Failure at "being nice"

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Have you found that when you try to copy the behavior of NTs in terms of caring about others and what goes on in their lives, when maybe you really don't care but are simply trying to be "normal" or a better person, that it just doesn't land with the people you direct it at like it does when NTs do it? That has been my experience. Accused on multiple occasions by multiple people of being a "b***h" I have tried on several occasions to show care, concern etc. for people I would consider friends. However, it seems that when I do these things, it gets ignored by the person, but when someone else says basically the same thing to them, they respond with so much gratitude. This leads me to believe that I simply suck at being nice, and maybe being a b***h just works for me and I should stick with it. I must say I am feeling disappointed in the small group of people I considered my friends and am seriously considering not renewing my friendships with them when I move back there next year. They seem like they have evolved into a shallow, selfish bunch of jerks and I wish I could find new friends, but that is simply not an easy feat for me because I mesh with so few people and am so introverted. I really wish I could just be normal sometimes, life seems so much easier that way.

Humans are highly self-critical. Or worried/paranoid.

In my experience, if you say something they don't expect they are likely to think you're insulting them or mocking them.
Then they get mad.

In my experience, we (ASDers) are over critical of our own role in a conversation. NTs usually assume the other person is weird/wrong/bad, we don't.

people notice, but it should also be said that most people ain't that bright and can't tell that the person putting on the act is at least trying to be civil.

ah, the infamous "uncanney valley" syndrome.

The thing is, that much of this kind of thing happens on facebook, where the only communication is written. I don't have much other contact with people besides my husband in the real world because I work online and stay home day after day. So it's just weird that people I thought were my friends appreciate when someone else wishes them a happy birthday for instance, but when I do, it's like "meh"....which makes me wonder why I even bother.

^^^
then again, a lot of people simply lack good manners. the people who don't gracefully handle a compliment/salutation are one example.

When I was little I noticed that NTs joked & teased when they were expressing concern or trying to be nice. At least that's what I was told when I told the teacher they were bullying me. Yet when I tried to copy that to fit in & be nice I got accused of bullying because the way I did it didn't come out rite.

I have gotten people mad at me online and in real life for trying to be nice and being told to mind my own business. But I never turned anyone away when they would show concern for me or ask what is wrong. I just cut back being nice and rather I am a nice person or not is up for the person to decide. Once they know me, they might think of me as a nice person.

I've had people react that way to me, but I always assume it's just that they didn't like me much to begin with - like, they're hanging out with me out of pity or to make it look like they have more friends, but they have so little respect for me my "niceness" means nothing or even is an insult to them. Like, say I complement them: if they think I'm an idiot, a complement from me might make them question themselves. Or interest in their lives might just annoy them.