Can you tell if someone's getting gradually angry?

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I don't mean, instant full-blown-scream-in-your-face-angry, but rather when they're exhibiting subtle signs of anger boiling up, and then you unwittingly push them too far by asking one silly question too many, or whatever Aspie-like manifestations that "trigger" hostility in NTs... I must say that this has happened to me on occasion, but not recently, and in hindsight I noticed the person kind of had their head down, hunched shoulders and tightness, etc, which I should have picked up on and left them alone, not continuing to speak to them. Or, as was also the case, where I unwittingly upset someone in the recent past (almost always female!!) and I would go about talking to her about some other unrelated matter, not noticing she was upset b/c it didn't seem logical that my current thread of discussion would be upsetting, when I should have realized that I said or did something inappropriate or upsetting a day or two before. And then comes the "blowing up".


For those of you who've read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night", the protagonist Christopher Boone who has Aspergers, is confronted angrily by his father, but he doesn't pick up on the subtle signs of anger from his father that his son has improperly intruded into aspects of his private life that he wanted kept private, so then his dad loses it with Christopher.

I have had a lot of opportunities to practice "watching the kettle boil" with one person in particular. From this I am able to sense when things are tensing up and heading towards anger. At least with one person.

Other than my dad, and he's been dead for years, I haven't had too many people get mad at me on a regular basis. He didn't get mad gradually, it was an explosion. Not sure I'd be able to pick up on cues from others so well.

Ask the guy I used to live with. He, one of my roommates and myself were going to play billiards a couple of months ago. Since i don't drink, or smoke pot, I ended up being the designated driver. My roommate was so fsck end up and was insisting he wanted to drive me car. He was so drunk and high he couldn't see the red streak going up my neck. The other guy said turn it around and take me back to his house, since my roommate was acting like a jackass. I dropped the other guy off and started back up the road for home. By that time, my roommate was really pushing my buttons. I stopped my car and ordered him out. Since we were in the Maryland Line area, I was going to make him walk the 30 miles back to the townhouse.

To this day he does nothing but piss me off. He recently started bitching about the empty plastic grocery bags that have been lying around. Excuse me, but I don't see you helping to clean up around the place. Besides, I will be using them to bag the trash you convienently leave sit on the edge of the kitchen counter by the trash can.

I'd like to move, or get rid of this guy, but I can't find anyplace else for the price I'm paying for rent, except the local housing authority, and their units are worse than where I'm currently living, as well as a long waiting list for housing.

Most of the time I can. I think I'm even hypersensitive to it. The problem is I often don't know how to make them feel better. I often notice that people don't pay attention to what I say, get annoyed at me and want me to do stuff for them. I just find it hard to respond to those cues.

Only if their face starts turning red and I happen notice that.

I am continuously failing in this regard.

If it is not too subtle.

I'm not very good at it.

Therefore I tend to assume that, if people aren't smiling and laughing and I don't know of another reason, unrelated to me, why they might be tired or unhappy, I just assume that they're getting angry with me and work hard to pacify them and/or make myself scarce.

I've found it's far easier to make oneself scarce than to pacify them.

In the past Ive confused subtle signs of anger with physical pain, eg bloating discomfort etc. I don't know anymore, I can but its not consistent and depends on the situation.

If they ignore me, start sighing, changing their tone, I think they are getting angry with me and I leave them alone.

Online, I cannot tell at all so everything is always abrupt and doing a 180 on me.