Fascination with things you are afraid of?

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Does anyone here get obsessed with things that they have phobias of?
And is it possibly related to Aspergers Syndrome?

I have had phobias of both fire and elevators for most of my life.

The example I will use here is both my fascination and deep fear of elevators.

On the one hand, I am terrified of being in elevators. When I use them, I need to feel that I have complete control (eg. over the buttons, be the first to get off), do everything a specific way (eg. timing of pressing buttons with closing doors), allow no one to interfere (eg. I will close the doors to stop people from entering at the last minute, I get angry or upset if someone suddenly changes a level while the elevator is travelling), watch precisely how the elevator functions (eg. watch intently the lights, movement, speed, opening and closing of doors), and instantly panic when there is a slight change or something I dislike (eg. automated voice, slowing down too much when it reaches the level I want), etc. I only feel safer in other people's company. But still not safe.
I do experience claustrophobia, have had mild/moderate panic attacks, and have catastrophic thinking (eg. that I am going to die, and need to do things to stop myself from dying).
It has been linked with OCD-like behaviour too.

However, on the other hand, I am also obsessed with them. I want to understand how they function mostly but also their history. I read and watch videos to gain information. But I also have some rather morbid fascinations. For instance, I obsessively seek out stories and videos about elevator malfunctions, people getting trapped, people getting injured (or dying), etc.
I can do this for hours. It has triggered panic, anxiety and OCD-like behaviour (eg. I have to walk up the stairs at home a certain way, step onto something with my right foot first even if it is just a floor tile, all unrelated to elevators ).

Other examples include: fascinations with fire, destruction, etc.
I have even felt urges to run up to elevators, press all the buttons and jump out again, or simply going up to elevators and pressing the buttons on the outside.
I also enjoy watching fire (eg. Fire pit) and making it larger.

What are your thoughts or experiences?

Last edited by PhoenixRising on 06 Nov 2014, 2:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.

It is particularly a serious problem right now.

I intend to address it with my psychologist tomorrow but I feel like she doesn't understand the extent to which I feel 'addicted'.

apiphobia [fear of bees] would be the dominant one. also fearful of the dark. scared of boogeymen that might jump out from a tree or slither out from under my bed and mess with me.

I'm a little weary of elevators. This is due to a bad experience I had as a little girl. We were in Toronto, I think and they have one of those glass elevators where you can look out. Well, I was more focused on staring out the window that I didn't know my parents got off. They ended up running around trying to find me until seeing me still on the elevator (This is what THEY told me. I don't remember it a whole lot).

Another few I used to have was when we lived in Maine. I don't know why, but I used to have this fear that the Snowplow coming by our house was out to get me. I would hide form it every time I heard it coming thinking "if it can't see me, it won't get me". It was a rather silly fear because it was NEVER out to get me. Yet, even thinking about it... I still feel like I'm somewhat afraid of it though.

As for strange obsessions, well... I have an obsession with ambulances and ice cream trucks. I just find them to be sooo cute. I also have an obsession with hoodies as well. I just love them so much. I can't get over how cozy and warm they are. I must have a dozen hoodies lying around. Another reason I love them is because I can buy them twice my size and snuggle warmly into them by pulling them over my legs and such. :3

Oh! I'm also afraid of the darkness. It's silly, but when I'm in pitch darkness or almost pitch dark, I start seeing scary shapes forming before my eyes. I also feel fearful of the dark because I can't see either. It's really hard to explain for me, but I just can't seem to overcome this fear I have. D:

I might think of other things later on, but for now... that's all I can think of. D:

I amended the title of this post, so that the point I am trying to make is more obvious.

Thanks for the replies so far though.

I am particularly keen to see if anyone here is actually obsessed with things they have phobias of.

am fearful of surgery so for a while was obsessed with researching lumbar back surgery. ugh.

Afraid of heights, fast spinning objects, and some more.... Yet I am also fascinated by them.

I call myself a coward/adrenaline junky. When I am terrified of something I have to do it. For example, skydiving, public speaking...

I am a boredom junky.

Yes, and it makes perfect sense to do so.

Yes!
For example, ever since i was a kid if i saw images or trailers of a horror movie that looked terrifying i would get so curious that i would watch it, even it would cost a month without sleeping.
I'm also terrified of high places, open sea, big aquatic animals, snakes... But at the same time fascinated by all of them to the point of doing deep researches about.

Yes. I was obsessed with blender blades because they terrified me. But when I used the blender, I constantly thought about what would happen if I somehow got my fingers or tongue in there. Anyway. Finally, I gave away my blender and got a hand held thing to make smoothies with instead.

The existentialist Kierkrigaard would call this angst, the fear of our own freedom. He mentions standing near a cliff and being afraid of jumping off.
Being a Christian he used angst to explain the whole apple incident. Adam and Eve were experiencing angst and the stress was unbearable and so they bit.

Fear is a strong emotion that makes you focused on a thing and when someone with AS gets focused on something he likes discovering it. There is even a practical reason to do so(preventing danger) so one doesn't feel stupid or guilty by learning about it. And the more you know about the thing you are afraid of the weaker the fear gets because a huge part of fear is the unknown. Also - getting the knowledge makes you focused on the knowledge, not the fear itself so it is easier to stand.

My fear induced special interests included so far:
- monsters: ghosts and boogyman kind of stuffs in childhood. I ended up looking for them.
- death and afterlife: teenage years, when I was considering suicide. I ended up not afraid of death.
- huge accidents (plane crashes, buildings collapses, gas blow ups etc.): whenever something like this comes up I have to discover more and more about the causes, number of victims and imagining how I would deal with the situation if I was there. I'm curious how it feels like.
- thunderstorms: my great fear is computer breaking down due to a lightning strike. But instead of worrying about it I discover thunderstorms and actually wish for a lightning to hit my house. Well, actually this dream came true last summer but the lightning was not really strong (a side bolt, not the main part of a lightning). It only destroyed antenna, part of router and a LAN slot in TV. I saved my computer by seeing the thunderstorm coming and unplugging computer from power source before the strike. But still, the sudden flash of yellow light and rumble was great experience! I was not afraid at all. I was excited.

Last edited by Kiriae on 07 Nov 2014, 8:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Oh, if that's the case then... I had a very high fascination with the snow plow, despite 'fearing' it. I think I only did it as a joke because it was funny to me. I played alone with no friends or siblings (only child), so I had to make up my own games when playing in the snow. I guess that's how my 'fear' of the snow plow came into perspective.

Also, with elevators, I can ride them perfectly fine. I don't panic with them or anything. I just get a bit weary of them, and I think in a way too is they fascinate me as well. I like them, and yet I sort of don't at the same time. Paranormal stuff is also another thing for me. It scares me, yet it fascinates me at the same time. I also have a fascinated-type fear of old buildings such as asylums and stuff like that as well. It's very fascinating at times, and I always end up watching/seeing these things despite the nightmare factor they pose for me.