why do people assume we're being disrespectful?

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why do people assume we're being disrespectful if we break an unwritten rule? Don't nuerotypicals ever break rules unknowingly? And how are you supposed to know how your coming off to other people if they don't tell you until its too late?

I guess it's because the rule is often about showing respect.
Also, an NT is likely to receive social signals to back off before their gaffe becomes obvious to everyone.

I think they expect you to read the signals most people do, and they often assume that your intention relates to the way they feel. So if they feel disrespected then they assume you meant disrespect. It's kind of like how people will say, "It's so miserable outside," when they don't like the weather, instead of saying, "The weather makes me feel miserable." They see what you're doing and, because they would do it out of disrespect, they assume you mean disrespect.

Neurotypicals are generally better at reading signals and understanding social cues, unwritten rules and things that are only implied in conversation. People my whole life have assumed i'm being rude because I don't talk much or don't show any feelings via facial expressions, i've had to learn to do this so now even if I can't get any words out at a social event I smile a lot and show that i'm paying attention and that I appreciate being there so that people won't see me as rude. You can always learn these things with practice but until you do people often view you as rude or disrespectful,unfortunately.
I still struggle with understanding things people don't say but only imply though, often someone will tell me that "he or she meant this by that!" and I will be like "what..? How do you know that?" and then maybe that person saw me as disrespectful or rude for not reacting on what they so clearly implied and they will assume that I ignored what they meant instead. Yet I consider myself to be quite good at reading signals but I often realize I have a lot to learn still...

This.

NTs do NOT break unspoken social rules with the same frequency that autistics do for the obvious reason that...they are NT and not autistic (that's one of the defining things that seperates ASD from NTs) . And when NTs DO break those rules it may often be on purpose ( ie to BE disrespectful). Since strangers don't know that you're ASD they will assume that you too are breaking the rules on purpose.

If there's one thing I can't stand---it's when somebody demands I do something without saying "please," or "thank you," or some such term.

Not saying some sort of term like "if you don't mind" makes most people believe they are being bossed around, and the asker wants to be their boss in some way.

You MAY have gotten mixed up about which thread you were posting in.

Your post fits perfectly into the thread entitled "Something I hate" (right next door to this thread right now).

Though it does also kinda fit into this topic too.

kraftiekortie,

One question I loathe is, "By any chance, can you/do you have...?" It implies to me that I'm too stupid to get somebody's request right. As harsh as a direct order may sound to some, I actually prefer it to the manipulative phrases and questions some people use.

How do you feel about "Would you mind doing x for me"

It drives me nuts if somebody says "Do this for me!" It reminds me of being a kid, and having to take orders from people.

But I understand what you mean. A relatively direct approach is best.

I just witnessed a conversation, at the library, between two people. It lasted ten minutes; it could have lasted a couple of seconds LOL

What are you talking about?

If someone says something like "I don't suppose you would have an X on your person that you could lend me for a moment?" what they are saying is "I realized that is highly unlikely that you would be carrying around an X with you at all times, BUT if you happened to have an X could you let me barrow it for a second?". They are apologizing to you for making an odd request.

It doesn't have anything to do with implying that you don't "understand" the request.

In fact if a person thought you were "understanding impaired" they would do the opposite, and would be blunt and to the point and simply bark the order at you instead of constructing a complicated sentence.

I notice I tend to get defensive if someone does point it out because I am then offended someone made an ASSumption about me or thought wrong of me. Maybe this is why?

It aint rocket science.

If you mess up in a social situation in which most folks know better then the other folks have no choice but to conclude that you are either (a)an assbleep,and (b) that you're an idiot. In other words: you did it on purpose to be disrespectful, or that you didn't know any better when you should have known better.

"disrespectful" is a trump card

A vague , broad word that automatically makes the accuser morally correct and superior

Precious lil "people" have the nerve to claim that every slightest thing they do not like, is "disrespect"


inarticulate

precision of language

Most likely, it is because you do nothing to clear up the confusion and leave them guessing.

What works for me is to show respect verbally in clear language. Simple as that.

GODAMN IT....its too late to edit. Made a typo that distorted my meaning.

I meant "A...OR....B", not "A and B".

Well...if he is aware enough to know that he made a mistake at the time of the mistake, then....yes...he should apologize and explain. But apparently he is never aware of the mistake in real time, and only learns of it days later. And he is frustrated that folks don't inform him that he made the mistake in real time, and that they always jumped to the conclusion that he did the mistake on purpose to be disrespectful.