How to get over a special interest with a person.

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I currently have a deep obsession with a female friend of mine. We went out a couple times and it got to the point where I realized she wasn't that into me(they never are ). But I still think about ALL the time. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just think about her, her interests, her family, her life and what I could have done better. I feel like there's an alternate universe out there somewhere where we're in a happy relationship because I'm not such an idiot. It's been almost two months now, and I don't want to obsess over her anymore, but I can't stop thinking about her. Is it possible she became my new special interest? I've heard of aspies doing that and it having bad repercussions. How do I stop this?


Was it right to post this here or in the love and dating section? I'm not sure..

I have a similar problem, and I need help with this too. I am a female myself, and I am straight (I have a boyfriend), but I've been obsessed with this old woman in her 60's for a couple of years or more. She has everything; socially skilled, pretty, trendy, people always talking to her and most men after her, and at the same time she is more unique than anyone I have ever met. I used to think she was on the spectrum because there are some strange ways about her that I can relate to, but she seems to be too socially skilled to be on the spectrum. I don't know how she does it. She seems to have more people fussing over her than popular, friendly, chatty, extroverted people that I know. So I've always been a bit jealous of this woman, and I think it has made me become obsessed with her, like in a competitive way. I just want to be her. I had an argument with her a few weeks ago and we haven't been talking since, and I really don't like her. But, whenever I see her, I still want her to notice me, even though I hate her and don't want to see her. So there's still some part of me that is still obsessed. I really can't help myself. I kept on talking about her nonstop to my boyfriend, and last night he asked why I'm so fascinated about this woman and that he does not want to keep hearing about her. I didn't know what to say to that. I just wish she would move away where I don't have to see her any more. Then I can get her out of my head. I regret all the times I have spoken to her, and all the times I have tried to get her attention when we're not speaking, and I just feel an idiot. I wish I never got involved with her in the beginning. I want to prove that I am not obsessed with her at all any more, but then if I try to prove it, it might look like I'm still holding on to the obsession and still somehow getting her attention. I just don't know what is wrong with me. I am ruining my life with this obsession with this stupid woman.

this happened to me in high school. it lasted for three years, maybe four. i'm not sure if i just liked him THAT much, or it was a combination of liking him and wanting to be him (because he was so friendly and liked by everyone and intelligent and funny). all in all it was very embarrassing, it was like i couldn't stop embarrassing myself. poor guy. probably weirded him out. for me it just took time, and also the fact that we graduated so he wasn't around me all the time at school and my obsession very slowly faded. even a year after high school i was still kind of obsessed and we even hung out once (i rarely hang out with people, that was a very big deal) and then after embarassing myself one last time it finally started to fade.

so maybe it will just take time. lots of time. or i wonder if you try to find a new special interest if that could help?

I'm not qualified to say, but to me
it sounds like obsessive thinking, which is basically the driving force
behind the formation of "special interests".
I think most of us have it.
We can focus on things intensely or for long periods.
If not on these certain people, then it would likely be on something else.
It just happens.

I think it possible for a certain focus to become exhausted at some point, or replaced by another focus. In many special interests it is common to lose a feeling of challenge at one level and move up to a more challenging level.

I've had this happen several times. Usually they go away in a while, especially if there is no contact. Getting into a real relationship helps. But I did have one long term "person of special interest" that caused me a great deal of difficulty over years. It didn't help that she felt the same for me, though we were both involved with other people throughout. No contact did not necessarily work in this case, directly dealing with it as a problem did.

As Olympiadis states, obsessive thinking plays a big role in it.

I remember being quite obsessed with another boy when I was in 7th grade (in middle school). I am not quite certain what it was about him. But, I deeply admired this kid and wanted to become like him.

I tried to get him to befriend me by becoming interested in his interests. I figured it was skateboarding, as he rode a skateboard to and from school. I, myself, could not skateboard (as I was not sufficiently coordinated). Nevertheless, I would go down to the skateboard shop by myself regularly. I even purchased skateboarding magazines, hoping to share them with this boy.

This obsession cooled off immediately one day, when he punched me in the stomach. I cannot remember exactly why he punched me. But, I finally got the message that he didn?t want to be my friend. So, I guess I can read some non verbal language. LOL.