Hello wrongplanet! Starting treatment next week

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Hi I'm Alevai, new to wrongplanet. I am shocked to see there are so many of us.. I feel like the ugly duckling just realizing that I'm not ugly... I'm just a different kind of animal. You guys are awesome. all of you. everyone included.

I apologize if this is long, but here we go

Can't help for the past few months to feel really unloved in general. I've lived completely alone (no dating) for the past 3 years and the few people I had in my life (both online and off) have been talking to me less and less.. responding a lot less to msgs/txts... I think it's because I feel so depressed all the time that half of the stuff I say is down and depressing and nobody wants to hear that crap anymore. The only woman friend I had told me on FB that she gets really annoyed by people who mope/whine/put themselves down and stopped talking to me as well.

Funny thing is one of the people who STILL talks to me is my ex... the woman who lied to me, cheated on me, and broke up with me after 5yrs of dating for some old guy... she's been boyfriend-hopping for the past few years and I recently realized that she never really cared about me, that's why she doesn't seem to care if i'm a mess or not

I've been smoking weed every day of my life since I was 19 years old (i'm 32 now). It has bad side effects like reducing motivation and isolating you further in some ways, but it has also helped me cope when SSRI's did not, and it has helped me stay functional in a lonely-but-effective way. I don't know that I could get out of bed every morning and follow the same daily boring work routine if I didn't have that. I work full time for a small wage but i manage to rent my own apartment. It's in a bad neighborhood but it's somewhere to put my head down and browse the web... home is where the wifi connects automatically.

I recently got some med insurance through my work and got my first general doctor apointment in 6 years. The lady wanted to take like 3 vials of blood and I said no way... I get light headed and sometimes pass out when I have nurses take my blood.. I don't know why, when I accidentally cut myself (I'm a carpenter, it happens) I can lose quite a lot of blood and be just fine.. must be a mental thing.

anyway, I got a reference for a psychologist in the area. I am going next week to see if I can get some therapy/meds to get off the weed and start getting my life together. I've tried this before some 8 years ago and it did not help... the psych seemed to know less about asperger's than I did, and she only diagnosed me with chronic depression... 3 years of SSRI and no therapy (no medical insurance) tired me out and I just gave up on taking the meds. the withdrawal was hell.. those were the worst feelings i ever had in my life so far.

I will post an update to share my experiences. Good luck to everyone!

Welcome aboard!! !

What part of PA are you in?? If you're anywhere near Pittsburgh, maybe we can be friends.

If you can do it and be functional and the cotton-head doesn't rob you of the ability to live life, I see nothing wrong with smoking weed. I hope it gets legalized for medical purposes (I hear it's on the ballot); it sure helped me unwind back in the day and it can't be any worse than benzodiazepines. I'm grateful that I haven't needed it for over 10 years now-- I LIKE being clean and not waking up every morning with a headful of wet cotton fluff-- but using it isn't a sin.

I don't know what to tell you to do about the depression. I have to live with it too. I guess the best remedy I've found is to get up, go on, and ignore all the people calling me stupid, evil, ret*d, and bad. Easier said than done, right??

Hi, Alevai----welcome!!

Two things...

I'm thinking, if you don't already do so, that you should smoke BEFORE you shower and dress, for work, in the morning----IF you smoke in the morning, that is. That stuff really leaves a bad smell on your clothes, and the boss will smell it, and it might cost you, your job.

The other thing, is: If you LOOK at the place on your arm that they're drawing the blood from, and the vial that your blood's going into, that's what's making you feel faint----I react the same way----'course, I can't EVER look at MY blood (anyone else's is okay). Just don't watch, and you'll be fine!!

Again, WELCOME!! ! I hope you find everything you need, here.

Hello there and welcome.