Being Ignored

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This afternoon, I was at the hospital visiting my Mum along with my sister and her husband. A doctor came in to tell us about the EPS they'll be doing on Mum tomorrow and the whole time, the doctor was looking at Mum, my suster and her husband but never at me. I even tried to ask a question and was basically ignored until I kind of got sick of being talked over and talked over top of her to ask my question (just like she kept talking over me every time I went to ask a question).

This isn't the first time this exact same situation has happened to me. I could understand it if I was a young kid or something but I'm 47. What is it about me? I think NTs can see invisible tattoos on us Aspies' foreheads and and mine says "Ignore Him" or "He's Stupid" - which I'm far from. I've just got some issues.

Can anyone relate to this, and if so, have you found a way to change things? I'm sick of being ignored and passed over.

Yes, I can relate to that. I can understand exactly what you mean. It happens to me a lot.

The people that know me already seem to find it uncomfortable to interact with me and hence choose to talk to the others. Some seem to think I'm not confident enough to be worth speaking to although they know I'm not stupid (the social hierarchy/pride doesn't allow them to speak to a person at the bottom). Some simply interpret my not being very confident as being stupid, which indicates that they are pretty stupid.

Those that don't know me do the same things. Although they don't really know me, they find me uncomfortable somehow, sense I'm at the bottom of the social hierarchy or simply assume I'm stupid.

I believe that's what's happening when people ignore me. And I believe that's what's happening to you, too. It's not really your fault. Unfortunately, I can't offer you any way to change that as I'm still having the same problem.

I've had this all my life all the time too. It pisses me off. I'm 52 and still get ignored in a similar situation, while other people are the ones being looked at and spoken to.

I also feel invisible in a slightly different scenario but with that same feeling of it's like I don't exist -- in a store. I can be standing in front of a shelf looking at items, and suddenly another person just stands completely in my space, I mean practically up against me, and/or reaches around me without even an acknowledgement of my existence like ""Sorry" or "Excuse me while I get this". Nobody even looks at me, speaks to me, asks me to move or apologizes for moving into my space. It's like I don't matter or don't exist or I'm a ghost and they are practically trying to step into the bit of air I'm in fact occupying! I don't get what's happening there. It's a constant in my life.

That's very sad. Strange I say that to you because, as you know, it happens to me too. I don't know why that is.
what is it? The same doesn't happen to other people. That's an observation.

Whenever I try to talk to my family about how I was left out, they're like "Oh you poor baby. You're imagining things!" but I wish I'd put my phone on video record and they'd see she paid no attention to me. Then they'd see what I saw!

It happens to me too and drives me insane. Being louder doesn't even work and other people even notice that I get ignored, so it's not just my imagination.

I keep wondering if there's some sort of signal that NTs give off that alert others to their presence? Like maybe pheromones or something. I don't know, there just has to be something that makes us fall off their radar...

Probably the right kind of eye contact and social cues.

SPOT ON - only I imagined we must have it written on our foreheads. Whatever/however they know, they seem to know simply by walking into the room - they seem to be able to spot us straight off!

I give up. In fact, I gave up long ago.

No! She didn't even turn her head my way from the start. I was on the right of her (and her son). She never even looked my way. She even called my brother-in-law her son - which he's not. I am, and she never looked at me once.

I once had someone tell me, "You're the sort of person who can walk into somewhere and they would never notice."

HUMANS SUCK!! !! and I'm 47 but I discovered that long ago. I want to go home (wherever that is)! !

Yeah, pretty much a lifetime of being ignored. As a child I used to think that everyone, except me of course, was connected telepathically. Since I wasn't then they could not actually 'see' me there.

Thank you so much for relating this. The same thing happens to me all the time too! I hate it. Like you said, no apology or "Pardon me" or anything

One time the same woman did the same thing twice to me in the same aisle. I thought maybe because she was very well dressed, fancy earrings, heeled boots that clicked when she walked, etc. and I happened to be not feeling well that day and was a bit slobby - I wear nice jeans but my hair was messy (POTS gives me issues with having my arms above my head) that maybe she thought she was better than me and could shove her arms across my body space and I wouldn't mind??

Once is one thing. I moved down the aisle and 30 seconds later she did the same thing. I couldn't help it, I blurted out (to myself) "Am I invisible?" really loud as I turned away from her.

Another time a woman stood very close beside me in a store and began reaching right in front of me as I looked for my item, no apology. I happened to already have a runny nose from walking in the cold, so I played it up and started sniffling loud and coughing like I was sick; I made it sound like I was hacking up a lung. She moved out of my way - being in a hurry to get your item isn't worth standing near a sickie, is it?

Honestly, what is it about us that causes people to act this way with us? They don't even know us. It must be something in our faces?? Our posture??

It can't be *just* an eye contact thing - if you're in a store looking at items, and someone else is looking at items, there is no need for eye contact anyway! Just stand patiently and politely and wait for the person who was there first to get their item, then move into the space. I do it all the time. Not rocket science. PEOPLE

Last edited by little_blue_jay on 19 Oct 2014, 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What an awful thing to say to someone.

Yeah, I think it goes with the territory. People working with me on group projects used to get mad because we would lose points for dumb stuff, and I would refuse to contest it because the teacher was right. "So you knew that?!" "Um, yeah, kind of." "How come you didn't tell us?!" "Um, I tried." Over and over and over.

"Excuse me." "Excuse me." "Excuse me." Never mind, I'll get it myself.

The experts crack me up. They say autistics don't like to ask for help, but they never stop to wonder WHY. How many times can you be ignored, or have it blow up in your face, before you learn that asking for help is futile at best and downright dangerous at worst??

Nah, I didn't care about them anyway. But yeah (tear), it does hurt being someone who gets looked straight through like as if they were made of glass. Nobody ever notices me.

Mind you, I don't want to be noticed but at the same time, I do. It's kind of hard to explain.

Let me try to explain it like this:
I want to be wanted without actually being had. Make sense?

little blue jay -- yes, that exact scenario! What IS that? It's so weird. It happens to me in the shops all the time. More than once I have actually said those same words: "Am I invisible??" I spend most of my time in a store obsessed with this. I will never get what's going on with this.

I hear you about sometimes being dressed a bit sloppy and maybe someone feels superior; but it's happened to me even if I managed to look smart, though, too! It's just weird.

Yes, in general humans suck big time, but there are exceptions.

I feel at home in the ocean, and love all the creatures that inhabit the sea. Animals have an autistic kind of curiosity about their environment. To feel alive I need to get out on the water at least twice a week. Last week I was windsurfing and when I fell in after a little jump I noticed I was surrounded by a group of curious dolphins, who were inspecting the strange four armed creature and the windsurfer that were floating in the water. When the sail pulled me out of the water again, the dolphins raced along under the board for a couple of minutes, and I am sure all of us had a great time.

Similarly snorkelling or SCUBA diving can make me forget everything about the human world. I've had unforgettable experiences with octopuses, sting rays of various kinds, seals, and other creatures.

On land humans have modified the natural environment beyond recognition. In and on the water, human behaviour adapts to the natural environment rather than the other way around. These two short videos probably illustrate this better than words ever could:
http://youtu.be/TqOqCVWWM2A
http://youtu.be/kWYHoxkwYaE

loved that youtube clip (wish i could ride waves like that!) and am very sure dolphins would be impressed / think it fun, too!!

i also think birds are awesome ~ i know it's detracting from the OP, but here's one of my fave youtube clips of their amazing aerodynamic antics:
http://youtu.be/M1Q-EbX6dso