Does anyone feel like the "failure" child or is it

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, basically my parents have myself(16) and my sister(9) and I just feel like I was like their test baby.
My sister is in top sets for for all her subjects and if you compare that to me of when I was in the same school year as her, I was in the lower sets. Plus she has no problems with her whatsoever. If you look at my life so far I've suffered with depression(Plus trying to attempt...) , social anxiety, suffering with an EDNOS(eating disorder not specified), having AS., and failing some of my end of school despite the fact I worked my butt off to try and get a good grade. (I passed 2/3rds of them however I still feel like I've failed all)
Does anyone just feel they are nothing compared to their siblings because I do.

Well my younger sister a year younger has been essentially independent for quite a while now, has an apartment, job car and has had multiple boyfriends(I have had a few myself, she's probably had more though). My brother recently was able to get a job(he's had some work before but only 20 so obviously not a ton) but yeah he's got a job now and looking to move out....and I am on SSI and 25 because of some of the aspergers related issues and other mental conditions I have, seems my younger siblings are faring a bit better.

You may catch up later. Not everyone who's been successful in school is doing just as well later in life, the same goes for behavioral problems and difficulties with fitting in. Endurance and persistence also play a role. Einstein wasn't a good student, for example. New ideas often come from original thinkers. Also, there are people who just mature at a slower rate. Actors, scientists, artists, etc.

i feel incompetent in comparison to my sister who graduated and can speak and read better than i can. she overall preforms better than me and can withstand more stress and work than i can. shes 3 years older than me.

I'm more of the miracle baby than a failure. My mom was told she would never have kids, yet she had me. Anyway, I do feel as if I'm a failure though. I can't do anything right half of the time, and my parents don't seem to understand me. They are too wrapped up in their own problems to understand that I struggle in a mental sort of way. D:

I'm an only child & I feel like that. I have physical disabilities & other mental stuff in addition to Aspergers & I struggled all my life with things. I never went to college because I struggled with school so much & I only worked 5 years sense I graduated because my disabilities really limit me with employment & I'm 31 now. I'm on Social Security Disability & my parents think I'm lazy for being on it instead of working.

Heck yeah I feel like the failure child. My younger half-sisters, Pandy and BirdGirl, did great at school all during their elementary school years - they had no learning difficulties, or needed supports, 504 plans, special ed, comfort items or stim toys and certainly not any therapy or counseling. Now Pandy is in high school and BirdGirl's in junior high, and they're still doing great. I feel like when my mom and stepdad tell me what jobs I'd be good for and that I should totally pursue library science, I feel like they're just giving me empty praise, and that they know d@mn well what a failure at life I am. My stepfather once told me that I'd be great at a data entry job, a job that pays less than a living wage per year (I know, I Googled it). Gee thanks, dude...I know, I know, I probably deserved that anyway.

My older stepbrothers are both wildly successful too - even my oldest stepbrother who dropped out of college owns and maintains a franchise of apartments he inherited from his bio. father and owns several renovated classic automobiles. My second-oldest stepbrother is in the computer programming field and has even gone to work in Afghanistan and at the Pentagon and White House, fixing up their computer stuff. I've come to feel nervous and intimidated by my middle stepbrother the same way I am by my stepmother, since I've realized in recent years that he's every bit as critical, self-absorbed and mercurial as she is. I guess at least I'm way nicer and compassionate than the two of them are, and I should at least be proud of that, but what's that going to get me in the real world? Nothing, that's what.

I just feel like I'll never be good enough, or what everyone wants me to be. I want SO BADLY to be able to give people what they want, but I always fall short of that....and I hate myself for it. That's why I think killing myself is probably the best solution for everybody....my half-sisters deserve a "normal" sister, my father deserves to have a romantic relationship with my stepmother without me around for her to be jealous of, and my stepmother should be free to enjoy her sons and grandchildren without me around to cast a pall over everything that's good and flawless in her world. Killing myself would probably be the one thing I ever did right in my whole life, the one selfless act that would be best for everyone in the long run. They might not feel like it at first, but I feel like it would ultimately benefit them, in the ways I mentioned above.

I'm sorry if that sounds awful to anybody, but I feel as if everything I've said is true.

Heck yes. I have two older sisters and even though I'm in college I still feel like I'm not good enough. My oldest sister (23) was known as "the perfect child" in the family. Perfect grades, perfect behavior, perfect looks, perfect everything. My other sister (19) was known as the sweet and sour child. Rebellious? Yes, but she was a good person beneath her sour exterior. Me, I was always treated as the problem child. It feels like when you live in a small town the perfect expectations go through the roof. I felt like I wasn't allowed to have problems. I was expected to either be "perfect" or "rebellious" not in between. Now that I'm in college I still feel like I have something to live up to and I have already had a meltdown about it. Thankfully no one was around but I know it's not healthy. On one hand I want to make my family proud while I'm here, but on the other I feel like no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough. Does anyone here have ANY advice on what I can do? I'm at the end of my rope.

I'm 52 and I still feel like the failure child among my siblings, in terms of the way all of our lives have turned out. When I saw this thread title I said out loud "Oh totally relate to that."

I was about to post something that a cruel person might attack as a pity-party, so I deleted it. But just to say all my siblings are doing great in life and I am barely hanging on.

Both my siblings do far better than me in life and yea it does make me feel like a failure It also makes me feel like I can't socialise with them anymore as they're so far ahead of me and have their own lives. The only person I feel comfortable talking to now is with my Mother.

I can relate to this both as an individual, and as a parent. I have always felt like a failure, have seen my brother ALSO feel like a failure, and, now, as a parent, I'm very mindful that my oldest son may feel like a "burden" in comparison to his little brother, who has things pretty easy so far, in comparison.

I think it's important to get perspective on what exactly a person is feeling they are failing at... I think a lot of the time it comes down, failing at being "normal" or "easy" (either to yourself, or those around you). And when you think about that intellectually, that's not necessarily a BAD thing (in fact it may be a very good thing, depending on what you want to do with your life), but it certainly doesn't make things fun while you are growing up or if you HAVE to "fit in" in order to navigate your daily life.

I have to remind myself almost daily that the RIGHT path for me (or for my children) isn't necessarily the EASY path.

I also remind myself that most of the people I admire (artists, innovators, etc) probably had really difficult childhoods and drove their parents crazy. What would have happened to these incredible people if the focus had been solely on making them more "normal" or trying to make things easier for their parents & teachers?

One of the nicest things one of my parents ever told me went like this:

Me: I'm probably just cray.
Dad: Well, of course you're crazy. But all the best people are.

I know it's very, very hard to push down those feelings of failure, but it's really important to try. I do think it helps to bend your perspective and try to figure out what it is that YOU want to do, and then set about being successful at THAT, not at whatever your parents or teachers or siblings or anyone else seems to think should define you.

First child is always a test. I had little idea what to do with mine despite words of wisdom from friends and family.

No one teaches parenthood in schools, not about the long term effects of discipline, attitudes or standards, anyway. My second child was a walkover compared to the first. Ask just about any parent - your first child is soooo different to any other. I can only apologise to my firstborn. I can't sub them a therapist as I've used all my money for my own - I'm a firstborn too.

Rather than the failure of the family, which on the usual measures is probably true - I see myself as the black sheep of the family, just different, total opposite motivations etc.

I have a lot of siblings (11). Out of all of them, I would say I am probably the biggest disappointment. The reason is that even though I am not the oldest, I probably had the most expectations piled on me (and still do).

The reason I think that is because I am by far the most intelligent of my siblings, school was easy simply because I could retain information so easily; I never even had to study, I think I only actually studied for 3 tests in high school, and even then I was really just reading the book and learning that information for the first time, as I had not been paying attention in class. I am also the only one at this point who has not gone off to go partying or done anything bad at all. So my parents have always seen me as the child with the most potential, and they think I'm just lazy and that I don't use my abilities to their full extent.

Now that I dropped out of college from failing miserably, they think that I was fully able to succeed and simply didn't try; the worst kind of person in their mind is the one who has the full ability and knowledge to succeed and chooses to not try. I have heard them say that before, and now they think I am that person.

Good question. So, where has my family been? NASA, Raytheon, McDonnell Douglas, a professor at a major university. Me? I'm a custodial engineer (janitor) in an office building.

Do I feel like a failure? Not in the least. Sure, I'm different, but I still feel very lucky at how my life has turned out. I have a wife and children who love and care about me. We have a comfortable home. And, I have an incredible storehouse of knowledge (my interests, of course) that I've had the opportunity to share with people.

And, while most of my family have been very successful in their chosen fields, they are also some serious jerks. I wouldn't trade my life for theirs for a million dollars.