embarrassed by obsessions?

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i'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i'm hoping it is. i just joined the forum, so i apologize if i made a mistake!

anyway, i've been struggling with a pretty major problem when it comes to my obsessions. like most people on here, i take my obsessions very seriously, and one of the best feelings i can think of is really getting to discuss them with other people, especially when they're interested. when i was younger, i used to be very good at communicating with people about my fixations, though i'm sure i was extremely annoying sometimes since i would go on and on about the topic relentlessly. looking back, i probably alienated a lot of people because of that, and that pretty much brings me to my problem now. i still obsess over things as much as ever, but i am CONSTANTLY worried that i'm going to annoy other people if i ever talk about them, and it's to the point where i try my hardest to repress them.

now if my topic of interest comes up, i get flustered and embarrassed (visibly!) and even find it hard to breathe sometimes. :( it's almost like an anxiety attack, but my emotions are extremely excited and scared at the same time... it's hard to describe. i've never met anyone that gets this, either, even other neurodiverse people, and it's a really terrible feeling that can ruin an entire day. i don't know if it's from repressing my obsessions or from my social anxiety being mixed with excitement... does anyone else get this?

p.s. if you read this, kudos. i got pretty rambly in there. :P

The problem is because you are getting too obsessive and not realizing it. Because of your autism. You can't read the social cues that gives you the necessary feedback you need to regulate your behavior. There is nothing wrong with obsession, but in your case, it's getting out of control because you're not getting that signal that's tells you "enought is enough".

What I find difficult is not being able to tell when my friends are uninterested, and not being able to control my excitement over them. Most of the time, I'm showing my friends pictures of my reptiles (reptiles and Harry Potter are my two main obsessions right now) and I won't stop blurting out random facts. I show them pictures they've already seen 1000 times that day and I'm worried that one day they'll get sick of me. But I feel like I literally cannot control how often I talk about it.

I used to be a lot like the OP, even to the point of interjecting my obsessions off topic with what others are talking about.

I remember as a kid of about 7, my Dad took me to see the church minister one night, to learn about a hobby called DX'ing. This was mid-60's. DX'ing was a hobby of listening to short-wave radio, finding echoes of stations from around the world, writing to them and getting a post card back. Pinned to his wall were hundreds of post cards from everywhere.

He was explaining something to me and my Dad, which I heard entirely, but a second track in my brain was obsessing about the colored pins he used on his wall. When he finished the explanation, Dad asked if I understood what was said. I replied something like, "Yes. Did you know you can get dressmaker pins for a lot cheaper?" They both laughed and I didn't immediately understand why.

Now-a-days, if a pet topic of mine comes up, I want to let loose a barrage of info, ideas or arguments on the topic. But I hold back. I know to give others a chance to be heard, and to feel their words valued. But the whole time, my stomach is churning with the need to spill on this most favored topic. Over the years, I've learned the value of being a good listener, and that has tempered my need to spill, but I still have my moments. It's especially hard when the person I'm talking to has an entrenched view that I have issues with.

Online is different. I have the time to do both, to listen and to think about my reply. But face-to-face, I get quite anxious at times, and often trip over my words.

When I was younger, I opened my mouth way too often. These days I do more listening than speaking, and it's helped me feel better about things, even if at times I wish I had said this or that.

There is verture in being a good listener. but that doesn't get to the root of the problem. Because you can't read the social cues. You have no real way of knowing when to stop spilling. You are not receiving the reply/acknowledgement from the other person that lets you know they had enough. It's like eating until you're full. You know you're full by a felling you get of not wanting to eat any more. That felling (if you think about it.) takes away your desire/craving to want to eat. People who are compulsive eaters, will keep on eating until the stomachs rupture. And it all because they don't get that felling that tell them that their stomach is full. The regulator/governor is broken.