Some words of Loneliness

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Seems to be a thing right now. Feeling Lonely. Here are a few words I wrote. I wouldnt call it a poem, just thoughts I guess in an organized pretty form

Loneliness

Loneliness is not just about the absence of people.
Loneliness comes in all forms.
Sitting in a room with your family can bring Loneliness. The attempts you make to fit in. The rejection you feel, whether it is in your mind or really present. It is a form of Loneliness.
Loneliness comes in all ways.
Cuddling with the one you love can be lonely. Knowing what you go through is out of their reach of understanding. The calmness that exists between the both of you now is only stemming from the silence of being misunderstood daily. That is a way of Loneliness.
Loneliness comes in all shapes.
Being accepted in a group of friends. Noticing your the only one not laughing cause you dont get the joke or that there even was one. That is a shape of Loneliness.
Loneliness comes in all languages.
Being in a room full of moms talking. They turn to you and ask you a parenting question. The room gets silent and awkward but you keep talking anyway. They turn away and continue the talk to each other. That is a language of Loneliness.
Loneliness comes in all feelings.
Waking up with the thought you will be normal today. Do everything you can to prove you fit in or to not letting your feelings get the best of you. Then doing the opposite cause you realize you are you and there is no changing how you are wired. Punishing yourself cause you want to feel normal. That is a feeling of Loneliness.
Loneliness comes in all pains.
Knowing you will never fit in no matter how much therapy, medications or attempts. Living around people who refuse to learn anything about you and what you go through. People judging you based on your pains and mistakes rather than years and years of charity, helping others and being an ear for anyone at anytime. Judgement. That is a pain of Loneliness.
Loneliness comes in all looks.
Being disabled in the mind is hard. People seeing how you look and "act" normal because you can stand, walk, eat, and talk. When inside your head is constant fear, anxiety, depression and unworthiness. When you can pay for your groceries but really you cant even do a simple division problem if you tried. Being able to play with your kid but cant hold a simple conversation with someone your age. Can do dishes but has a fear of touching the water. Can put people first but miss cues that what you say is inappropriate or mean. Can get dressed in the morning but cant do it without pacing your room a couple dozen times cause your clothes dont feel or fit right that day. That is just a FEW looks of Loneliness.

The biggest loneliness is wishing people would not get mad at you or call you mean and selfish when you know in your heart that it is a lie. I would do anything for anyone. Stop f*****g see what I do when I AM IN PAIN. See what I do when I am happy and life is going good. See that, take that in. I am a good person. f**k everyone else who wants to ignore everything I have ever done for them or the people around them. I am f*****g sick and tired of conforming to your life and your ways and having to fight out of mine to stay "normal" in your views. I am me. I am great. And I know it.

<hugs>

Eloquently stated.

thank you *hugs back*

Sorry about the swearing at the end, kinda takes the prettiness out a bit though.

Authenticity isn't about a pretty package.

I really like it. *hugs*

You almost exactly wrote about me actually.

Thanks for sharing it.

glad you could relate! Also I love the "blackbirds" verse you have under your post. How do we get that on our things? I noticed many have something under their posts like that.

It takes courage to experience loneliness on so many dimensions at once. I am sure many people will relate to what you have expressed with
identification and the relief that comes from knowing they are not alone in the same experience.

Yep, I really got a lot from this. I think there's an element of strength in numbers- I certainly feel much better for knowing I've found such a supportive community.
Thank you for having the strength to post this; I'm sure that for everyone who has posted and acknowledged it, 10 more have read it and reflected on it before moving on.

As far as the text at the end of posts, it's known as a 'signature' -- Go to 'My Account' at the top right, then Edit Profile... Just after halfway down there's a box labelled 'signature (optional)' for you