Mom punishing me for stimming?

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Now that I am almost off my meds, I stim a bit more and now my mother is not only taking away my music so I won't do my music stim, but every time I do my jumping stim, she forces me to sweep the floors or clean something. She said that she is doing this in the hopes that I will begin to be more aware of when I stim so I can stop doing it and be more normal and not embarrass her. She also gets up and laughs and mocks my stim behaviors in front of me, and she creates caricatures of my stim faces by rolling her eyes back in her head with her tongue hanging out, often while laughing. She tells me that I look ridiculous like that to people and asks me if I am aware of it. She even made me do one of my stim behaviors in front of the mirror and then asked me about 7 times if it looked normal to me.

I think you're mum is being abusive towards you and I notice that you are 18 so too old to have things taken off you, in my opinion, especially when you have done nothing wrong.
I don't know what to advise though. Do you just live with your mum?

she has good intentions but her methods are bad
to be honest you should practice not stimming in public I know you should have no shame but the world is not that way and it will block a lot of doors socially
I wish someone gave me this advice when I was younger

When I was about 15, my mother told me I looked like a spastic (because of my stimming). It hurt me at the time (and still hurts if I'm honest) but I think it was for the best. I don't think I would have been so accepted by society if I had continued to stim so obviously. I don't really see the problem with stimming when you're at home by yourself though. Maybe be less obvious about it?

I have to agree with this post while I can not totally control my stimulating behaviour I hide it as much as possible at work even though everyone there knows I am on the spectrum.

I wholeheartedly agree with this comment. Her methods are way not okay, but her intentions are good. I know a lot of people in the autistic community are against controlling stimming, but I think being aware enough to redirect it to a less disruptive or noticeable stim in public is a good thing. I know that if I were unable to suppress my stims or redirect them, then I would definitely have an even harder time socially than I do now.

There are non-abusive, non-offensive ways of helping someone become aware of their stimming, and of how other people may perceive it.

I also believe it should be left up to the individual to decide whether or not they would like to try to suppress their stimming (if that's even a realistic thing for them to attempt). There are more important things in life than looking normal and your mother's embarrassment is her problem.

Your mom is being verbally and emotionally abusive. That is just so wrong, ugh. I suppressed my stimming (for a long, complicated reason that actually had nothing to do with other people), and it led to a skin picking disorder. Stimming is a very effective calming mechanism that should be respected.

As for not stimming in public (as long as it's not something noisy or in other people's space), screw that! If someone is going to avoid or mock me because of stimming, that's not someone I need to be around in the first place. Better to know right away that they're narrow-minded conformists than find out after you've started to like and trust them!

Extremely distractive stimming can make others uncomfortable. I'm on the spectrum, stim in some small or large way constantly, and I even get physically uncomfortable when others stim around me. It's not always coming from a place of judgement.

Okay, your mom is trying some clumsy behaviorist techniques, without your buy-in as partner and that's a pretty important aspect.

Maybe it's worth pointing out that baseball players, basketball players, poker players, etc., often stim.

Now, I am in favor of a public-private distinction, but it's not going to be a 100% deal.

Girlwithaspergers, your description of what your mother does to you just breaks my heart. Stimming is something that's natural and self-regulating for us, and if your mom has issues with it, then SHE'S the one with the problem, not you, dear. *HUGS* from a little coupe who used to get punished/shamed for stimming too.

I agree with Nicholas. Personally I was emotionally and verbally abused for things like this by my aunt. She would even mock me during meltdowns.

Last edited by IAmTheCatalyst on 27 Sep 2014, 5:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My wife would get very embarrassed by any of my behaviours that i unconsciously felt the need to do, such as twitching or my way of twisting my arms around my head and she would tell me off. I found it so stressful to have to suppress it. After i was diagnosed, i think maybe she relents a little now and lets me be me a bit more. I did not understand my behaviour either, I just felt the need to do it. Now i understand why i do it.

But when someone puts pressure on you to suppress your natural behaviour, it can cause you more stress not less, especially if their methods humiliate you. Im more confident now to tell her that its her problem not mine. Be yourself.

It is totally outrageous for punishing anyone for a response to excess nervous energy. My psychiatrist put forward the theory to me that people on the Spectrum and many others tend to lack a self-soothing mechanism to dissipate excess nervous energy - thus some of us stim. I didn't even know that I would still flap my hands until I asked three different trustworthy coworkers who did confirm that, yes - sometimes when I am nervous or excited I do. My psychiatrist recommends that I acquire a stress ball or some other comforting fiddle device to dissipate that nervous energy in a less demonstrative mode. For me, that does seem to largely work. When I am all alone though - I feel comfortable to stim to my hearts content. What difference does it make then?

Luckily for me. I learned stimming etiquette at a young age. Had to. Although I was never punished for doing it. I did learn that it was not socially accepted behavior and was look down upon. As a result. I hated myself for doing it but I had to it or otherwise, I'd go stir crazy. I learned to treat my stimming vents a lot like going to the bathroom. If I needed to stim, I'd just leave and head to a private area and do my thing and nobody had to know what I was doing.

Mine has been like this. However while I do things I private that no one sees since my diagnosis I realize I do more in public then I realized.

Unfortunately taking the analogy to the OP's situation would be a person who is viciously mocked for peeing or defecating and that is abuse. All she do if moving is not an option is to find a private places to do what she needs to do.

Going to a psych or school counselor would be taking a risk. There is a chance it will help, but there is a good chance these "professionals" will agree with the mother probably not with her tactics but with the basic idea stimming is wrong. As the old saying goes "follow the money". The OP is from the USA and while individual states administer Obamacare there are many aspects the are mandated by the Federal Government. I noticed in my plan when my arm was broken 30 hours of psychical therapy were partially subsidized. I needed more and was forced to pay out of pocket for the rest forcing me to stop PT before I should have. If I was a kid in school Obamacare will pay for 180 hours of ABT to rid me of my Autistic traits. The "professionals" looking to supposedly "help" are quite aware of this.