What does love feel like?

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I always remember feeling awkward when people said they love me, and even now I still do, even with close family. But I don't feel any strong connection to anyone, or at least I don't recognize it, so that's why I always feel very awkward when it comes to any type of emotional connection. When people say, "I love you", saying it back feels very strange, almost like I'm lying.

The closest connection I have would be with my mom, as I think we have a very similar understanding of things and I can talk to her about a lot, but I still don't feel any sort of emotion about it, at least not that I can tell. I feel apathetic towards my dad and step mom. I would never tell them this, but honestly I don't know if I'd even be sad if they died. I know that sounds horrible, but I really don't think I would, unless it was because I felt like I was supposed to be sad and crying, and simply chose to fake it, rather than have an involuntary reaction to the loss. And it's not that I hate or dislike them, I just feel like no connection whatsoever. Is this normal?

Connectivity, like most things, exists on a spectrum. There are some people who thrive at being connected to as many people as they can (hence why social media is so popular) and plenty of others (like, it would sound, youself) who don't experience connection in the same way.

As for love, that's tricky. Every now and then, particularly if my wife is either late from work or if she is unusually quiet, I have these intense feelings of dread and a wave of relief when she comes home or I muster up the courage to ask her if she's upset with me (rarely is this the case, but sometimes I say stupid stuff ). For me, this balance is how I experience love. It's a little scary, but pleasant and warm when it's going right. That's the best way I can describe it. Or at least my experience with it.

I don't say I love you to people even when I do, because saying it doesn't seem to mean anything.
It kind of belittles what you really feel.

I agree. I only say it in response if someone else says it, since it would probably be seen as pretty rude if I didn't in that situation.

I don't get too hung up on feelings because really they don't count for much. I think it's better to demonstrate love. Do things for other people to show you care for them. Recognise that other people care for you by the things they do.
Anyone can say they love you - it's how they show it that makes it real.
I frequently tell the significant people in my life I love them because I know it's important for other people. The more you say it the easier it becomes, but it's still difficult to hear.

I wish I could help you but I don't know either. The way I've heard love described, that kind of thing just isn't part of my experience. When I was younger there were certain people I liked to be around, but that alone isn't love; there are people I find sexually attractive, but that alone isn't love either. So I'm stumped, basically. All I know is that people who say they're in love act incredibly silly, like they're on drugs or something. (Which, neurologically, I guess they are.)

You may be right. Anyone can say "I love you", and there's no telling what they really mean by it.

I don't recall ever feeling really connected to anyone, on a personal, direct level, except a few pets. I do feel a slight connection on the abstract level. I am sorry when bad things happen to people, and glad when good things happen to them, but I have no real personal bond to people. It used to bother me when I was younger, but after several decades of this, I am used to it. Besides, spending too much time with people bothers me, because they make no secret of the fact that they consider me strange, and not "one of them." Being by myself is better than putting up with that.

To be honest, I feel like they say it a lot more than they show it; that was especially true when I was living there. They said it sometimes, but I always felt like they were just annoyed by me and didn't think I tried very hard at anything. And they didn't listen to me when I tried to explain things to them.

I don't feel comfortable talking to them even about normal things, it feels awkward; let alone personal things. I haven't told them much about my recent Asperger's diagnosis because I don't feel like they ever try to listen or understand, and I know from trying to bring it up before that they will see it as an excuse even if I tell them it's not. My step mom was outright mean sometimes and I wasn't necessarily hurt by it as much as I was offended and angry. They always compare me to the other kids and make me feel like I'm stupid in front of them. I could go on and on about it, but basically I just don't feel comfortable talking to them about anything really, and even just when I'm around them I feel like I need to pretend, and not be myself so they will accept me.

Needing to pretend for people to accept you. Trying to do this for love or finding a significant other will cause anxiety and you will over load as time goes by. Mathematical certainty.

Saying I love you when there is some animosity towards them does feel like lying. It makes the phrase "love should not be conditional" completely illogical.

So let's break this down to its details.

the word love is used as a synonym for sex. "We made love that night"

Does love = Sex?

Some say yes, some say no. You can have sex with people and not love them. Some people can't have sex with people unless they love them.

This love word is to confusing already.

I loved my girl friend until the point we stopped having sex.

Does love = Respect?

Yes, you need mutual respect for each other to love each other. I can respect other people but not love them. A mutual respect for a significant other seems to be a pre requisite for love.


So in conclusion. Love is a higher form of respect with sexual attraction.

Attraction is a bond, and that bond can be broken.

So the question is what does it feel like to have a bond with some one? This answer is probably different for every one. Food for thought.

I feel as though you have described this very well and I appreciate your sharing it! This is a very good description of how I might typically experience love in a relationship (no significant other, but I do have some friends).

I agree; I am more apt to demonstrate my respect and care for another person without necessarily feeling anything, and I say "I love you" because I know they need to hear it and it would be mean (and untrue!) if I didn't. Even though I don't have the expected feelings, I do genuinely love them, because I want what is good for them and I am willing to make sacrifices toward their happiness (time, effort, concern, etc.).

I think there's only one person that I REALLY feel a strong emotional bond with, and that's my best friend. A lot of that is because she really understands me and accepts and accommodates my differences. She helped me so much and gave me support when I was going through the process of realizing that I'm autistic and went with me when I got my diagnosis.

I definitely feel confused by the topic of love. My best friend and I once got on the subject and I told her that I thought love was wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone and having a deep connection. She replied that love was the desire to have sex with someone and to feel passionate about them. But then a few months later when she told me that she loved me (platonically) I brought up her previous statement and noted that there was a difference between her love for me and her love for her boyfriend. She got really pissed and didn't want to talk about it (although I think it was for a different reason than our current conversation) so I'm still not sure. I can comprehend family love where you love someone even if you don't necessarily 'like' them in that moment. However romantic love is a complete mystery to me. Especially when it comes to committing time to something or someone that you don't deeply care about or 'love'.

When you really dont want someone to die

And when losing them as a presence in your life, to you, is a fate worse then dying.

I'm not too sure what it feels like.

But I've felt "at home" with certain people and that's good enough for me.