i did not know what hypergraphia was until this thread. you sound like you are having a f*****g terrible time. i don't understand but i'm sorry you have to go through this. have you ever talked to a therapist or anything about your abuse? sounds like lots of bad things have happened to you. maybe your obsessive writing is a form of coping? though it does not sound like you enjoy it at all. also, you don't sound like a narcissist.
i know many people don't like medication, but it really can help. if you are paranoid though, i won't try pot like the other poster suggested. it always makes my brain way worse. also because you abuse other drugs. i understand why you do it though, i do it too. (not stimulants though)