I'm bored with this life.

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Robbie Williams summed up perfectly how I feel in his lyrics of Feel, "I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either".

I'm bored with this life. There's nothing left here for me anymore. I just want to go!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I'm sick of this!! !! !! !! !! !!

Just watched that vid you mentioned:



Do you own any of these yourself?

It's called "anhedonia" or the inability to take pleasure in things. You know, everything looks gray and all that, or if it goes to the point of derealization, everything looks like it's some wax creation that you can almost imagine melting if the sun would ever start shining again, which somehow it doesn't even though there is not a cloud in the sky and it's noon. It gets pretty trippy.

I'm a fairly salty survivor of severe depressive episodes.

"I woke up and I had a big idea
To buy a new soul at the start of every year
I paid up and it cost me pretty dear
Here's a hymn to those that disappear"
---"Buying a New Soul," by Porcupine Tree

For a while the only thing keeping me alive was a feeling of responsibility towards my mum and sisters. However, I eventually realised too that what I wanted wasn't actually to die, but to start living.

The problem is that I seem to have lost control over my own life and got stuck in what seems like an inescapable rut due to a mixture of a) people constantly using/taking advantage of me and b) a dire financial position as a result of people taking advantage of me.

That and a mixture of ongoing confusion about my sexuality and religion, and an unfortunate abundance of other bad family circumstances, such as a sister that seems to attract the wrong sort of people and my mum's health being in deterioration (as she also seems to have spent her life being paid little while solving other people's problems).

Making the assumption that your feelings come from a similar source than mine, I think the answer is that we need to somehow find a way to regain control over our lives, whether it means learning to put ourselves first, trying something different career-wise until we're back on our feet financially or something else.

Until then, chin up and don't listen to those dark thoughts. I find music helps.

No unfortunately. I've recently had some nesting in my gutter and wanted to grab a nestling to look after but my ladder wasn't high enough. I'm planning on putting breeding boxes down the backyard so I can get a nestling but I need money to buy a cage, food etc.

This cheered me up somewhat. Thank you.

Thank you! I didn't know there was a word for it but that pretty much sums it up succinctly for me!

There's a place in your profile to enter your signature. You don't need to make it part of your post.

Oh, are they quite common in your region?

Oh, no! I was actually suggesting the words of the song might be relevant to how you are feeling. You can try opening up to the world again as if it is new to you, as if everything in your environment were something you were seeing for the first time. Just scan your environment for stuff to take in, and just take in the imagery in all of its detail. Think about where it might have come from, and let your imagination brush across it for a few seconds before moving on to something else. Ask questions about things, and don't just take things for granted. You can learn everything you need to know about making the world an interesting and exciting place to live from a toddler. They have great wisdom.

However, it also means letting go, deep in your heart, of the idea that you really understand anything at all, which is a very frightening precipice to take a dive off of. There is a sort of internal "death-and-rebirth" thing that you can do, sort of like a built-in "reset button" if you can find it.

Extremely. They were introduced to Australia back in th 1860's.

Everybody else hates them. They refer to them as flying rats.

I love 'em. They're a Special Interest of mine but I don't know why. Isn't that just like your Special Interests?! You don't know why you have them. You just have them!

Of course.