Is my family overreacting to my tics?

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I have a habit of chirping/"barking" when I'm stressed. This grates on my family, (my mother, father, and brother), and they think I'm doing it because I hate them. This leads to a lot of confrontations that make our lives very difficult.

My psychiatrist has said that I tic when I'm stressed, which can be from them yelling at me or doing something loud, but I'm not punishing them. She also says that it goes away, and that if I don't do it at school, everything's fine.

If my dad is yelling at me to stop ticking and I try to explain to him that the yelling makes it worse, he yells at me that I'm blackmailing him. My brother abuses the law of causality to make me feel like a freak, and my mother sometimes runs up to me, grabs my hands, and screeches in my ear. They continue to tell me that I'm attacking them. I think this is very self-centered.

I happen to hate it when people suck their fingers. If I ask my brother to stop this, he proceeds to exaggeratedly suck his fingers. My fathers thinks it's "unreasonable". My mother sometimes does and sometimes doesn't act understanding. Most recently, she treated to throw something at me in public when I asked her to stop sucking mustard off her fingers.

Before you say anything, yes, I do want to stop ticking, and I am working on it. But my family makes it very difficult, and I don't think my psychiatrist would approve. But am I misinterpreting? Is this normal, or at least understandable behavior from them?

I didn't even realized until recently that I was still flapping my hands at times when I would get excited or exceptionally nervous. My psychiatrist says that this is simply a self-soothing mechanism done to calm ourselves - like a kind of pressure release valve. - In autism it is sometimes called "stimming." My psychiatrist has actually said that it would not be a good thing to simply try to stop it - because I am doing it for a reason - to soothe myself. However, his suggestions is that I acquire something like a stress ball or some other comforting fiddle device to dissipate some of that excess energy and do so in a less demonstrative manner. I find that it does seem to help. Of course when I'm in private I will stim to my hearts content. Why not?

In my opinion they are overreacting. Has your psychiatrist spoken directly too them about the tics or did you just pass on what she said? If she hasn't spoken to your family, that might be helpful and they might gain more of an understanding. I am sorry they are being so unreasnable.

It sounds like stimming rather than tics.

Other than that your family is way out of line. They're not being understanding at all and some of the things you describe sound almost abusive to me. They don't respect your needs or feelings when you tell them to stop finger sucking but then they expect you to stop stimming because they don't like it. That's totally unfair. Why don't they have to stop finger sucking while you're expected to adjust your behaviour for them? Why is it that only their needs matter? Then you call dad out on something that he's doing and he shifts the blame to you. They're not behaving reasonably at all.

^^^
THIS

To be fair, I know I can be intolerant when I'm tired and stressed. It's a very small house and I get overstimulated easily by thumps and small noises. I might yell at them for making noise. So it's not just "abusive" on their end. I do try, though. And my psychiatrist says that my chirping can be a result of keeping it contained at school, so I have struggles besides at home, that I manage.

My mother agrees to not suck her fingers if I don't chirp. But I don't see her trying. I do chirp a lot, but I try to stop. I try joint cracking and muscle tension a lot. Still, I feel like they get some wiggle room if I do. She also agrees with me about my brother's unreasonableness. But she's also really extreme when she gets upset, the worst of them. As for my brother and dad... their viewpoint is basically what you're describing.

I've tried to go outside to help this. Actually, I remember a certain encounter a few weeks ago where I chirped in front of my mother, and she yelled at me. I got upset and tried to go outside to calm down, but she stopped me and yelled at me that I just stop it and our neighbors would hear. This led to other stuff that worries me about her, but it's not really relevant to this topic.

Yes. Yes, they are.

Your family--and to some degree, your psychologist--don't seem to have much of an idea what tics even are. A tic is something beyond your control. It "just happens". You can probably delay or resist some, but not all, of the tics, and yes, they happen more when you're stressed, excited, or energetic; but fundamentally, they are involuntary. Tics happen when you can't catch yourself fast enough before you do something like make a noise or perform an action, and usually they are small, meaningless actions like your chirping/barking sounds. They are a brain-based, neurological problem, not an emotional problem, and certainly not something you do to get "revenge" on anyone. They just happen.

I think your family needs to get a clue, and your psychologist needs to stop stressing the fact that they get worse when you're anxious, because while that's true, the important thing for everyone involved to remember is that they are not voluntary nor are they an attempt to annoy.

The best approach is to find a way to exist peacefully, with your family not annoyed and you not constantly being badgered as though you were deliberately annoying people. There are some medical treatments available, but most people with tics don't bother with them unless the tics are very severe, because medications have risks and side effects and tics are pretty harmless unless they are really interfering with a person's life, for example constantly distracting them or causing repetitive motion injuries.

Your family is being very unreasonable. You literally can't stop and you are not trying to annoy them. They on the other hand are deliberately annoying you by sucking on their fingers even when they know how much it annoys you. Their actions are voluntary; yours are not.

Maybe just for sanity's sake, you should try to stay away from your family. I don't give that kind of extreme advice lightly, but it doesn't seem like your family is treating you very well at all, and you're probably going to have to get out of the house as soon as you possibly can to get away from their yelling and guilt-tripping emotionally abusive behavior. I get the feeling that they have labeled you as "the family problem", and that is never a good role to have to play.

^^^ +1

I don't get why they hate your chirping that much. Explain that it's not because you hate them. (I don't get how they drew that conclusion.)

I also don't get why you hate your brother's sucking of his fingers. Make a deal with him that you don't hate on him sucking his fingers if he doesn't hate on your chirping.