What is / was your self-confidence like?

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For as long as I can remember, even from ages 4 to 6, I remember just naturally feeling out of place, like I wasn't worth as much as other people. I find it fascinating how other people are just naturally well liked, or naturally confident, and even as young as I can remember, I had always assumed I wasn't one of those people. I don't think it came from anything experience-related, but it might have been genetic or something. I don't know if it's an aspie trait, or if it's just me. Does anyone else feel naturally inferior?

Last edited by MadHatterMatador on 25 Oct 2014, 10:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

I've always felt like that, too. I agree with you it doesn't seem to come from experience although I think (bad) experience can make it worse. I think some people can pick up your feeling "inferior" and they treat you in that way, which seems to confirm your feeling.

I only recently (last two years since becoming aware of my autism) started to try to shake off that feeling because I know in my head that that feeling is wrong. I think I'm making a slow progress.

I interpret self-confidence as faith in one's ability to face what life brings, secure in the overall belief that you have the skills and knowledge to cope with all the usual things that happen in life.

A lot of this develops with age and experience. I lacked self-confidence to a lesser or greater extent (depending on circumstances until I was middle-aged. By then it was clear that whatever life threw at me, I could find ways and means to cope. And some really bad things happened.. not the least of them that my beloved broke his neck and was paralysed from the neck down.

Do you know the old saying that "steel is tempered in the fire?" A life without risk or adversity is a life that offers few opportunities for growth.

Do I think that lack of confidence is an ASD thing? From what I read on WP it seems to be. But I would say that it is probably an acquired
trait - from being treated like a misfit in childhood and adolescence - rather than something innate to autism.

I always felt out of place, but I didn't think it meant I was any worse (or better) than anyone else, just different.

I felt the same you did too and still do, also I always think that I'm not welcomed wherever I go and that I'll never be one of those people who get liked so easily and who are very popular, I feel people dislike me and look down upon me and that I'm never people's first option, I'm never favored by anyone over someone else.

I define self confidence in my belief in my abilities to get positive results. It has been really bad most of my life. Of course this became a self fulfilling prophecy Age and diagnosis has helped a lot but my self confidence is still is far from good.

^This is how I look at it too. For me it comes and goes. If I feel like I'm not functioning very well or getting much accomplished my confidence starts to go down.

Mines is pretty terrible

I've been told that i have no confidence and need to build it up. Hard to do when i've been "burned" my whole life.

If I'm in a situation where I'm just standing around not knowing what to do while everyone else is getting things done and I just can't make myself useful, it makes me feel less worthy. I feel much better about myself when I can be productive.

I've also felt inferior from being mistreated by others, but I don't feel that way as much as I use to. It still upsets me, but they usually don't seem to have any good reason to treat me this way in the first place.

Feeling inferior when other people mistreat you is only one possible response to mistreatment. There isn't a direct causal relationship between the two events. There are other responses. For example, instead of feeling inferior, you could get angry. You could tell them that their behaviour is unacceptable. Or you could conclude that they are ignorant, foolish, boorish people. You don't have to internalise their crap. There really are choices that you can explore and learn to exercise.

This is what I think Eleanor Roosevelt meant in her famous statement: "no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent".

Yeah I feel like that a lot, in fact it really surprises me when I find out someone actually enjoys my company...or that they aren't super mad at me for screwing up if I screw up somehow. Like maybe I get to drunk and make an ass out of myself and so I will be thinking 'oh no, no one will ever talk to me again and I deserve it bla bla bla' and then that isn't even what happens but its with like any mistake I make I feel I've committed some terrible crime and can never forgive myself when it doesn't even seem to be that big a deal to other people. Also even though I am not really big on social norms but I still concern myself a lot with other people and what they think of me and it can make me really nervous so I might sort of try to over-compensate by sharing more than I am able like with cigarettes or getting people a soda or something I mean I think its a nice thing to do but I know I end up doing that too much even when I can't afford it.

Hmm, well I've tried getting angry in past situations, tried calmly telling people to stop....even tried concluding all that. But it still got internalized if I had a choice for any of the above to have worked then I think I would have made that choice long ago before it helped screw up my mental health. What I really should have done was just dropped out of school and did my own thing, just don't think my parents would have let me.

Anyways I think it is quite possible for one to make someone feel inferior without their consent, happens a lot in situations involving harassment and or abuse actually, you should read up on it.

I meant, I usually don't feel inferior now like I use to because when I think about it, it doesn't seem like they have any good reason to treat me this way and I usually just get frustrated instead.

I noticed that all my life but I physical disabilities in addition to Aspergers

It's gotten better over the years. It used to be absolutely terrible. I can still get quite nervous and fumbly under pressure - even break into a sweat. But, following the principle that sometimes we just have to face our fears - It's a lot better and a lot less debilitating than it used to be. It helps that I try to avoid people and situations who are intolerant of even a little bit of under-confidence. It helps that I found a place to work and live that is relatively tolerant and less stressful.