ISSUES with a TEACHER I am seeing DEAN tomorrow

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I have a problem. There's this teacher at school who is waay involved in my life. He sees my ASD.. and well is overly concerned with finding ways to help me learn. I am gong to Dean tomorrow because basically he blew it too far with me.. Problem is, I don't really have a way to explain my situation very well, even on here.. He got the students involved.. just because I have a disability.. I feel stressed out because I cannot do my own thing with people bothering me 24.7 and do not feel like I get to do anything on my own. They are annoying. I have no way to explain my situation and it makes me feel powerless. If this does not work, I am going to move states, that's how bad my situation is.

what do you do in relation to this school? are you also a student or do you work there? since you said the teacher was very concerned with finding ways to help you learn, i'm assuming a student? seems like he is trying to help, but is being way too intrusive? maybe he is just seeing your ASD and not you, as a person.


going to the dean sounds like a good idea, i hope he or she can help you out.


sorry for asking lots of questions, just trying to flesh out the situation so we can hopefully help you better. it sounds like you are very stressed out, i hope you can resolve this and not have to move.

have you told the teacher he is doing too much? going to the dean before talking to the teacher is kind of mean.

You should just tell the teacher that you prefer to manage your condition on your own, without outside help, but that you will ask for it when you do need it. If you could manage without help, you should not have told them about your condition, as it can lead to difficulties, like what you are experiencing now.

Certain things in our lives should be kept on a "need-to-know" basis. If someone doesn't need to know about your "need-to-know" info, you just don't tell them. Among the need-to-know things are:

- Financial info
- Medical info
- Personal ID info
- Confidential work related info
- Private personal info

Many people make their lives more complicated and more miserable because they don't keep their mouth shut about stuff that should be kept confidential. I think this is what happened to you. If you can't get this teacher to back off, either change to a different teacher of that course, or change schools. In the future, remember and practice the "need-to-know" rule. It will reduce problems, and stress in your life.

[quote="Maeko"] "I feel stressed out because I cannot do my own thing with people bothering me 24.7 and do not feel like I get to do anything on my own. They are annoying. I have no way to explain my situation and it makes me feel powerless"

Hi Maeko. I have quoted what seems to be the core issues in your brief summary. If I have understood you, these can be summarised as:

1) you don't get any space/opportunity to do your own thing
2) you feel suffocated/overloaded by the continuous attention/scrutiny of "helpers", and
3) the overall impacts of this situation for you is a sense of powerlessness and rising stress levels.

It is a bit tricky to offer you some ideas given the brevity of your post. However I am going to suggest that before the meeting, figure out what ever would be a "workable compromise" for you, so that you can offer this as a potential solution to the Dean. This gives you two new advantages:

1) instead of being viewed as a "complainer" you present as a "problem solver".
2) it gives you back some power in the situation, because you are acting rather than reacting.

So what could be some workable compromises for you to propose?

Designated time out periods?
Fewer people assisting you?
One to one assistance when you need it that you can call upon if necessary?
Designated times for you to work in class but alone?
All of these?
Write these down to take with you to the meeting with the dean.

In general, take the position of advocating for your needs, rather than criticising your teacher.

Start with an opening statement, which could be something like:

"Thank you for seeing me. I felt I needed to come and see you because of a stressful situation in class and I would value your help to resolve it."

Then briefly outline what is causing you the stress and ask for his ideas. Let him speak and listen to what he says, even if you disagree.

Then it's your turn: "I've thought about this a lot, and some workable compromises for me would be...."

You may have to give way on some to get the ones you most want. (That's what negotiation is, and it's a great skill to have, and it helps you reclaim back the power of being involved in agreeing on solutions).

I hope this helps and things improve for you.

Can you explain what you are hoping for from the dean?

You could ask the class to back off, if you're able. When you don't need help, tell them so. The kind of person who's willing to help is hopefully also the kind of person who will leave you alone if asked rather than pester you.