Still misunderstanding

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I've been a member of WP for a little while now. It's great to know there's people out there who I can relate to. I've discovered a lot of wonderful people here.
But:
One of my main difficulties is communication. Verbal communication is very challenging for me. Writing is easier. I've been trying to work on my communication skills by posting here. In some ways it's helped. Other times I still just don't get it.

1) I can't always work out what a poster is asking.
2) I get stuck on a word or phrase and I don't know how it relates. I want to ask, "what do you mean by 'blah blah' - but everyone else seems to get it.
3) I feel like I'm still having those parallel conversations at times.
4) I agonise over (and re-edit) everything I post.
5) Some people have commented on my posts with 'wow' or something similar and I have no idea what that means. I want to ask what it means, but I should know, shouldn't I?
6) I either don't get the humour or I find serious (horrible) things funny.
7) I know what I want to say but it doesn't always come out right.
I feel socially awkward.
9) I feel like I should stop posting before I say something completely idiotic.

When I look at this list, I realise I'm having the exact same problems with writing that I have with speaking to people (except for the stuttering - that's much improved ).
I think I just need to accept I will never 'get' these things.
If I have ever offended anyone or said something stupid, I apologise.

Last edited by Raleigh on 30 Sep 2014, 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

For most people, communication isn't perfect. Even on NT-majority forums people might misunderstand each other, and sometimes they just don't read opening posts.

I can relate to a lot you say there. Misunderstandings are more common online for anyone. I find I can write a post and people still don't read it because of the way they respond but I have seen it happen to NTs too (assuming they are NT). If I go to a place where that is so common, I discard it as being my communication issue. I can't blame everyone on AS.

i agree, people posts can be misunderstood.
5) i guess by ¨wow¨ that they may be impressed
don´t worry about 4, 7 and 9. Sometimes (not so often now) I say the wrong thing (not on purpose) or people misunderstand me. If they take your post wrong, just explain.

I am the same way, but 50 years older. I edit... re-edit... delete... or scrub many of my post to just a few dots.


I go for weeks without posting... then post something (totally ignorant, embarrassingly personal, boring), and delete after a few minutes. Sometimes I will notice that a couple hundred people have read the post and no one has commented, and I know my face goes red (sitting here by myself), and I vow I will never comment again. And then a few days or weeks pass and there I am sharing my nonsense again on WP.

Hi Raleigh,

I feel totally the same. I remember saying 'wow' to one of your replies to me. It was about drying your clothes on a retractable washing line indoors. I said 'wow' in 'great, there's someone else like me'. Just so you know : )

By the way, one GP I tried explaining my problems/symptoms to said, I'm so difficult to understand. Excuse the lingo (I'm sick of being nice) but she was a b***h and a half. I admit even I get confused about what I'm trying to say and what I say sometimes. It's like someone else controlling my mouth. But being a GP with decades of experience (she was an old bat), she should realized I'm struggling with communication. Instead she accused me of googling my symptom cuz my speech is somewhat formal and I sometimes I do speak as if reading straight from a text book. I'm trying to speak more casual now and I think it's sounding better. Anyway I'm just rambling now, so I'll be off. Sorry I couldn't help.

Yes. Guilty. When I first joined, I would respond to the title of the post instead of what the body of the post contained which sometimes conflicted. My posts must have seemed nonsensical.
I'm not very experienced with forums. I belonged to an art forum many years ago where I was critiqued to death. I remember one poster said my art had an 'obvious focal point'. Well, isn't that the purpose of a focal point - to be obvious? I still wonder about that years later.

Last edited by Raleigh on 30 Sep 2014, 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think online posts anywhere, not just here, can often get misunderstood, by NTs too. It's an inherent problem in posting on any forum board. Even the best writer can word something in such a way that an unintended meaning is extrapolated by some readers.

It's not easy to always choose exactly the perfect way to express something, and also, emotional tone can be lost in posts on forum boards, which is why emoticons can sometimes help add the tone back in again. For example, someone may type something that, if said face to face, you could see a warm smile on their face, but in typed words it just looks cold. I think this kind of thing happens a lot.

Remember, too, that some people's reading comprehension skills are not good, and that again applies to NTs on any forum board, not just people on WP. Or someone might jump to conclusions regarding what you meant, because they have their own axe to grind and would have taken anything you said the wrong way anyway, which is more about them, not you.

Don't worry about it too much, and don't stop posting. Keep in mind that this misunderstanding problem seem to happen on any forum board anywhere ever.

Oh, thanks. I was a bit worried you meant 'wow' as in that's the weirdest thing you've ever heard.

Me again. I've never worked out how to do those split quotes.
You said it's like someone else is controlling your mouth. Sometimes I feel as though my mouth and brain aren't even connected.
I guess I'm feeling deflated because I thought reading and writing was the answer. Now I'm thinking my comprehension is off as well. That means my brain is disconnected from more than just my mouth.

I never worked out how do the split quotes either and I also come across as odd at best on other forums.


I am 40 and still struggling with the things you described.

If you don't know what is being communicated ASK

We come from different countries, religions, genders, generations, places on the spectrum.
We all have a communication issues of some sort
So lack of understanding will happen.

We are people who generally has not been able or allowed to communicate. The lengths of the posts and the amount of posts common here shows a desperation to say something and to be finally finally listened to. It is a shame if the time or mental energy used to make these posts are wasted.
So ask.

There will always be posts on a forum where you experience that. Sometimes all it takes is to read the combination of words wrong, especially in long complex sentences.


Maybe those posting there get it. And maybe some of them at least don't and simply ignore that particular part of it and reply to the post without getting that part.
There have been posts here where I'm not sure what a particular sentence means, even entire posts by some, but I'm highly unlikely to ask. Don't think lack of questions necessarily mean lack of misunderstanding.


I'm sure it happens more to us than to others, but it does happen to everyone sometimes. I have seen that for myself IRL.
Been part of it too. As a teen for instance I was sometimes with two other girls. We'd sit in the room of one of them, let's call her Mary. Mary would swoon about the boy she crushed on. The other girl would swoon about the boy she liked. I would then yap a little about either my obsession at the time or the crush I had. Then it was back to Mary or the other girl etc. There was very little real interaction, just each of us letting one of the others talk, then have a go at your own preoccupation. I have never experienced such a lack of real interaction feel so good.


Yeah, I can so relate. I will usually start replying on here. Then I will freak out over some part of what I've written and copy what I've got so far to a Word file and work on it there for hours. Most long posts I post here
take me at least an hour or two to write. Sometimes way more.
Even writing it privately first doesn't negate mistakes. Or I'll forget something I wanted to write. Just recently I wrote another post in another subforum here that I edited 4 times within a few minutes and 5 times I think in total.


I haven't noticed so I can't comment on that.
But this is an ASD forum, so if you feel comfortable asking, I don't see why you shouldn't.


I can usually understand humor, and I like dark humor.


That can happen. To everyone. Even news readers on TV mess up sometimes.
When it does happen, try to calm down and laugh it off. Gather your thoughts and try again. It's a much bigger deal in your head than it is to anyone else.


This is an ASD forum, we're all socially awkward.


Try not to fret too much about it.
But also: Don't post anything you're not comfortable with.
Edit: IDK how old you are, but if you're a teenager or even in your early 20's, it's even more natural to feel that way. Also, I noticed now that you joined in July, so you're still fairly new here. I was extremely conscious about what I wrote on here too when I was new, way more than now. And different people will feel differently about it.

I rarely ask clarifying questions irl.
This is because it's difficult for me to form questions. People don't often say anything but, ironically, impatience is a facial expression I can read very well.
Over the years I've learned not to ask too many questions. I try to work things out by myself or ask someone who I'm comfortable with their opinion.
I know asking questions on a forum is different, but I still feel weird about doing it.
In the future though, I will try to do as you suggest.
Thanks.

Skilpadde, thanks for your advice. I hope you didn't spend hours on your post!
I'm not a teenager or anywhere close to being one except internally.

You're welcome. Haha, no, not hours. It took me a little less than an hour to write my above post.
A minute or two on this. Maybe 3. I over think everything.

I think feeling very young can still make one feel that way even if one isn't in terms of chronological age. Just my two cents.