. Do not be afraid of vegetables, they are cheaper than fast food. If all you could afford was vegetables, you would not die of malnutrition. Even if they have to be dehydrated/frozen vegetables with ramen noodles, get veggies in your system.

Run off a schedule. It will make you stay sane. I eat breakfast every day at the same time, and to be honest, if I didn't do that, I would probably forget to eat all-together.

If you own/drive a vehicle, learn how it works. I'm not saying become a mechanic, I'm just saying learn what an engine is or how to change a tire during a road side emergency. Learn how to pump your own gas. It sounds ret*d, but I didn't know how to do it until I was 20. Full serve stations are rare in the country side.

If you can help it, try and get a job with set hours. It makes it easier to mesh with your schedule.

Now if I had these tips when I got kicked out, I would have done much better.

As for apartment hunting, you'll probably do better if you approach property selling/renting services in the area. The internet is not that great for finding stuff like that, and you may have to physically search the local area.

Last edited by SplinterStar on 25 Aug 2014, 11:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hope your grand parents give you a few more months to save more money and learn some living skills. 18 is so young to be on your own. I know when I was your age I was 18 going on 11. PM me if you want

You may be right that I could convince them, but part of it is because I actually want to be on my own. They don't really understand why I have issues with certain things, they think that many of my undesirable behaviors have a large element of conscious choice, and that if I'd just make the decision to do this or that, I could easily do it. But I've known myself for almost 19 years and I can safely say that is not the reason. I feel that I will be better off on my own, proving to them (and myself) that I am a good and motivated person.

The thing that made them decide this is that I've been having a hard time getting up on time and as a result my grandma has been waking me up. I missed church and work a couple times for this reason, and I guess they'd been talking and decided I won't learn much by being with them. I told them not to wake me at all but they don't want me losing my job. That's not the only reason, I think it must just be my behavior in general and they haven't seen much improvement. And I have been trying but I don't think they understand just how hard some of this is for me. I do think I will learn better on my own though because I will be free from all the, "You just need to do this" advice, which always just makes me feel bad and doesn't help me.

Your grandma sounds a bit like Marie from Everyone Loves Raymond. Tell her you appreciate everything she's doing for you. You need to move into your place to establish your independence. However, you're not sure about how to go finding an apartment and you're worried that without grandma you will sleep in and be late for work and risk being fired. Doing this should win you a six month reprieve from being kicked out from your grandparent's home. Hopefully both your grandparents will then help you search for an apartment. If you play your cards right, in six months time you will have an apartment close to work. Grandma will phone you up each day to wake you up to go to work and every couple of days she will drop food over to your apartment. And every Sunday she will pick up from your apartment to take you to church.

I applaud you for seeking to be independent but one month is cutting it a bit fine. Taking myself as an example it took about a month to go through all the rigmarole with the landlord after I found an apartment.

Just keep trying Google. I got my apartment from Googling <area I want to live> followed by "rental" and it took me to an aggregate sight of listings from all local agencies. I set it to "show cheapest first" and then applied for the cheapest one.

If you can't find anything on Google, just try the phone book, many places are rented through agencies, not direct from the landlord. Ring some of the agencies and I'm sure they'll be happy to tell you what's available.

There are also sites for "housemate wanted" and "room for rent". Been there, done that, not doing that again. Hell is other people. My housemate spent six months staring at me and silently judging me then kicked me out over a petty domestic issue that was his fault anyway. If you want to be independent you really should live on your own. You'll learn more independant living skills in your own apartment than you will renting a room.

The biggest issue is money. Don't be too worried about food, you'd be surprised at how many places offer free food (and you don't even have to be homeless). The biggest issue is money for rent. I don't know how much your job pays but make sure you can afford to live on your own with a margin of error. There's always the possibility of unexpected expenses and also you probably don't want your disposable income to go down to nil.

Also make sure you're stable in your job. If you get fired and can't make rent there might be a penalty for breaking the lease.

I don't know why my grandpa decided to make it so soon. I called all the apartment complexes nearby and only one said that they would possibly have a room open when I need it, the rest said they don't know if anything will be open or didn't even answer the phone. And the one that said they might have an open room was the most expensive one. They said I can fill out an application and get put on a waiting list, but I can't see that being useful unless they change their mind about the one month thing. I didn't really know at first how small of a time that was, but now I realize and I'm wondering why my grandpa's giving me only one month to find a car and an apartment. I mean, as long as I'm looking for something I don't see why he would have to put such a short limit. But this is why I don't like being with them in the first place, they think that things like this will somehow discipline me into suddenly becoming perfect. It really does seem like my dad, step mom and now my grandparents expect me to be literally perfect, and since I am not then their only option is to send me off on my own.

I know it's not good to say this about family, but I don't really like them, not most of them anyway. They all expect me to be exactly like them, and they treat me like I don't understand anything. My recent diagnosis of Asperger's changed nothing. In their mind, even if my doctor and I are maybe right about me having it, they don't seem to care at all. To them, I "seem" very functional and got very high test scores, so therefore I am totally functional and if I do something wrong it's because I am selfish. So even though it's not ideal to have to go out on my own so suddenly I don't feel like I have another option.

A waiting list? It sounds as though Twin Falls has an apartment shortage. For there was no waiting list, the month it took me to move in was just the agency calling me every week saying they wanted me to sign another form. I would've liked them to just give me all the forms at once.

They want you to buy a car as well? This could be get expensive. Maybe you should get the car later. If you have enough money to buy a used car at the moment you should instead use it to pay the bond on your apartment. I got mine paid for by a governmet organisation but in your case you might have to pay it yourself. Bond is typically between $600 and $1,500. They'll want it before you move in so if you don't have that much money now that could be another reason it will take longer than a month.

Once you move in take photos of every part of the apartment. It will probably have some wear and tear from previous tenants and without photographic evidence they might try to blame it on you and not give you your bond back when you move out.

Even NTs can have trouble finding a place to live (especially at short notice) and plenty of them stayed home into their 20s or just moved into a college dorm (where they often think they're living independently but they are not). If your family has such a high standard of perfectionism, even many NTs would find it hard to live up to that.

It sounds like your grandparents are not only judging you by NT standards but worse, they're judging you by the standard of their day, not the present day. Maybe when they were young it was much easier to find an apartment at short notice.

If they expect you to be just like them, make ultimatums, set arbitrary time limits and tell you to do something you've never done before without giving you any help then maybe moving out could eventually be for the best (even though it's a pain now). If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up with your grandparents in the first place?

If they won't budge on their deadline and you don't have an apartment maybe you could stay at the YMCA for a while (so long as you can put up with sleeping in a mass dormitory). Maybe they'll know about some apartments for rent since they get guys in your situation all the time.

Well, it started with me doing terribly at university my first year. I was living in the dorms there and by the end of the second semester I wasn't even leaving my dorm except for food because I was so overwhelmed by all the classes and homework and personal issues that I was dealing with. I felt like I was on the verge of insanity. So when the semester ended I didn't want to stay any longer, I just was too unprepared for it. I'm already on academic probation now so I didn't want to make it any worse.

So I wanted to just go back with my dad which is where I was before, even if it meant getting an apartment nearby because at least I'd be near them, but he kept telling me I need to start working and that I probably had a better chance of finding a job where I was (Utah). I tried telling him about my experience there but I still don't think he realizes how horrible and stressful and depressing that year was for me. I knew I wasn't going to make it just staying out there on my own because I barely made it living in the dorms with a meal plan, so how could I possibly get my own apartment and food and a job that pays well enough? But I couldn't live with him because the landlord made them move and their new lease at a different house apparently only allows them to house 8 people, which is exactly how many there are not including me. My older brother was discouraging me from coming back too so I knew he probably wouldn't be open to me coming there either.

In the end my grandma somehow caught wind of my situation (from my dad I think) and offered to have me come there. So here I am. Although for some reason my grandpa had it in his mind that I had asked to stay with them which is not at all true, my dad relayed my grandma's offer to me, I didn't even consider that originally. So my dad said it would be good to go there because they could teach me and give good advice and help me prepare for the future. Apparently that was an agreement, not an offer, and the fact that I'm not learning at the rate they think I should be I guess I've worn out my welcome. To be honest I only came here because it was my only option besides ending up on the streets. My step dad hates me now so my mom could never convince him to let me stay, which is what she told me herself.

My dad blames my mom for my supposed bad behaviors, he thinks that just because I didn't grow up with him that I was messed up by my mom (which is 100% not true). When I told him about Asperger's and how I read a whole lot about it and that I really strongly felt like reading about the signs and symptoms was like reading my life story, I was really really hoping that for once, since I'd actually found some substantial evidence that many of my issues were not because I was purposely choosing to be bad or selfish, maybe he'd finally listen. I actually was so worried he wouldn't that I wanted to make sure I said everything before he said a word so he couldn't confuse me (not intentionally but I just get confused because 99.9% of the time they don't react how I think they would and I get very flustered). By the end I was certain I'd mentioned everything and expected him to at least want to know more about Asperger's or what led me to that conclusion etc. Instead, he did the same thing as always, giving me more "advice" which didn't apply. He said that I should be careful not to get too intellectual about it and that I shouldn't say things that will sound like I'm making excuses. He even went as far as to imply that he thought I may be getting these "ideas" from my mom. Even though I specifically said that I researched it for weeks in pretty much all my spare time. My older brother also reacted similarly, saying that maybe I'm right but basically that I should just forget about it, now that I know I have it I can deal with it on my own. If I get a diagnosis it will look like I want sympathy so I should just pretend I don't have it. I hate that so much, because they don't even know what it is and they think they can tell me it's not a big deal.

But anyway, to answer your question simply, I ended up here because it was either that or end up homeless. I know they wouldn't believe me if I said that and would probably laugh at me, so I went along with the "getting valuable wisdom" reason like they wanted me to. Which of course is now the reason I have to leave because I am not learning their "wisdom".

I order my groceries online with a supermarket, it helps when you havn't got time to go out or you just don't feel like going out and seeing anyone. It makes things easier for me, I know when to expect it. Also i've noticed a lot of the online supermarkets here (UK) they have recipes, you can choose a recipe and then get all the ingredients from them right there and then, so this helps for ideas on what you want to buy to eat. If you have an android mobile phone or Apple, there are apps that help you organise, you can use them to remind you of anything you need to do. I find if i do all this and write everything down and staying organised really helps me stay relaxed knowing I havnt missed anything important and I know what's coming up.

If your Grandparents are asking you to move out, ask them to help you find a place, this way it could relieve a bit f pressure for you finding it alone and at the same time they know where you are at with your search and maybe they will back off a little as they know you are trying. Don't just jump into any place, make sure you'll be happy living there first.

Once you have moved out try to make regular contact with your family if you can, maybe have a day/time that you call them. That way you don't feel so alone and you could ask them anything you need or need to know. Once I moved out of my Grandparents and finally got myself sorted, I wouldn't have had it any other way, it was great. I also know how hard it is, I was kicked out at 16 and my life was a mess. PM me if you need someone to talk to.

There is a lot of sound practical advice above, become as independent as possible, plan short-long term.

It seems like your families consensus is that it's time for you to sink or swim, perhaps they believe you will learn the hard way. Regardless, this personal space will be good; you can exist as you inside 'your' front door and still live close enough to your family to see them regularly.

On your grandfathers terms you don?t have time to save up, and achieve a small savings buffer. Can you stay with your grandparents for more than one month? If you can, save every cent and practice budgeting, and simple cooking until you leave. Avoid an expensive rental contract for the sake of waiting another few weeks; it will restrict your economic freedom and your experience of independent living. Will your grandfather help you find new accommodation?

Imo don?t buy a car yet, unless it?s new(ish), it could be an unexpected ?money pit?. Creating the potential for unexpected expenses is something I would avoid until i became economically stable. Can you cycle? One of my aims when I left home was total financial independence; this had a positive impact on my relationships as it gave me a more equal footing, and altered the adult-child dynamic.

Well you've already got a job, that's one major obstacle overcome. Don't worry to much about what kind of food to eat. I've lived for months on cereal, frozen meals and Mcdonald's and I lived for weeks on nothing but snackfood. It never did me any harm.

That sounds like every car I've ever owned. Sigh.