Why do little things ruin my day?

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I can be having a pretty good day, and then one person gets slightly annoyed at me or I do something slightly stupid, and it just ruins my day because after that I can't stop thinking about it.

Like today at work, I got in a little bit of trouble because I wasn't going fast enough apparently. They said I was making the other guy do all the work. I don't deny that he probably did more, but the thing is I've not even been working here very long and they keep giving me tons of contradictory instructions, or just a lot all at once, and I get confused and I end up standing around trying to figure out what to do. It's not because I'm being lazy, I really just don't know what to do.

Example of contradictory instructions: I need to help the other guy as much as I can to get everything done, but since he is more experienced I need to let him do most of it. They told me that (not in those words, but that was what they said).

So I end up being confused of course, and a lot of the time when I do something he goes and does my work that I've done over again, so it feels pointless to do anything anyway. And it's not like I'm doing it wrong, usually he says something when I do. He has OCD, so that could be why, since I don't do it the exact way he wants (I don't even know what that way is).

The reason I didn't do as much today is because I didn't even know what to do, they tell me the experienced guy is in charge but he never gives me specific instruction so I just do what I see needs done. How am I supposed to know exactly what he wants me to be doing if he doesn't say anything? I would slow things down if I am just constantly asking him what to do.

But this is what I mean, it wasn't even really a big deal at this point, it was only a supervisor that got slightly annoyed at me, he said he didn't want the boss involved. So I'm not even in trouble really. But ever since then I've just not been able to stop thinking about it and the whole issue makes me really angry because I don't think it's fair, considering I haven't gotten any formal instruction about my responsibilities, and they somehow expect me to just know exactly what they want me to do. I keep getting the urge to hit and throw things. And every minor annoyance now makes me want to kill somebody.

that also made me wanna be a hermit.

Yes, I totally get the OP. I spend a large amount of my working life analyzing the actions/behaviours of others to understand what makes them tick. My extremely analytical approach to everything is noticed. I am always accurate, always correct, but socio-politically inept, which in common social terminology means I'm a workaholic no-lifer. The thing is, I don't really care. I enjoy spending hours grinding away at huge piles of data. If they want to try and manipulate me due to my social issues well I just say "no" a lot. I take a lot of strain with the social pressure but have learnt that sticking to "no" and not budging tends to win the day. In the meantime I just have to try really hard to not have tantrums/outbursts/rage at the office. They get a little nervous when I do that.

Fixation.

The bane of the Aspie's work life.

If you work in a "unionized" business, then you should join the union and get to know your union representative so you don't have to take abuse off of the management.

@ the OP:

1) Sometimes, you have to realize that it's not you, but it's your boss.

2) Usually, your boss is not making a calculated effort to be a jerk, but he's really that stupid. Try to be patient. There is no excuse for getting mad at an idiot for being an idiot. It doesn't do you any good. Take it into account, and avoid letting it become a problem if you can. If your boss doesn't understand a question, try using smaller words. If you try to be patient, you might find that your boss is really a nice person, at heart.

3) Part of doing the job correctly is for you to get trained while on the job, even if it takes longer to complete it in the short-term. Part of the more experienced worker's job is to train you. Your job is to learn. Your company has already put the cost of this, in terms of man-hours, in the accounting books, so take the time to learn to do it right.

Aspies have an intelligence that can be used to compensate for our other deficits. I have learnt to use inferences from observed behaviours to work out why people do what they do. Behaviours are easy to observe. You don't have to see emotional/social cues to observe behaviour. This has compensated for my weak skills in the social realm. I still have an issue with understanding moods and suchlike in the moment but in the aftermath, I analyse events, discussions and decisions and can establish quite effectively whats going on. Its intelligence gathering and analysis. I've become really good at that without being aware of it. It takes a bit longer than the NT process of going with perception concerning mood, emotion and suchlike, but it has an accuracy that is simply spot on.

The point of this post is therefore to say that we aspies are not without our means to succeed. We must accept that we will always have certain issues, but these don't have to determine our ultimate success/failure. We have our own ways and means.

Having been there before, I think sometimes the brain gets stuck in "fix-it" mode even when there's nothing to be done. Like it thinks it's going to come back and bite you in the arse if you don't cover it from every possible angle a thousand times.

That said, I think most people have a limit to how much they can take in one day, and everything beyond that just gets no patience whatsoever.

OP I can totally relate to this and I dwell on it just like you do. It's not fair that we get the blame because other people are idiots who don't explain properly what they want and expect you to just know. I'll be happier when I can retire so don't have to deal with these kinds of people so much anymore.