Social hangovers.

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I forced myself to attend a social event yesterday, which was really difficult for me. Even though most of the people there are nice people, I got very uncomfortable as soon as I got there. It was really loud (16-ish people laughing, talking, shouting + music) and I had to force myself to do things like talk, listen to other people (which was impossible a lot of the time due to all the noise), look at people, look people in the eye, mingling (which I suck at), smile etc the whole night (even my jaw hurt when I got home). I had to go hide in the bathroom several times and I failed at managing to look interested and happy on multiple occasions. Also found out I was the only person who didn't manage to look happy in the group photo we took during the night (awkward). The "invisible wall" between myself and other people was very pronounced and I felt so lonely the whole night. I was, like usual, the observer of the group. The odd one out (no matter if other people noticed or not). Once again it became very apparent (to myself) how being social never really comes naturally to me and that I have to fake a lot and consciously think about all the things most people never have to think about.

When I woke up this morning I woke up with the worst social hangover I've had in a while. Headache, sensitivity to light and noise, exhaustion, depression etc. Today I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to do anything (which sucks because I have to study and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do that when I feel like this plus I've already felt like I'm on the verge of a burnout for weeks). I've been awake for three hours now and I'm just sitting here in my room, wrapped up in a blanket (from head to toe) with the blinds down so not too much light is entering through the windows. Even the light from my computer screen is sort of annoying right now. I'm so tired.

Do you think NTs experience social hangovers like this?

Your description fits my experiences very accurately.

VERY.

There are exceptions where my coping skills are allowed to work, and suddenly I can pass for an NT in such a situation, but they're not controllable or predictable. Most of the time, in a large crowd I am lost, flabbergasted, unable to connect to the same stimula and baseline level of excitement as other people.

And afterwards... it just underlines my "other"-ness. Reminds me that the ceiling is always there.

I've attended close to 30 improv classes this year but the ceiling has shown itself already. Seeing others go into places of self-expression I cannot reach, feeling people distance themselves from me like they did in high school... The ceiling will always will be there no matter what I do, and every time I hit it, it hurts.

As for hangovers... I think NTs may even desire such hangovers, but they need the additional power of alcohol to do it. Alcohol also gives them an excuse to do impulsive things and shrug off the consequences. I find the whole alcohol/drugs thing to be alien. My brain already is overwhelmed with stimula... the last thing I want to do is mess with it even more.

That's a good summary of what it's like for someone with AS to attend a large social gathering. Although you felt so badly the next day do you feel some benefit having attended the party? I'm guessing your NT friends appreciated your attendance. Maybe it becomes a bit easier the next time you attend a party. And once you develop a close circle of friends you may be able to restrict your socialising to smaller gatherings.

My social performance is very uneven and unpredictable. Sometimes I can function so well I hardly think of my AS but other times it's disastrous (like yesterday). Most of the time I'm somewhere in between but one thing's for sure, socializing with never be something that comes as naturally to me as it does to (most) other people.




I drink sometimes (mostly to be able to handle social situations "better") but it happens very rarely.



Well, the only reason I attended the party/dinner was to let the people in my class know (the dinner was for the girls in my class) that I at least want to try to get to know them. I was told multiple times yesterday that they thought it was really nice that I attended, so I guess that's good. I don't feel like I personally benefitted that much from the experience since it just made me sad but I hope that other people liked me being there and that perhaps they might think that "hey, rebbieh's nice, we can talk to her" when we're at university. Because event though I'm introverted and really prefer being by myself, it's never nice feeling left out of a group you spend time with at university almost every day.

This is the benefit you got from going to the party.

If people are telling you multiple times they think it was really nice that you attended, they are noticing that it was not *easy* for you to attend, but they really appreciate that you made the effort to do so.

I think you are right. By attending the party, you are communicating that you care and are someone who is nice and can be talked to. It sounds like you communicated what you wanted to, based on the above comment you received.

There is an economy to social activity. An investment is a cost in hopes of making a good return. The social investment "cost" you some awkwardness and unpleasantness and a social hangover. You are hoping to get a return for that investment, in the form of more or better social relationships with girls in your class. I hope it pays off well for you.

Rebbieh, you describe my experiences exactly. And in the aftermath, I too don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to do anything. If my social stress was really severe and overloaded me very badly, I actually find myself in a depression for a while afterward. I just want to stay at home, be a couch potato, I can't even bother to wash a dish. Heavy socializing, particularly something I didn't really want to attend, with people I barely know and don't feel comfortable with, has this same bad effect on me as it does for you, yes.

Same thing happen to me when i go in this kind of events.
I can force myself to smile, look, chat and act as i think i should to appear friendly but in the end i will be in a state of exhaustion that is barely supportable.
Worst part is when i discover that none of those things that i was trying so hard to do have gone well and in a spontaneous way. At the end i always am, as you said, the observer, the outsider. Not someone who was really "into" what was happening.
That's why i think it's better to be away from this kind of thing whenever i can.

I think some do (both social and sensory), but not as intensely, and they recover from it faster.

I don't think this is as much an ASD/NT dichotomy as it is Introvert/Extrovert, though aspies may be more prone to it.

I don't like not knowing who to approach / not knowing what someone might like to talk about, so I don't like being expected to 'mingle' ~ just because you're walking on the same planet / attending the same college ( / ?) as them doesn't mean you're on the same wavelength, and (unless it's an aspie gathering) it's unlikely that your personal space will go unviolated at such events, and even if the 'background' noise etc doesn't get on your nerves the 'political' climate might ...and enduring all of that for even an hour is exhausting. # I used to rely on the same 'relaxants' that other people use to survive such situations, but my physical health demanded i stop doing that, so, unless i need to go & a reliable human buffer is willing to go with me, I don't even consider it. # If you do go to such a gathering no one should make you feel bad for not 'socializing' ~ i think if they are genuinely nice and are interested in getting to know you they won't resent making the first move ...you just have to hope that the nicest people there aren't 'shy' aspies too!

From what I've observed NT introverts may feel drained or overwhelmed by too much social interaction, but they bounce back from it much more easily. They can usually sleep it off and get on with things. If they take some time to themselves to be alone, they are still basically functional and capable of responding to people. They don't feel completely burned out and exhausted by it the way people here talk about feeling.

The NTs who really suffer from too much social interaction are those who are already drained by stress, or an illness or disability.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/artic ... on-theory/

No. I don't think so. They're not exhausted by constant mental processing of social situations. These things come naturally and intuitively to them. They may be tired or have had enough socializing for the week, but they won't experience the ASD social hangover.

It's been 1 year+ since I've had such a social hangover like that.

I don't agree that the mental processing we go through comes easy to NT's ~ i don't think they process the same things as us, and, becoz they're not expected to process most info very thoroughly, they sometiimes do very little processing. I think they filter out, or switch off to, a hell of alot / are trying to process very little of the info that the world presents them with.
^^^^^ Sometimes that's a healthy thing, but sometimes it's "expediency" ~ it serves their short-term purpose and is not to everyone's long-term advantage.
^^^^^ Some NT's care about society, some don't. The ones who care are more likely to suffer social hangovers / burnout, because in trying to live up to their own standards they come up against at least some of the same hurdles as us. That also means they're better able to recognize the obstacles that we alone face, and to appreciate our perspective, and, ultimately, to appreciate the way our brains work. Those who don't care won't.
^^^^^ Of course, unlike us, even caring NT's might be able to 'bounce back' into an emotionally bankrupt NT environment as if nothing bad had happened, but i doubt they're any happier being there than they were before (/ during) their burnout. 
^^^^^ Basically everyone's struggling to live a 'good' life, but some NT's have the 'ability' to ignore anything which challenges the way they (often unwittingly) devalue other people, so they make life harder ...for everyone. Unfortunately, they have a similar mindset to those who make and enforce both written and un-written laws about behaviour, so they know they can get away with being as inconsiderate as their 'needs' require them to be. That they are in the minority doesn't matter, because they have history and even psychology to hand, to 'prove' that their way is the only one that counts.
^^^^^ I guess if being opportunistic is the same thing as processing social situations intuitively, then you could say some NT's have the knack, but i still don't think we have a harder time processing ~ i think it's the filtering of info, prior to processing, that's difficult; our minds are reluctant to casually discard any of the info the outside world presents to us, and living in a 'society' that expects us to go along with its idea of what is worthy info / unworthy info just makes it harder for us to find the time and head space to carry out any careful filtering that we might otherwise be able to do. That's why our brains get overloaded to the point of frying or closing down. 
^^^^^ The fact that any specialist subjects / filtering choices, that we do manage to make are sometimes called weird or 'conflicting' and used as an excuse to alienate us [even more] doesn't help matters either.
^^^^^ Adapting the way you think so as to blend into a hostile environment might be a good survival tool on a planet run by brainless ogres, but we don't live on such a planet (tho it does feel like that sometimes ...often ...most of the time!) ~ for the sake of humanity i think NT's should take a long "time out" and appreciate their natural ability to immediately choose which stimuli they want to respond to (/ process), and then listen to our well processed ideas on how we can move forward together, so that the 'issue' of whose brain works 'best' can be dropped / can no longer be used to adversely affect our interactions.
^^^^^please excuse any / all generalizations; i do know that we are as capable of being selfish and / or insensitive as any NT, but while our mistakes can adversely affect other people, we are not the ones calling the shots...or have we all been tricked into believing our world leaders sprang from the 'normal' gene pool?!

Actually I have had not as much as the original poster - but I do remember in college feeling exhausted from a party, and to this day I need some alone time after a family party.

All the same I have managed to annoy people.