22 still living at home.....low self esteem

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Hello...I am 22 and still live at home. It is hard because most of my childhood friends are grown and married now and some even have kids. I feel stuck...I don't have a good job at the moment and I don't have a car either. I also only have my learners permit but am hoping to get my liscence soon.

Anyone else relate?

hello me too! i got my drivers license when i was either 19 or 20, i know this one teacher of mine who was an NT who didn't get hers until she was 22, so i dont think it's a bad thing. i have not kept in touch with any of my friends, throughout growing up i drifted away from everyone slowly but surely. i have a part time job on the weekends, but that's it. i also feel stuck. are you diagnosed? for me, i am trying to find a good therapist so i can possibly get diagnosed and maybe they'll be able to help me.

I'm 29 and have only lived apart from my parents for 6 weeks of my adult life. I have a car but haven't worked since July. Most of my high school friends went on with their lives and I'm still an overgrown kid who's too overwhelmed by adult life to adapt to being an adult.

Thank you for your response. I am diagnosed. I got diagnosed at 22 so not long ago at all. I can relate to what you are saying about fading away from friends honestly I do that too. But having Facebook I can see whats new in their lives and it can be discouraging but I have to remind myself envy is not a good thing. I just feel left behind when I see all that stuff...like they somehow passed to adulthood and I didn't. I currently am a consultant for essential oils but that is my only job....and at the moment it's not really active so I have no money coming in.

I was diagnosed a few months ago although showed signs all throughout my life.

When you look at your friend's lives, are they lives you'd actually like to live? Personally I've never had any desire to get married or have kids or do a lot of the 'normal adult' things in life so it's never been too distressing to look at people doing things I know I'd loath. But the feeling I can't even plan out a life for myself, let alone work to achieve it is pretty soulcrushing at times.

I moved out when I was 20, but didn't get my license until age 37.

These days, it's not embarrassing for a person in his/her early 20's to still be living with their parents.

I cant drive because my vision's too bad & I lived with my parents till I moved in with my girlfriend a couple years ago & I was like 29

Don't sweat it. It's incredibly commonplace these days for even NTs to still be living in their parents' house, let alone people with ASD. Seriously, the economic realities in the last ten years have really changed the whole pattern traditionally thought to be the "norm."

Among NT people alone that I know of, have known, or was or am acquainted with:

Local man who is a photographer, about 45 to 50 years old, has been a staff photographer for a well known British soccer team, sells his work etc. Has an income but the area is too expensive for it to be sensible to find his own place. Lives in the house he grew up in with his elderly mother. Does not and has never held a drivers license.

Friend of mine, a man aged 46. Lives with his elderly mother and her common-law second husband (my friend's kind of step-dad) also elderly. Also gainfully employed but it makes no sense to live elsewhere, economically. Family relies on him a lot for rides and ferrying around for shopping etc.

Another guy I know, is a carer for his mother and lives with her. Has been married and out on his own but came back.

Woman of 45 living with her mother in a house they bought together (one retired, one gainfully employed).

Woman of 55 living with her parents, no plans to do anything other. Works/has a career. Never married. Situation apparently happy and satisfactory all around.

And these are all NTs!

I have more -- it's surprising how much this is happening these days. If it works for all parties or is necessary to any party in the arrangement, my philosophy is "don't knock it."

If it's not working well, that's different. But if it's needed or wanted, there's nothing wrong with it.

I am 25 and still live at home, I don't have any childhood friends....I have some acquaintances and a couple people from elementary school that found my facebook page haven't exchanged messages with them, not sure what to say and they live in wisconsin but they have liked some of my statuses and I have done the same. But yeah there are people from my highschool on my friends list and so I see statuses of them living their lives most certainly seem to be more stable and I guess 'adult' than me. I do have one pretty close friend i hang out with a lot who I met because him and my brother are friends and so we've hung out and have gotten to know each other better so now we've even hung out without my brother and another but we've sort of lost contact. I am on SSI and probably wont be in a position to work any time soon and also have no car, I also only have my permit but am not going to bother with a liscense as I cannot afford a car, gas for a car and I think driving in traffic would be too dangerous with my anxiety issues and low tolerance for stress. Luckily I live around a city so there is public transit and aside from that I walk, I have a bike but don't really ride it much.

So I can kind of relate but my situation is a little different....and you say you don't have a good job? well if you have a job that is still an accomplishment....not so sure there are a ton of 'good' jobs available considering all the unemployed college graduates.

22 is kind of young to be married, and very young to be married with children.
You are not behind in life - your friends are rushing.
If you're not married by 30, then you can start to worry a little.

^This. It's very common these days.

And moving out to live independently hasn't always been the norm anyway. In many families and/or cultures, the tradition was that multiple generations lived together in one large home.

I didn't move out of my parents' house until I was around 26. And I only moved next door to them. It works for me and financially makes better sense than moving away somewhere else.

I've heard lots of people who were married and/or out on their own at a young age, say that they wish they hadn't done it, wish they had taken more time to be young and have fun, find themselves, travel, finish school, wish they had waited longer to have children, etc.

Agreed, and even then, I know quite a bunch of people who didn't marry and/or have their first child after the 30 mark.

My personal situation is that I'm 27 going on 28 and still live with relatives; the only romantic relationship I was in after reaching adulthood was a one-year "friendship-with-benefits", and I did live semi-independently while I was at my alcoholic father's house from age 21 to 26; he was often gone and I took care of my own food by working (several different jobs throughout the years). I did my own thing to stay afloat.

But I also have very low self esteem, and sometimes stuff like housing, work, and friendships/social life get me down too. If there are things in your life you want to see changed, you can slowly work toward realizing those goals.

If at 22 your friends are married with children, they're either extremely conservative Christians or they're growing up too fast, most likely due to having done something irresponsible, and very well may be divorced with ugly custody arguments by 30.

In this day and age, it's not in any way uncommon for a 22-year-old to still be living at home. It may not be "socially cool," but it's economically responsible and better for the planet anyway.

Moving out and all that goes with it is seriously overrated, at least in part by the corporate mess that wants to sell you your very own copy of everything under the sun.

Don't give up on being independent one of these days-- chances are that if you keep trying, and learn from your mistakes ("failure" is another one of those things that's distorted in this culture-- someone who's never failed is someone who's never tried, because everyone fails, that's how we learn), you'll get there eventually.

But there isn't actually any timetable for "you must do it by XX or else." That's an illusion.

Out of me and my three closest cousins, I was the ONLY ONE who moved out by 18 and stayed moved out. If I had it all to do over again, I would have stayed home until I was about 25 (maybe older). I would have saved myself a lot of troubles, and my life would probably have been better for having done it.

Don't beat yourself up about this one. It's very common, and totally OK.

And, until about the middle of the 20th Century, it was also what the majority of people did. Moving out as soon as you reach majority is new, actually...

...and I note that it is highly correlated with the dissolution of the extended family and, some who I happen to agree with say, the dissolution of the fabric of society as well.

These days it's common to still be living at home in your early 20's. Everybody can't have a new car, a new house and a good paid job to pay for it on their 18th birthday. I read somewhere that most people start moving out in their mid to late 20's.

27 and still scare dates away When they realise i still live with my parents.

I'm 23 and do not live with my parents and I am questioned about it frequently. It's a judgmental type of questioning, like "What did you do for them to not support you?"

All I can say is since I was 13, my father told me I start paying him rent on my 18th birthday or I move the hell out. Why this practice is alien to people, I don't know.