Do you think an Aspie could get along with an ADDer?

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agwood
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30 Nov 2014, 6:19 pm

I came up with this idea that ADHD and Apsergers are like the Yin & Yang of the same thing. Both can have serious problems with fitting into society, and with self-regulation.
But the interesting thing is how they oppose each other in terms of communication.
The person with ADHD is capable of understanding social norms IF the information gets to their head (which it rarely does because of their restlessness).
On the other hand, the person with Aspergers had no problem taking in the information, but cannot process it correctly.
It's like 2 separate points on a bridge: the ADHD person has a block at the beginning, and the Aspergers person has a block at the end.

So I wonder, have any of you guys met anyone from the opposite end, and did you get along at all?

It was interesting for myself, as a kid, although most of my classmates wanted nothing to do with me (I would assume because of my hyperactivity, or 'immaturity' as they put it) I remember getting on well with people that, looking back, would seem to fit neatly in the mild-autism scale.
Mostly because they (for some reason) never got irritated by my behaviour. I could happily be the restless lunatic and never get judged.



dianthus
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30 Nov 2014, 6:25 pm

agwood wrote:
I came up with this idea that ADHD and Apsergers are like the Yin & Yang of the same thing. Both can have serious problems with fitting into society, and with self-regulation.
But the interesting thing is how they oppose each other in terms of communication.
The person with ADHD is capable of understanding social norms IF the information gets to their head (which it rarely does because of their restlessness).
On the other hand, the person with Aspergers had no problem taking in the information, but cannot process it correctly.
It's like 2 separate points on a bridge: the ADHD person has a block at the beginning, and the Aspergers person has a block at the end.


This is a super interesting idea. I have to think about this some more.

What about people who have both? It's common to have both.



Taylor1002
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30 Nov 2014, 6:39 pm

I think that Aspies and people with ADHD can get along with each other.

I was diagnosed with AS and ADHD inattentive type when I was a child, and my brother probably has ADHD. We get along well and we've always been close. I also have a friend IRL who has been diagnosed with AS.



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30 Nov 2014, 6:40 pm

One of my best friends has ADHD. We get along fantastically because we are both insane. :)


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Dione
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30 Nov 2014, 6:56 pm

My husband has bipolar 2 and inattentive type ADHD, while I have Asperger's syndrome and social anxiety disorder. We have our share of disagreements, but marital counseling and medication for both of us seems to have helped a lot of our communication problems. For us, we got along mostly well, but there were occasional blocks to understand each other. The marital counseling has allowed us to communicate, and the medication we each take allows us the balance we each needed.



agwood
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30 Nov 2014, 7:01 pm

Dione wrote:
My husband has bipolar 2 and inattentive type ADHD, while I have Asperger's syndrome and social anxiety disorder. We have our share of disagreements, but marital counseling and medication for both of us seems to have helped a lot of our communication problems. For us, we got along mostly well, but there were occasional blocks to understand each other. The marital counseling has allowed us to communicate, and the medication we each take allows us the balance we each needed.


Interesting. What was it that drew you both together? (If I may ask)



Dione
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30 Nov 2014, 11:18 pm

agwood wrote:
Dione wrote:
My husband has bipolar 2 and inattentive type ADHD, while I have Asperger's syndrome and social anxiety disorder. We have our share of disagreements, but marital counseling and medication for both of us seems to have helped a lot of our communication problems. For us, we got along mostly well, but there were occasional blocks to understand each other. The marital counseling has allowed us to communicate, and the medication we each take allows us the balance we each needed.


Interesting. What was it that drew you both together? (If I may ask)


Absolutely. We met at a scouting event where we had to do a trust fall; I was partnered up with him and was not aware that he weighed more than my lifting capacity. He wouldn't let me live it down, which made me think he was a jerk, but then we started talking and I told him about the small charter high school I went to. He enrolled the next year, and we discovered we had similar tastes in music, movies, and books. A year later, we started dating, and we married five years later.



agwood
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02 Dec 2014, 6:01 am

Dione wrote:
agwood wrote:
Dione wrote:
My husband has bipolar 2 and inattentive type ADHD, while I have Asperger's syndrome and social anxiety disorder. We have our share of disagreements, but marital counseling and medication for both of us seems to have helped a lot of our communication problems. For us, we got along mostly well, but there were occasional blocks to understand each other. The marital counseling has allowed us to communicate, and the medication we each take allows us the balance we each needed.


Interesting. What was it that drew you both together? (If I may ask)


Absolutely. We met at a scouting event where we had to do a trust fall; I was partnered up with him and was not aware that he weighed more than my lifting capacity. He wouldn't let me live it down, which made me think he was a jerk, but then we started talking and I told him about the small charter high school I went to. He enrolled the next year, and we discovered we had similar tastes in music, movies, and books. A year later, we started dating, and we married five years later.


Wow. You could write a movie about something like that.



BuyerBeware
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02 Dec 2014, 7:52 am

I'm an Aspie; my son, my husband, my MIL, one of my middle daughter's friends, one of my friends' kid, two of my cousins, possibly my uncle, and a couple of my friends have ADHD.

Mixed bag. I get along pretty well with my son (given that he's only 7). I have been known to say that we compliment each other pretty well: I make sure he dots his i's and crosses his t's (homework gets done and fussy little things like that), and he with his constant scanning of the environment notices things I miss.

Honestly I get on pretty well with ALL the ADHD kids (maybe except the son of my friend, but I think that has more to do with his mother's insistence on letting him be in charge of the house and her total failure to discipline blatant disrespect than his actual ADHD).

I do all right with my ADHD friends. Of course, they're FRIENDS (and therefore equals), not authority figures whose approval I must hang onto at any cost like a husband or a MIL, and therefore I'm not afraid to call them out on impulsive choices or let the nasty things that come out of their mouths tear me apart. I can just sort of, you know, take them for what they are and let them do the same.

I've had more problems with the cousins. I used to follow along with whatever silly, impulsive things they did (even though I knew they weren't thinking of consequences and even though I most assuredly was). That's probably X% responsible for some of the problems with self-confidence and self-assertion I have today. The impulsive s**t that comes out of their mouths doesn't bother me as much as it used to (because now I realize that they also are imperfect beings and because they have less power over my life than they did two decades ago), but it was very bothersome during the formative years.

I've had TONS of problems with the husband and the MIL. They have the power to take my children and destroy my life almost on a whim. They are my superiors and can do to me whatever they please. My life, my worth, the roof over my head, and access to my children hinges on their pleasure. I can't stop replaying every nasty, hurtful thing they've ever said to me; my instinct is to make my days revolve around avoiding their judgment and disapproval. IT HURTS, to the point that I'm a sorrowful, resentful, nervous wreck. I don't know how to fix it (other than to find a way to make myself not-autistic, which is not forthcoming).

Hubby says we compliment each other well. I suppose this is true, at least in the respect that my need for obsessive contingency, budget, and financial planning and my hard-headed insistence on persistence has kept him from making some of the classic ADHD life mistakes (a lot of which his mother is still digging out of). By and large, though, I don't see it.

All I see is that we have set ourselves up for a lifetime of push-pull, constant strife and constant resentment each of the other.

And that I'm thankful that, while I know our son got the ADHD, think our middle daughter may have as well, and I'm starting to wonder about the baby too, it does actually appear that NONE OF THEM GOT BOTH.


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agwood
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02 Dec 2014, 8:32 am

BuyerBeware wrote:
They have the power to take my children and destroy my life almost on a whim. They are my superiors and can do to me whatever they please. My life, my worth, the roof over my head, and access to my children hinges on their pleasure.


jesus christ



agwood
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02 Dec 2014, 10:38 am

From reading the ''100 ways to annoy an Aspie'' thread, it would seem like a match made in hell!



fragmentaerie
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02 Dec 2014, 4:31 pm

My brother and I get along okay and he has some kind of ADD.
My nephew (who I suspect has ADHD, and I am trying to get my sister to have him assessed for it) drives me insane and thinks it's hilarious to push all my buttons.
My chem lab partner in high school had ADD, and while he could annoy me by making me repeat myself a dozen times, he is also one of very few people that could make me laugh consistently. SO even if he put me in a crappy mood, he could (and would) get me out of it.
I think it depends more on the individual people than anything else. I have a personality other than Aspie, and ADDers have a personality aside from the ADD.



grbiker
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02 Dec 2014, 4:37 pm

I was diagnosed with ADD-inattentive before being diagnosed HFA (Aspergers) with co-morbid ADD.

I don't always get along well with myself. :P



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02 Dec 2014, 4:41 pm

I have both and can very happily spend a whole day being amused by myself.


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