Rage!! "You're not autistic, you're an extrovert"

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So I go to this semi-regular group therapy thing.

It was on yesterday and when it was my turn to talk, I explained I had discovered that I score extremely highly in all the 3 tests (ritvo, aspie quiz & baron-cohen) and for the first time in my life the problems I have struggled with make sense to me.

The first thing this guy who's always wanting to put a word in edgeways (you know the type, male, 50-60 yrs old perhaps, always thinks that he needs to contribute to whatever anyone else has just said) shouts in my face: "You're not autistic, you're an extrovert!"

I was taken aback. After the session, I confronted him. He at first refused to give me space to talk and kept repeating "you're not autistic, I've seen autistic people, you're an extrovert, you look people in the eyes" and after the 5th time I start shouting at him "I am not an extrovert, I just spent 3 months not leaving the house which is why you haven't seen me here at the sessions; you have no right to tell me who I am because I have lived with myself for XX years and for the first time in my life things make sense to me"

He continues arguing, I continue shouting, eventually he resigns "I personally wouldn't want to use a diagnosis as a crutch; I am just a lazy person and I wouldn't need a diagnosis; but I can't affect what you want to think of yourself"

Seriously makes me want to punch the f****r. My whole life I've been dominated by others (mainly men) who are such loudmouths and want to define me as their Manic Pixie Dream Girl without any consideration to the fact that behind their perceptions is a real human being with her own life.


GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. So apparently coming out of the closet with my soon-official-diagnosis (it's in the process) will be hell, because I look people in the eyes and smile. Awesome. Just like when I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago. Nobody had noticed it for the first 10 years, because as my first therapist explained to me, "people look at you and they see a pretty and smart girl, and they have no idea that you would be hugely struggling with something"

Wanted to vent to people who might possibly understand and would love to hear if you have similar experiences too and how you have coped.

I think this is a big problem. I see this happening with a number of women. I have seen this happen at a GRASP meeting.

I also perceive that it happens quite a bit among autistics both out in the world and online, notably here.

A common belief among non-autistic people seems to be that autistic people should all be like a particular person they have internally matched to the word autism. This model could be Dustin Hoffman in Rainman or a relative or person in their community. They look at a person who has been identified as autistic through gossip or self disclosure and say, "Can't be! Not like my model for that."

The same basic mechanism seems to be at play among many autistics, like the guy who got up to question the lady at GRASP meeting, but in these cases the model is themselves and the objection takes the form, "You are not just like me, therefore you are not autistic."

I think people are more likely to deny a woman in this situation because of sexism, though they will certainly apply the same broken logic to men.

Here at WP, as at GRASP, it's a not acceptable to question the diagnosis of others, so people usually do this by proxy, arguing that unspecified people (like you) have made false self-diagnoses or been misdiagnosed by incompetent or corrupt professionals who (and this phrase was used a lot here last year) "hand out diagnoses like candy."

As far as I have been able to discover, there is no basis in fact for such claims.

I am sorry that you go through this. If my observations and analysis of these patterns of denial and sexism are correct, this wont stop when you have a professional diagnosis.

I think a more effective strategy than declaring your diagnosis may be to discuss the symptoms. As Tony Attwood suggests, you can say, "I'm the sort of person who..." and then mention the specific behavior that you think may be an issue between yourself and the person the you are talking to.

In the context of a support group, I think it would unwise to get in personal conflict with other group members. Instead you could say, "I can understand why you might think that, but it comes down to ignorance. I am not interested in your opinion about this and I came here for support. If you can't be supportive, please don't discuss me at all."

I wish you well.

When I came out as autistic to friends and family I got this a lot. So many people said straight up "You are NOT autistic!" mind you I have two children who are autistic. My son is non-verbal and my daughter is very outgoing.

I am a woman, we often have different traits than men do. I have lived 38 years with autism so I have learned to adjust my life to blend in.

The deal is they do not have the right to tell you otherwise, especially in a situation like that, it is down right degrading and disrespectful. I would personally make a formal complaint.

Extroverted aspies are rare, but they are a thing. Even though most of the personality tests I've taken pin me as a major introvert, I find I actually enjoy good conversation. Of course, I have my limits, and I can be quite antisocial, particularly when there are too many people around, but when I'm online, or with a good friend or two, then I can be quite the chatterbox.

I think it just comes down to how comfortable I feel in different situations; dealing with a large number of people face to face, I get very nervous. Put the Internet in between as a filter, and make all of the communication text-based, then most of the pressure is relieved.

So, I don't know, what the heck do you call an "introvert" who loves to chat? I guess the closest description would be an aspie.

I enjoy chatting, too--but not with too many people around. When there's lots of people around, I just like to blend in with the furniture.

The stereotype with autism is that the autistic person is so "into him/her self, and that they are "in their world"--invariably, these people, according to the stereotype, would therefore not be ones to want to initiate conversations with other people.

Frankly, not many people know autistic people. This lack of knowledge leads to a belief in stereotypes.

Yeah, the less people know about a condition, the more they will embrace stereotypes. Last year, I was talking with my ex-girlfriend about my suspicions that I may be an Aspie. Her response was that I couldn't be autistic because I wasn't clumsy. I never brought it up with her again after that.

I've been told this by many people, many times. It drives me up the wall.

I consider myself to have been fairly outgoing as a young child, but I also recall enjoying doing things alone a lot as well. I was talkative, but tended to just sort of barge into already established friend groups at school. Once I hit secondary school, that all changed. I became more introverted, possibly as a result of all my failed attempts at making friends, and have remained fairly introverted ever since. I have some days where I am chatty, and talk too fast, but it is believed I may also have ADD so that might account for that. If I can get into discussing something that is of great interest to me, I can talk a lot. But, in my daily life, I do my best to avoid talking to people, and hate being approached by strangers.

Autism is a spectrum. Some people will have stronger deficits in some areas than others. Some will be introverts, some will be extroverts. One can be an extrovert and still struggle to conform to and understand the social rules and nuances, making lots of mistakes in the process of their extroverted interactions.

I can actually be very talkative too. I've had people tell me I'm not autistic because I talk so much. It really sucks because of how everyone perceives those on the spectrum. It goes to show you that the world just doesn't understand any of it. ._.

My family know about my diagnosis but have offered no opinion at all about it - not in front of me or my mum at any rate. For all I know, they could've been rolling their eyes behind my back and saying "she's not autistic!" for the last few months. However, nobody in their wildest dreams would call me an extrovert, chatterbox, or people-pleaser.

Anyway, your anecdote is the main reason why I don't publicly speak about my autism, topic creator. To be honest, I was a little surprised there was no leader or supervisor in charge to stop the man from hounding you: if he was actually shouting, then that's verbally agressive behaviour. I might expect a bit better from group therapy, but I have no faith in the general public as a whole to care about autism or understand any of its nuances. I wouldn't be ashamed of admitting I had the diagnosis, but somebody would have to demonstrate an active, non-hostile interest first before I opened up about it.

An ambivert. (It's the one in the middle).

One old friend thought I could not possibly have Asperger's/Autism because she thought I was nice and that I cared about anyone except myself. This was someone who once worked as a psychiatric nurse - albeit about 35 years ago. There seems to be many popular myths about Autism.

That guy's just an ass.
Lots of people are asses.
Whether you're "perfectly" Autistic or not is irrelevant compared to the question of, "does this answer best fit with what we know currently?"

Who in their right mind would doubt your clearly powerful reaction to this answer? Only a rutabaga.

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For years I used to "joke" that 'I was either a shy extrovert or an outgoing introvert but couldn't figure out which.'

Now I know I'm an outgoing introvert.