How good are you at taking other peoples advice?
My partner and I have been hashing this out for some time, she says I'm always hesitant to outright obstinate when it come to taking advice from others, especially from her.
I'm not so sure, I know I'm stubborn and like to do things my way, but I lack perspective on this.
Another, deeper point is being influenced by others. Are you influenced by others and do you find overall that it is good influence or bad? I know I've been prone to manipulation, and sometimes being taken advantage of, so I am wary of the influence others might have over me.
Yet there are still times when I have let people lead me down the wrong path.
I tend to think that advice, influence, manipulation and coercion are part of a continuum and that it is hard for me to distinguish between them when it is happening. Depends on the level of trust I have with the person and how comfortable I am with what it is I'm asking for help with.
I tend to close up because I'm not sure what it is that another person is offering or whether it will help or hinder me. This might be where it seems I'm being hesitant or refusing the help.
It seems this is a trust issue.
Same for me. When I saw your thread title, my first thought was...is taking advice from people supposed to be something you're good at??! I've had mostly bad experiences with it.
Sometimes have felt like I was too easily influenced or manipulated by other people. Other times, there was no manipulation per se, it was just the wrong advice.
I don't think it's a trust issue. You can trust someone, know that they have your best interests at heart, and still recognize that their advice may not be right for you.
I have a friend who I have asked to advise me if and when my negative characteristics show up. He usually just says something like "a little too Aspie...." That is when I relax and smile.
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When I was younger (18) I hit that stage where everyone was dumber than me and I knew better than everybody else. Thanks to the world knocking me down a few times, I learned that older adults oftentimes know better than I do, and many times I heed their advice. Weird thing is that when I ask for advice now (25), most people won't tell me what they genuinely think I should do-- they only tell me that I should do what I think is best. Not sure why... I mean, if I come to you and ask for your advice-- what YOU think I should do, one would understand that I want their opinion-- not my own, but whatever.
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Not very good, I admit I tend to take things more personally than I should a lot of times....so sometimes certain 'advice' is hard to hear or even some criticism that when I think about a bit later I actually see the person did have a good point, and I didn't need to be so defensive about it. I really do kind of hate it, and i know it bothers other people because then they feel bad about what they said, because of my reaction even if what they said was valid.......so then it seems to cause a bit of resentment towards me and people sometimes think I am trying to like act sad or more upset than I am but I know its just me having a more extreme reaction than I'd like to.
I guess sometimes people also think I just don't want to believe I'd do anything wrong, but I its more I am concerned more often than I should be that I am always doing things wrong so its just like if someone confronts me on something it adds more to the pile....its not that I am offended they thought me of all people would do something wrong I am more pissed at myself over thinking 'great look what I've done now...on top of all that other stuff I fail at.'
That said I do my best to take useful advice/input and put it to use, but the initial receiving of it can be a little rough I'd say....even more confusing if there is bad advice or advice that doesn't apply to me thrown in, that can make the whole thing seem too overwhelming so I might have a hard time taking any of it in.
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We won't go back.
You raise an important point about reaction, and that is a sticking point for me, because reaction appears to be an indicator of attitude, or even of hardened personality traits from an NT perspective.
I forgot about criticism as part of this continuum. Maybe that is the part that closes the loop, so to speak. There is constructive criticism and criticizing.
And that made me realize that there is a difference between seeking help vs. offered help.
So that is another question, are you any good at seeking help. I'm not very good at all with seeking help, I can flounder around for a long time, when the answer to my problem is right there inside someone else's head, ( their knowledge, experience, perspective) but my blocks keep me from asking.
Thanks, this is helpful.
Last edited by grbiker on 31 Oct 2014, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
When I saw your thread title, my first thought was...is taking advice from people supposed to be something you're good at??!
Yeah, that is part of my confusion with it. I thought people have there thoughts, opinions, and ways of doing things, some are more effective than others, situations are different, etc. etc. And the receiver takes it in and sees if it is useful, helpful, relevant, or hogwash.
And your response helped me to understand that when people give advice, they might have an interest in the outcome, whether being directly affected by it, or just wanting to appear right.
I had enough it with advice. Most of it are too vague (sometimes they don't even pay attention. sometimes as if they already knew what is, when they don't); if not wrong so it barely helps. The ways are quite unclear to me. And if I do it the way they do so, it's likely they backfire. So... No.
I ask more questions instead of advice. Afterwards, I ask other people the same questions as well just to be sure enough. Simply weigh the pros and cons, do things myself, and stay out of dramas.
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