Hi gang, I am here to ask about some questions on how to reassure NTs in your life. Maybe that's not really a good way to put it... Now I am around 30 years of age and *not* NT-passing. I have my work, home and relationship situation settled in terms of getting an apartment and having a career, increasing my net worth and so I'm taking care of my hobby situation.
So right now I'm a few weeks deep into the onboarding process of joining a new band. I am actually joining 2 rock bands with the same nucleus of characters, people I met briefly through a book group. Right now I am learning a pretty large back catalog so I'm pretty focused. I have not played in non-cover rock bands before so this is new for me. I am playing keyboard. Right now we're trying to convert from the traditional to symphonic metal genre, hence the addition of a keyboard player.
Now everyone else is cool with me and I am out about my condition. but there is one guy who plays in one of the bands who seems a bit wigged out. first of all he prefers to call rather than text and phone calls wig me out so I sound nervous over the phone. also, i have trouble understanding his accent since he has a foreign accent mixed with... I don't know how to describe it, it's like a regional accent. he said it was weird that I show up really early (I take the bus that comes hourly, other people drive cars) and that this is a band not a job, and that I come off as "tense".
Now I don't know how I 'come off' as you guys probably know. I told him, hey, I have autism this is the way I am. Sometimes I'm also surprised that someone in the extreme metal scene has never met aspies. The other band mates are fellow geeks and ok with social awkwardness. (I think. They could just be avoiding the discussion.)
Secondly, my boyfriend has a weird attitude. I have been dating the same boy for 10 years and we live together, the reason we avoid marriage is because I don't want to force him to itemize his tax return. (Finance and tax planning is a special interest for me) My boyfriend isn't on the autism spectrum, but he isn't exactly NT either. He is weird with the fact that I have male friends and the other people in my band are male. I don't understand why it matters whether you are a boy or a girl. It's not like I want to date anyone else.
First of all: 1. is this an issue that will resolve itself with time, or will it probably grow until I get a "bad reputation" as a "hard to work with" person? 2. will hammering it home that "I have autism, this is how I am, i need extra extra help" help to solve anything and 3. is there a weird dynamic in being a woman in a male group that I should be aware of. 4. Any good advice for stuff like playing in rock bands I need to know about?
Thanks in advance.
26 Feb 2015, 11:28 pm
