is my excruciating difficulty with processing info common???

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campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 12:24 am

You guys, it feels really good to be writing on here because I feel like a lot of voices in my head say that I'm trying to feel the glass wall or that I'm doing this to myself, or I can change my brain but I just can't. My therapist told me I am on the spectrum and have been doing OCD cbt therapy. I have hypergraphia + intrusive imagery, but my main question for you is the way I process information - common for aspies?

Basically ill be reading something and ill get fixated on one detail and obsess over it, and blur out the rest of the meaning or one detail will trigger my hypergraphia and make me write something down. Therefore I don't watch movies or tv or read books yet I wrote one. I also feel like I'm in my own world, literally - just here like ariel in the little mermaid wanting to be on land with people.


If I'm watching something I'll obsess on that one detail and it will be hard for me to watch the entire thing cause I'm thinking of that
Especially listening to music certain phrases just can be broken down and I can feel like I'm having an out of body experience like I can pass out with them cause it feels so beautiful like little things like orange peels left in the sink or the banister. I just wanna kiss them.
I also think in images

Everyone tells me I'm intelligent yet I feel like the biggest idiot ever. I wrote a manuscript that a fairly known publisher bought from collaging notes together but when I read them, it doesn't even feel like it was me who did it? I just feel like I'm not here. I dropped out of high school cause it was so hard for me. I am very suicidal cause I feel like I am not like everyone else. people use me all the time and I don't really notice until others tell me, I'm just so out of it

IN MY own home I ask if I can have a Mandarin.... I always say thank you and sorry

I have such a hard time processing info... I am very very sensitive to stimuli, basically everything is a spike in real life everything is narrated, so I stay home a lot.



unit_00
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15 Nov 2014, 1:04 am

i can only think of one instance that i'm aware of that is possibly similar to what you experience. out of concern for triggering a thought loop for you, i will try to keep this vague.

in a short story i read, there was a single sentence that for whatever reason i really got obsessed over the first time. i couldn't really pay attention to anything in the story afterwords and it affected me so intensely and obsessively that it started to scare me. since then no matter how many times i read the story, the only thing i get out of it is that sentence and i will obsess over it the rest of the day.


i'm guessing that is a very very small taste of what you experience? but maybe i am wrong. i don't write stuff down though. anyway, from what i've seen on this forum it doesn't seem like your problem is very common. well i mean on here obsession is common, and so is being sensitive to stimuli, but to the degree which you have it is not so common i think. the thinking in images i think is common though.

also, from what you said in your post, do you have any derealization/depersonalization problems?



campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 1:23 am

unit_00 wrote:
i can only think of one instance that i'm aware of that is possibly similar to what you experience. out of concern for triggering a thought loop for you, i will try to keep this vague.

in a short story i read, there was a single sentence that for whatever reason i really got obsessed over the first time. i couldn't really pay attention to anything in the story afterwords and it affected me so intensely and obsessively that it started to scare me. since then no matter how many times i read the story, the only thing i get out of it is that sentence and i will obsess over it the rest of the day.


i'm guessing that is a very very small taste of what you experience? but maybe i am wrong. i don't write stuff down though. anyway, from what i've seen on this forum it doesn't seem like your problem is very common. well i mean on here obsession is common, and so is being sensitive to stimuli, but to the degree which you have it is not so common i think. the thinking in images i think is common though.

also, from what you said in your post, do you have any derealization/depersonalization problems?


Thank you so much for sharing that with me because YES that's exactly how my brain works. And yes yes I do suffer from derealization! Thank you



flamebolt925
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15 Nov 2014, 1:51 am

i dont think it is uncommon for those on spectrum to to process information in the way you describe sometimes when i am feeling a certain way i will feel a song playing in back of my head or internalize or remember listening to that song.. so your not alone in how you feel i too feel disconnected at times...and i to can become fixated on things like when i bought my iphone 4s from a local store in town when i was waiting for them to unlock it or rather them waiting on apple to unlock it so i could use it with my tmobile carrier i was just stressing about it a lot and during speech therapy sessions the student clinician supervisor coined the term "rock brain" cause i was so fixated and stressed out about it i stressed out about it for weeks while i waited for it to get unlocked and i was so relieved when it was unlocked the stress just went away and i felt so at ease when i had a phone that worked cause i didnt really tell my dad about buying it till i had done so and he was .....cant really remember what he said something along lines of what one blah blah cant recall full details (technically i can remember all the details i just dont want to physically type it all out is all). i am also an aspie and when sometimes im engaged in my special interest which is video games at moment i tend to focus on it and will be playing and not realize how much time has gone by and be like s#*t its x:xx time already?. and i even had friend take advantage of my kindness by agreeing to let him stay at my apartment this year from late june to like sept 7th or so at the risk of if the landlord had found out i was doing that i could have gotten evicted because i was in fact violating the terms of my lease and i was possibly even violating my section 8 housing agreement too he was just a leach he would bring ladies over to screw with them and i didnt appreciate that and he would also bring booze and other alcohol in i didnt like that either and he also smoked pot in my place and i cant stand smell of it and i caught smell of it and they tried to cover smell up with febreze but then it just smelt like pot and febreze...but i was glad when we kicked him out. i learned a lot from that experience this year and yeah i in my apartment sleep on the couch in the living room cause the outside light is really bright at night and the person that i had foolishly let stay at my place would come in at late hours of the night and i am a extremely light sleeper so i would get woken up when he would come in at night(why is the song to code lyoko stuck in my head now? eh i will ignore it) and when he would have a woman over to f**k with i could hear it from living room trying to sleep on couch and i am so glad that i have my freedom and peace of mind in my place.



unit_00
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15 Nov 2014, 1:54 am

campboy92 wrote:
Thank you so much for sharing that with me because YES that's exactly how my brain works. And yes yes I do suffer from derealization! Thank you


oh good, i am glad my experience was something you could relate to. no wonder you feel so overwhelmed, you must be a very strong person to endure this kind of thing EVERY day. how intense!! i have derealization/depersonalization problems as well, it gets worse for me when i'm in public/outside so i stay home most of the time too. although for me sometimes it can be pleasurable, feeling so out of it. does it ever feel that way for you?

anyway, i'm about to go to bed but. since i can relate a small bit to your experiences, if you ever want to vent or ask questions or anything, i'll always be around.


i hope as you continue with therapy you can get this down to a manageable level. also maybe posting more to Wrong Planet might be helpful in a venting/relating experiences kind of way.



campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 2:55 am

unit_00 wrote:
campboy92 wrote:
Thank you so much for sharing that with me because YES that's exactly how my brain works. And yes yes I do suffer from derealization! Thank you


oh good, i am glad my experience was something you could relate to. no wonder you feel so overwhelmed, you must be a very strong person to endure this kind of thing EVERY day. how intense!! i have derealization/depersonalization problems as well, it gets worse for me when i'm in public/outside so i stay home most of the time too. although for me sometimes it can be pleasurable, feeling so out of it. does it ever feel that way for you?

anyway, i'm about to go to bed but. since i can relate a small bit to your experiences, if you ever want to vent or ask questions or anything, i'll always be around.


i hope as you continue with therapy you can get this down to a manageable level. also maybe posting more to Wrong Planet might be helpful in a venting/relating experiences kind
of way.


Thank you!! !! Everyday and every second



campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 2:32 pm

more people help



LokiofSassgard
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15 Nov 2014, 3:02 pm

I have TONS of problems with processing. I can't even process how to write a sarcastic character in stories. It's so bad that I end up being repetitive to things I do know. It takes time for me to really understand what I'm doing. I have always had strong processing difficulties growing up, but it's gradually gotten better and seems only affected by my learning delays.

When I was younger, my mom would tell me to go brush my teeth. I'd go into the bathroom, and I'd literally forget what she had told me to do. So, it's gotten better in some ways, but it's still there when I try to learn new things. I also can't process what I read very well. If you ask me what I read was about, I'd stare at you with a confused look on my face.


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campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 3:04 pm

LokiofSassgard wrote:
I have TONS of problems with processing. I can't even process how to write a sarcastic character in stories. It's so bad that I end up being repetitive to things I do know. It takes time for me to really understand what I'm doing. I have always had strong processing difficulties growing up, but it's gradually gotten better and seems only affected by my learning delays.

When I was younger, my mom would tell me to go brush my teeth. I'd go into the bathroom, and I'd literally forget what she had told me to do. So, it's gotten better in some ways, but it's still there when I try to learn new things. I also can't process what I read very well. If you ask me what I read was about, I'd stare at you with a confused look on my face.


With the spectrum, is it that everyone is different - so therefore all our differences manifest in individual ways?



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15 Nov 2014, 3:07 pm

I'm not really sure about that. I do think there's a difference, in my opinion. People can be affected by it differently because autism is considered a spectrum. One person might have trouble processing what they read while another has a hard time processing what is around them. It's hard to say since I'm not really a professional. :/


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campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 3:11 pm

LokiofSassgard wrote:
I'm not really sure about that. I do think there's a difference, in my opinion. People can be affected by it differently because autism is considered a spectrum. One person might have trouble processing what they read while another has a hard time processing what is around them. It's hard to say since I'm not really a professional. :/


Very true.



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15 Nov 2014, 3:20 pm

I can relate to how you described your thoughts except for thinking in images



campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 4:10 pm

Zajie wrote:
I can relate to how you described your thoughts except for thinking in images


the looping?



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15 Nov 2014, 5:26 pm

campboy92 wrote:
Zajie wrote:
I can relate to how you described your thoughts except for thinking in images


the looping?

Those are the things I related to:
Quote:
Basically ill be reading something and ill get fixated on one detail and obsess over it, and blur out the rest of the meaning or one detail will trigger my hypergraphia and make me write something down. Therefore I don't watch movies or tv or read books yet I wrote one. I also feel like I'm in my own world, literally - just here like ariel in the little mermaid wanting to be on land with people.
If I'm watching something I'll obsess on that one detail and it will be hard for me to watch the entire thing cause I'm thinking of that

I also, when reading or watching something get so fixated on one detail, so I pause the thing I'm doing and go obsess over it then after that I continue watching / reading it and I always feel that I'm in my own world like I'm disconnected from the world
Quote:
Especially listening to music certain phrases just can be broken down and I can feel like I'm having an out of body experience like I can pass out with them cause it feels so beautiful like little things like orange peels left in the sink or the banister. I just wanna kiss them.

I keep listening to certain parts of anime episodes because I like the way they talk with the soundtracks playing in the background and I only listen to that I don't even listen to music anymore
Quote:
Everyone tells me I'm intelligent yet I feel like the biggest idiot ever. I wrote a manuscript that a fairly known publisher bought from collaging notes together but when I read them, it doesn't even feel like it was me who did it? I just feel like I'm not here. I dropped out of high school cause it was so hard for me. I am very suicidal cause I feel like I am not like everyone else. people use me all the time and I don't really notice until others tell me, I'm just so out of it

People tell me I'm smart but never use my abilities that includes parents, teachers, friends and classmates
Quote:
I have such a hard time processing info... I am very very sensitive to stimuli, basically everything is a spike in real life everything is narrated, so I stay home a lot.

I have hard time processing in real life, it actually seems scary sometimes



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15 Nov 2014, 5:37 pm

Almost all of my mental capacity is geared toward passively absorbing information like a sponge and repeating it effortlessly. I have won trivia and logistical contests but was called an absent minded professor, from kindergarten.

A relatively small portion of my mind is used, with much difficulty, applying that information. I know about decorum but neglect myself. I am sometimes able to accomplish feats which surprise people, but never without overthinking it.



campboy92
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15 Nov 2014, 5:44 pm

friedmacguffins wrote:
Almost all of my mental capacity is geared toward passively absorbing information like a sponge and repeating it effortlessly. I have won trivia and logistical contests but was called an absent minded professor, from kindergarten.

A relatively small portion of my mind is used, with much difficulty, applying that information. I know about decorum but neglect myself. I am sometimes able to accomplish feats which surprise people, but never without overthinking it.


So are you telling me to use this as a gift?