Redefining/Rethinking/Rewiring our abilities

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Okay, so I had a bit of a revelation of definition last night which I'd like to share in the hope that it might inspire some thought and hope into other peoples' perception of their abilities.

I'm a musician, I identify chiefly as a musician and visual artist when introduced to people.
Up until last night, I'd defined my artistic ability by my output. As in, the songs that I have written and recorded, produced etc. and the artwork/projections I show others.
Then it hit me. I hope these statements help to convey what I'm trying to get across here...

My savant ability, if you will, is being able to compose music in my mind.
I should only be concerned with working to close the gap between the music which plays in my mind and that which I can express in the physical world.
The actual output is irrelevant so long as I am expressing that which occurs within me.
My ability is not being able to play musical instruments. My ability is hearing perfect music in my mind. My mission is to transcribe it.
I should not be frustrated that I can't play the arpeggios that I want to on the guitar... Yet. I will one day. That is not my ability. Playing instruments isn't easy.
The music in my mind flows forth without effort. All I need to do is continue writing, practice and I will bridge that gap.

I hope that makes sense

P.S... I've always marveled at the single letter seperating artistic from autistic. Makes a lot of sense really

Excellent insights. I think you have discovered a key to contentment. I also love the one letter difference in the two words!

bungleton, your post is really interesting because I'm the same way. I spent most of my life being very musical and artistic in the visual arts also. I also, like you, have an ability to compose entire and coherent pieces of original music inside my head -- but my ability to play it with instruments is very much poorer. I've always played instruments to accompany myself, but that's about as far as my virtuosity on them went. I can't play the fancy stuff that fully transcribes the music I conceive in my head. I've always done the best I can (I too have always been in into recording also and have/had a little home studio.)

I think there is some amazing equipment out there in recent times, that some film music composers use to get the music out of their heads and into some quite sophisticated synthesis of same, and from there it can even print out orchestra parts! That stuff will never be in my financial reach, but It's good to know that some musicians like me who aren't virtuosos instrumentally but compose music we can't actually play ourselves can now be film composers using technology -- well, and given the fact that a filmmaker wants them!

But anyway, that's me rambling about my own one-time dream.

Just to say, I totally get what you're saying about that leap between what's in your head and what gets to the outside world.

Do you have any more information on this equipment?
I've vaguely considered finding a way to write scores on my phone at work when I'm usually inspired but can't record in any way (major source of frustration...)
I'm at the point of trying to figure out where I can keep a guitar or keyboard at work so I can play on my lunchbreak, but that means I also have to figure out a way to not draw attention to myself so I don't have to answer stupid questions ('Do you play the guitar?') or have people listening in etc.

Glad you found the post interesting. I do hope it inspires you

I think it's just software in both synthesizers and digital recording equipment these days, that can do a lot with a small input of played music. For example, there is software that can take one simple musical phrase of a few notes you play into a keyboard, and extrapolate that into an arpeggio or or a chord, etc. It won't do any actual composing for you, of course, but it can expand on the notes you play.

Then I think it's also computer software that can take a piece you've played into the memory of a keyboard and print out the score for it -- I have no idea what these softwares are called, but I've seen composers of film scores talking about them in documentaries. Because of these ew technologies, there are musicians who can't read or write actual sheet music because they come from a rock or pop background, but can now have careers as film composers, such as Danny Elfman and Hans Zimmer, without needing to be classically trained like John Williams and the like.

I haven't done much musically for years, but talking about this stuff is kind of lighting up a bit of inspiration again, yeah! My old recording gear is all in boxes but sometimes I think I should get back into it. I think I'd like to explore computer recording though, as I used to just use the old school stand-alone gear.

Yes I marvel at that too, it makes perfect sense.

I had the same ability as you, to hear full pieces of music in my head. But I had trouble with being able to transcribe them. I was only able transcribe up to the limits of my ability to play the piano. I got really frustrated when I wasn't able to play what I was hearing in my mind.

I eventually gave up on it all, and wish I hadn't but my heart's just not in it anymore. So please stick with it.