"Self-discovery" and "self-creation" metaphors

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It seems to me that in the common narration about diagnosing autism in adults or teenagers (and most other stuff as well) only “self-discovery” metaphor is used. There are plenty of accounts of people having this “wow, that’s me effect” when they found out about autism, and almost none of people having serious doubts. And if someone has doubts, it's just called impostor syndrome, as if one needed any more syndromes That’s a bit perplexing for me, because I never felt like I discovered anything in myself (it applies to all stuff, not only autism). Also, that makes me wonder if my diagnosis isn’t just a side effect of the expanded criteria and subjectivity of a diagnostic process.

But maybe I just don’t understand the “self-discovery” metaphor. For me it requires this sudden feeling of revelation, e.g. you're reading about autism and intuitively feel that’s the right description of you. I never had such feeling – I have to consciously interpret myself using “raw data” of my emotions, experiences and behaviours on the one side, and on the other side - labels and theories from science and culture. I see myself as divided into two parts. The first one is the emotional-mechanical part, which is anxious, avoidant, dysregulated, and, unfortunately, makes most decisions in my life. The second is the rational part, which tries to understand the first part by conscious analysis. If that counts as self-discovery, than ok, case closed, but it feels much more like self-creation for me. There is no self without unifying the raw data in one way or another – and, probably, there is more than one way to do it.

I didn’t always feel this way. Before reaching adulthood, I hoped that the first part will eventually mature and gain some “adult intuitions”. Besides, I lacked mental tools to analyse myself – Polish education is very poor in teaching rational thinking and argumentation. So, I began the second major in cognitive science, partly to escape adulthood, partly because it was interesting, and partly to, maybe, understand myself better. And there I learned about analytical philosophy – the kind of philosophy that uses logical analysis, somewhat similar to mathematical logics. I didn’t become a professional philosopher, but liked the precise language of this field and started to imitate it in daily thinking, also about myself. When the rational part of my mind had the reason (falling behind in “adulthoodness”) and the tool (language of analytical philosophy), it started the ever-going process of self-interpretation and self-creation

I don’t know if it makes much sense The questions for you are:
• How do you understand self-discovery, self-creation, self-interpretation or other self-somethings?
• Do you also have something similar to this discrepancy between emotional-mechanical part and rational part? I know that the idea of “emotions vs. rationality” conflict is as old as the world, but I guess most people don’t feel it that way. Rather, emotions are used to guide reasoning and the following actions are seen as consistent with the unified self. Or something like that
• For those diagnosed in adulthood or later teenage years, did you have this “wow, that’s me” effect at some point, or rather, did you slowly accept it as “the least improbable explanation, given current knowledge”?

Sorry for any grammatical (or other) errors. I didn't sleep well tonight

I call it interpreting myself because when I found out who I really am, that's what I was doing. I was looking for past clues as to what shaped me into the person that I am today. All that started in the early January of 2016.

I don't have such narrative...
Had I've been underdiagnosed, I'll likely fail to self diagnose because I cannot relate to a lot of the common circumstances.

All I kept discovering is how I get increasingly less relatable towards the common experiences and circumstances of most autistics.
Not because I'm 'less autistic and relate more to NTs' -- I relate to NTs even less in fact. But more like my reactions are just different, things that many autistics go through -- I surpass them, work around with it, etc.

It helps or do not help at all that I seem to be outgrowing things...
Like how to many, trauma and mental health issues are a fixed thing and some even considered it as "a part of their autism" -- while that's something I want to figure it out and eventually overcome, which I did more than few times.

From the way they react to situations, to how they approach certain issues...

Oh sure I have sensory issues, but that did not made me avoidant or addicted.
Oh sure, I had some anxiety issues that spanned for years, except, instead, I overcame it before adulthood. Without medications. Without therapy.
Oh sure I have social issues, but I don't feel loneliness or mourning over missed opportunities and whatever typical ideas of success even meant.

While I know I have something that many do not have...
... I'd rather know what others have that I don't, more like it.

Instead of looking at other autistics trajectory and fates as if it's something I'll relate to or have to look forward to, most of it are pitfalls, things I'd rather dodge out of the way.

I don’t know if it makes much sense The questions for you are:
• How do you understand self-discovery, self-creation, self-interpretation or other self-somethings?

• Do you also have something similar to this discrepancy between emotional-mechanical part and rational part? I know that the idea of “emotions vs. rationality” conflict is as old as the world, but I guess most people don’t feel it that way. Rather, emotions are used to guide reasoning and the following actions are seen as consistent with the unified self. Or something like that

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