Referring to people by name

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Somewhere along the line I developed an odd aversion to referring to people by their first name when talking directly to them -- used to enrage my ex girlfriend. I've never really been able to put my finger on the reason for it. It's almost as if saying a person's name is too personal for me. When I see someone of the street, I usually just say "Hey. how's it going?" Or "Hello!" Never, "Hello [person's name].

I was just curious if anyone else on the autism spectrum had this particular issue.

Defintely. Yes. Yes. Yes.

There have also been many other threads I have found in the past discussing this same issue. I've found it for awhile one of the most curious things about me, not to mention how frustrating it can be when other forms of getting people's attention don't work.

This definitely rings a bell for me.

I don't like using first names in emails either. It's weird. It's not like a first name is that personal, and yet I have problems with it.

I tend not to use people's names because it takes forever for me to remember them.

Using first names is a confidence thing. I'm working on just shouting peoples first names when I see them. Its pretty awesome.

Kinda. Partially because I often don't recall names, but also have a bit of an aversion to it. Dont know why.

Thanks for the replies, everyone. For years this has troubled me; now I see I'm not alone. Still, I'm trying to break the pattern with new people I meet. If there's one thing I've learned it's that its next to impossible to break bad patterns of behavior with those I already know.

I don't see a big deal in it. As long as I remember someones name(I have trouble with it) I will use it when it is the most effective way to get their attention. For example I will say"Anna! Can you help me out?" when there is a lot of people around and it would be hard to get only Anna getting bothered but I will just say "Can you help me out?" when there is just Anna sitting next to me and other people are not close enough to get bothered. Names were made for that reason - so people know you are speaking directly to them, not someone next to them when there is more than 2 people around.

I hate my own name because it doesn't really do its function. Its too popular - there is a lot of Kates around me so I will get bothered whenever anyone calls a Kate just as if I would be bothered if someone said "Hey, you!" in a crowd. It's troublesome.

BTW. Whatever a name is personal or not depends of the culture.
In Japan for example you won't call anyone by 1st name unless you are really close friends or still kids. Often even lovers choose to call each other by surnames and find 1st names too intimate.

I think there have been threads about this before and many here said they don't like using names, and/or hearing someone else use their name.

In most cases it feels weird to me to call someone by name. It depends on how well I know someone. It feels more weird the less well I know someone. Especially if I'm not sure if I remember their name.

Similarly I dislike hearing people use my name if they don't know me well. Like when a store clerk reads my name off my credit card and says it. WEIRD. Or when people I meet in my job keep using my name while they are talking to me. Using it to get my attention is one thing. But beyond that it's just irritating. It sounds pushy.

I hardly ever refer to people by name. I have to know them for a long time and feel particularly comfortable and confident in order to say their name out loud. It's partially a confidence issue and partially because I get my words jumbled up and sometimes say peoples' names incorrectly. I know what I want to say but my brain likes to add letters from the word preceding or following the person's name to make a new word (like, instead of saying "It was just Zack" I might say "It was just Jack"). I also say words in the wrong order sometimes, so instead of saying "Hey Mary, have you seen Sarah?", I might say "Hey Sarah, have you seen Mary?" Dumb stuff like that. I'm so paranoid that I'm going to say the wrong name that I try not to say it at all. Also, addressing people by their name makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason.

I rarely refer to people by name because I can never remember names. I've even forgotten the names of some family members, haha.

True in my case. At least I noticed since when I was at 1st year HS. It's not because I don't recall their names, it's just REALLY I don't of know them. To me, if I call a person's name out, it feels odd like I'm pointing at them directly in a more aggressive way... Unless I really know this person not as acquaintance, but as an actual friend that I REALLY know of.
All my classmates wonder why I never ever mentioned their names despite being with them for over a year now. Even the profs; which I just describe them as "Ms/Mr/Mrs.[Insert their teaching subject here]" instead of their last names. Heck, even the school admin. Everyone keeps pestering me for it by constantly asking 'who are they' or if I know them...
Up to the point where one of my profs (intentionally) forcing me to answer by (her) full name in a quiz; which I never get to. She even threaten me to give me a near-failing grade for it for laughs. I'm not exaggerating.

At as for someone calling out my name... It feels rather annoying, distracting... It's not really the name itself I don't like... I hate introducing myself in front of the class or to someone, and even saying my own name feels rather odd. At least no one is yelling out my silly nickname. XD

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I have a lot of trouble remembering new names. I prefer not to risk using the wrong ones, so I usually just leave it out.

The earliest reference I know of about saying people's names as a social gesture is from Dale Carnegie, who said something like "there is no more beautiful a sound to a person than that of their own name." Carnegie overlooked cultural variation, and he also overlooked the difference between making friends and selling used cars, so he advocated a lot of ego-feeding. I don't like that.

It can be nice, I guess it can show the other person that you aren't just anybody to them. But if they mean more to you than that, I'm sure there are other, better ways of showing it.

I used to have this. I can remember feeling really awkward about calling people by their first names when I was younger. It almost bordered on a phobia for me.

Over the years though I have managed to muster up the courage to use peoples first names. That is however if I can remember their names in the first place.

Back in the day I attended (as part of my job) a series of seminars that promised they would teach you to "Make Friends and Influence People." I must say it was money ill spent.

During one session they described how important it was to use peoples names when you speak to them, and that a person's name was one of the favorite things for a person to hear (helps you make friends, you see (?)).

I feel the NT participants in the seminar must have had a different association (with past memories of hearing their names used) than I'd had, because hearing someone use my name can almost make me "jump out of my skin." Despite my personal (internal) reaction the other participants all seemed to concur with the seminar leader.

Even now, using someone's name as I speak to them is almost as hard as looking into their eyes as we speak.

I almost never naturally use people's names. I often forget names while remembering other information about a person's activities, etc. Because I am so bad at remembering names, I have tried to deliberately use a person's name three times when first meeting them. Because this is awkward, I mention that I am bad at remembering names and doing this for that reason.

"So, Bob, I am bad at remembering names and that is why I am forcing myself to use your name aloud a few extra times just now. It probably won't work, Bob, but there is a chance so I want to try. Anyway, it's a real pleasure to meet you, Bob."

That's about the only time that I do mention the name and it doesn't often work...
Still I think people appreciate the effort. Maybe.