refusing invitations

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Thinking back, I've spent every major holiday alone. I usually spend it sitting in my basement apartment, browsing the web, watching videos, and smoking cigarettes.... not much excitement.. I know

Yesterday my boss asked me if I was doing anything for thanksgiving and invited me for dinner with his family.. I refused... my sister invited me too and I refused as well.

now i'm sitting here thanksgiving alone.. probably won't talk to another live person for the rest of the day.

I feel lonely... I feel depressed... yet I don't want to go out and sit down for 2 hours talking/eating with these people... I always prefered eating alone better.

Of course at 32 years old, I'm left asking myself why i've always reacted this way to invitations? Is sitting there for 2 hours face-to-face with people really so traumatizing? It sometimes is. The last time I tried this, I was left feeling even more depressed than before... in fact almost suicidal... thinking about all the functionality and moderate success everyone seems to have except for me... being able to make friends... be part of a community... a relationship.. children... It makes me feel intensely sad and worthless.

Of course I feel happy for those people too... but it makes me feel like a complete waste of space on a personal level, so I avoid them at all costs.

My relatives rarely ever see me. I don't call my nieces/nephews/siblings for their birthdays.. or ever... It doesn't make me feel happy, but it does make it easier to survive mentally.

can anyone relate? any advice?

If I could script gatherings of family and friends, I would include myself for no longer than 90 minutes. Even when the gatherings I have attended were nice and calm, the durations were brutal. I shut down after 90 minutes no matter how pleasant everyone and everything is. I end up thinking about calming ideas. But, when I explain my resistence to marathon groups, I get insulted by those who can keep going like it is a fraternity party. I just don't understand it. Do they want me to join them, or not? My conditions (duration and relative quiet) aren't just whimsy. It really matters to me. Otherwise, I usually just clench my teeth and ignore everyone.

I could have spent the day with relatives but I decided to stay home alone today instead. I've done the same many times in the past on holidays. I do see my relatives frequently so there's nothing special for me about seeing them on a holiday. I think of it as something people probably enjoy more when they live far away from each other and only see each other on holidays.

Yes it sure can be especially when there is a lot of hype surrounding the event, heightened expectations and what not.

Lots of people get depressed on holidays, for all kinds of reasons...some because they have no one to spend the day with, some because they can't stand their relatives, some because they can't afford to travel to see their family, some because they spend the entire time cooking for family who don't seem to appreciate it, some because they are single and wish they weren't, some because they are married and wish they weren't, some because they have to work while others have the day off, some because they would rather be working.

And I think it's common that holidays make people stop to question what they are doing in life and compare themselves to other people, which just makes most people feel bad about themselves. Believe me some of the people who act the most upbeat on holidays are really just as depressed and unhappy about it. Some of the people who seem to have it all in life are just as depressed. I don't know if this helps, and I'm not in any way trying to invalidate your feelings by saying it is common to feel this way. Actually I think what makes it so difficult is the fact that it IS common but so many people feel like they have to put on an act and pretend things are fine. It's not real and you can feel that for the 2 hours or however long you have to sit with people doing that.

I avoid invitations when I can, most of the time I force myself to go to those invitations.

To me "spending time with relatives" means sitting bored in a corner in an overwhelming environment hoping nobody sits next to me. I don't talk to any of them, and I tend to avoid eating for sensory reasons. I haven't seen most of my relatives for a couple years, some for 10-ish years, and some I've never spoken a word to in my life. I've mostly avoided going to family events since I was a teenager (i.e. when my parents stopped forcing me to go). I don't get many invitations to decline, though.

I do have to go to dinner at my parents' tonight, but I'll be the only one there, they understand that I'll only speak a few sentences, they'll have "sensory-friendly" food, and I can leave whenever I want, so it's not too bad. Plus there'll be wine.

Yes - I've been known to bow out of the big family get together things. Much prefer seeing family in small groups - having the whole herd there all at once is too much.

I just got home. It wasn't quite as good as I'd expected. When I got there my mother was calling to invite my uncle, even though they'd assured me that I would be the only one there. Thankfully he declined. Then dinner was an hour and a half later than I was told. Then they got mad at me because I didn't eat at the table. Eating at the table is weird and uncomfortable. Who thought sitting directly across from someone and staring at them was a good convention for eating. They tried to extort me to eat at the table by withholding wine. (I just took the bottle and poured myself a few glasses. At least I got drunk.

I like spending time with relatives in small doses but I get board very quickly.

I love being with my family. I don't have to socialize with them to want to be with them. I am just there. I do my own thing like computer or video games so I am not bored and won't get anxious.