Christian parenting of a child with ASD

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My name is Kathy Hoopmann and I am the author of ?All Cats have Asperger Syndrome? and ?Inside Asperger?s Looking Out?. I am in the process of writing a short book on parenting a child with ASD from a Christian perspective. In so many ways, parenting a child with ASD is parenting a child with ASD. Most parenting tips are free from religion:). And I certainly don't want this book to be 'religious'. But I am interested in others' opinions. If you are a follower if Jesus, how has that impacted the raising of your ASD child. If you are not a follower of Jesus, are there any things that those who profess the Christian faith have done or said that has helped or hindered your raising of an ASD child?
Any input welcome!

I'm an atheist, but my Catholic grandmother has told me that there's nothing wrong with me having Aspergers, as it's how God made me. While I personally believe it's the result of genetics and not divine intervention, I like the intention behind her statement. Whether you're religious or not, I believe that tolerance is one of the greatest virtues a person can have.

I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to the religious beliefs of others, so long as no one tries to convert me. I used to be a "pushy" atheist when I was younger and more immature, but I eventually learned that pushing atheism on other people is just as bad as pushing any other set of beliefs. I only wish other atheists were as tolerant, the intolerant ones kind of give us a bad name.

Thanks mr-bigmouth-502. However it is told, a person with ASD needs to know there is nothing 'wrong' with them

We have raised children who have Aspergers and we are Christian.

I do not see anything specific about Christianity or the Bible that would differentiate between an Aspergers or non-Aspergers child.

The admonition to not provoke your child to wrath would have the same application for the pushy father of an NT at a child's sporting event as it would for the father of an Aspergers child who was experiencing some Aspetgers limitation.

The admonition from Deuteronomy about parents teaching their children "along the way" seems to favor a more family integrated approach to child rearing that can be found in home schooling over public schooling, but here also there is nothing specifically applicable to Aspergers.

Having spent 35 years as a Christian, before I grew to change my mind on the faith, one of the issues I found in that environment is those who seek to "heal" someone who is "afflicted." It's certainly not a majority view, but a good many do think that way. I won't go into anecdotes, but any such book should spend a chapter dealing with that, and issues of guilt, divine judgement and such fears.

I am Catholic and over the years, my mother has told me that if I want to be successful in life, I have to be more outspoken about my AS.

@ Mr. Bigmouth: I very much agree with you about forcing beliefs onto other people. For example, Catholics who try to force conservative views onto other Catholics just give Catholics as a whole a bad name.

I strongly believe children shouldn't be raised as any religion, let them grow up and decide for themselves. my parents are religious, and I think we would have a better relationship if they weren't. Ironically I think the tension comes from the same place, they are extremely idealistic and see religion as the route to social justice, where as I see religion as the cause of many problems, judgemental with an unfair influence over peoples lives, which offends my own sense of social justice, but I would never be able to express my views as it is their entire life.

This response might be off topic or it might not be, people with aspergers tend to be logical, not stick to conventions so some may be less susceptible to religion, that combined with stubbornly sticking to their own principles could cause tension. So I guess that is the key thing, flexibility, educate them about religion but don't expect them to believe it, don't create an environment where they can't express their own beliefs because they will find it hard enough to express themselves.

when was younger,mum and dad were hardcore catholics.
their religeon taught them that having a severely autistic daughter was posession by the devil,it helped fuel their resentment even further.
am not a fan of how it shaped their attitude.

I don't blame you, KOR, for feeling this. They imposed lots of crap upon you--perhaps partially in the name of religion.

One of my earliest memories is about my mother telling me about God. I was very young, but I never believed her, and that was very awkward for her... and for me too. It was a strain on our relationship for all of her life. She lived to be 88.

on the positive side,
- unconditional love
- God doesn't make mistakes
- do unto others as you would have them do unto you (teach putting yourself in the other person's shoes/reflection)
- forgiveness and the inappropriateness of revenge, e.g., no stoning of the adultress as everyone has sinned/made mistakes
- of course we all make mistakes. God gave us free choice. and Jesus also taught us the incredible power of forgiveness. So, don't be afraid of having made mistakes. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn and bring us closer. God will always forgive when we are truly, deeply sorry.
- Also there are second chances, like for Mary Magdalene


on the negative side, (based on being raised by a strict Catholic parent who likely has AS)
- God made you that way so
- there's nothing you can do to make life different for yourself
- science is wrong/hocus pocus, especially psychologists
- dismissing any effort as trying to avert God's will; believing more in fate than the ability of human's to make choices/free will
- a priest is the best counselor
- over emphasis on the "rules", rather than the intent of the "rules"
- comparing who is a better person because of the interest in/ability to follow the "rules"
Bottomline--my parent's religiosity has turned me off and away several times. not really a rejection of God on my part, but a way of gaining space from the parent's rantings that echo in my head when I'm at church.

I think for Christians to accept ASD is a lot like them accepting the gay life style(BTW: their are gay christian churches out there.). The bible clearly states that ASD people are demon possessed and the gay life style is an abomination to god. I don't mean to rude or to intrude, but the bible is very clear about this. So as a man of god, rather then accepting the ASD condition. Why doesn't God just cast out the demons rather the mess with them?

as a Hispanic, i was born into a heavy Catholic background, i grew up going to church, i had my first communion when i was 8.
my parents and sister are the only ones in my whole extended family who know about my ASD, but they have never once told me that it's "the Devil's work' or anything like that. just like a friend of mine who is also catholic, they accepted me as who i am, and i'm very grateful for that.

Thank you all so much for your input. It is all very helpful. I have already addressed the ASD desire to have things explained logically and for parents not to dismiss excellent questions about the faith with cliches like "The Bible says so and you cannot argue with that." Personally I get great assurance that faith is based on logic, facts and a proven track record and I know many Aspies who feel the same.

Cynthias, I agree that often in Christian circles ( and just about everywhere else too) there is an over emphasis on the "rules", rather than the intent of the "rules". This is one of Jesus' main complaints about the 'religious leaders' of the day. I will be addressing this too, in my book.

It is interesting LupaLuna that you suggest that the Bible "clearly" states that ASD are demon possessed. In all my studies both from a Christian perspective and an ASD perspective, and in all my chats to people Christians and non Christians alike, I have never heard this said. Where have you heard this? People with ASD do not act in the violent ways that demon possessed do so I cannot imagine that any link could be made between the two.

Thanks again, everyone. your time and frank answers are greatly appreciated.