I am confused

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Hi everyone. I am 19, i live in Croatia and i am not sure if i have aspergers. The thought of me having aspergers is killing me for quiet some time. I asked my mum a few times and she always says i am normal more or less but i don't know if she is scared to tell me or if she is actually telling the truth. I go to parties, do drugs and all that stuff. I had a few girls and one relationship a year ago in which i lost my virginty and that is the last time a had sex. When i was young i used to play videogames a lot. When i was 12 i had my first girlfriend. I was bullied a significant amount of time, although i bullied others too (i am not very proud of that). I had friends in my life and i do have them right now. I am clumsy, suck at a lot of sports, and i could say i have average social skills. The thing is that i think people sometimes "laugh" at me in social situations and i don't know if it is in my head or what. I have a drivers license for a manual car, finished high school and I got in college.

I had a few fears of this type but none of them stuck with me this much. 2 years ago i smoked spice (fake weed) and had a bad trip and since then i have these thoughts. I continued to smoke weed and it made me paranoid and anxious so i decided to quit a year ago. Now i go to rave parties about once in a month and take amphetamine (it is a common recreational drug in Europe) so i can dance and most importantly talk better with people. I still play videogames but not as much as i used to. These thoughts are supported because i commonly do something stupid in a social situations and i become emberessed.

Sorry if i mispelled some things or whatever. I just want to ask you people: do you think i have aspergers? If you have any more questions please do ask. Thank you

Hi kmica420

The one thing that jumps out at me from your post is this: "spice" isn't something you want to ingest, whether by smoking, eating, or any other route. I've experimented with drugs since 1970 (minus a 15-year break when my children were young). I've tried many; I would never use that one. I think you probably feel the same - it seems you didn't get any benefit from it. In fact, seems you feel that it's affecting you even afterwards - when you smoke cannabis even without the "spice" it still feels off, weird... you might want to consider laying off the weed for a while until your neurology has shaken off the effects of the spice. (One reason I don't like the whole idea of that drug is it does not simply wear off, rather it does so gradually and self-selectively. Another sketchy thing about it is that there is not an actual definition or standardized formula for it, so it's just, whatever anyone wants to sell under the name of spice.)

I'm not sure how "normal" it is for someone your age and your locality to be using drugs in the ways you describe. It doesn't sound particularly "autistic" to me -- and doesn't seem like it would be a "non-autistic" thing to do, either. I know some young people of both neurological persuasions here in the US, and their culture definitely seems to embrace certain drugs in the same way. It would probably be hypocritical of me to fully disapprove, but I disapprove of the non-medical use of poppy derivatives and their synthoids, and I must say I really don't like to see the rampant alcohol abuse that's so common among young people.

It would be hard to say if you are autistic or not from what you posted, but it isn't unheard of for some autistics to get into groups of friends who like to play around with drugs. I see you have 420 in your user name, that one is OK in my book. Preferably for older people, but better than alcohol and hard drugs for almost all people. (Excluding drugs ordered for you by a doctor; you should probably do what the doctor tells you to do, but don't let obedience override your good sense if it isn't working out with a prescription...)

Hey man.

Well i didn't know it was spice but i had my doubts and i still smoked it. My friends didn't tell me it wasn't weed because none of them had the same effect and they didn't know it could have the effect i had. I stopped smoking weed last year, i left the 420 name because it is kinda my signature name for social media lol. The thing is i think smoking weed in the past and all that made me paranoid and now i don't know if i am really autistic or is it just in my head. My reasons for those thoughts is that i was socially awkward and i still am a bit today, i am clumsy and i suck at sports. I never had meltdowns, sensory issues, specific special interests. I do understand sarcasm and use it a lot, like hanging out with people (i like groups more than one on one), i am really empathic and i like helping people when i see they need it. I have a feeling i started having these thoughts when a few people told me i am an idiot (i don't think asperger people are idiots but other people call them that) and i took those words to my heart but then again i might really be an aspie. I am blabbing nonsense over here i know but i just have to get this off my chest because it is bothering me for some time. If you have any questions that could tell you if i am or not please do ask.

P.S. i don't want to offend anyone by me being scared of being an aspie like it is a disease because i don't think of it that way.
Again sorry for some bad english and thank you.

Edit: it wasn't Spice, it was some other brand of synthetic marijuana (i thought every synthetic marijuana is called "spice" in America)