Having been a member of a number of online forums, what I see is not unusual.
The truth is, people come here for many reasons--and not all the same reasons. People have different levels of tolerance for discord and "nastiness." Some people are much less sensitive to attacks, perceived and real. Some people think that disagreeing with someone means you hate them or don't support them. Some people feel that in order to support someone, they have to disagree if they feel they are wrong.
The truth is, this is a community. Communities are living, breathing things. Some aspects are great, some are not. It's part of life, unless you create a conformist community where the norm is that you must agree with everyone else at all times. There will be a$$hats wherever you go in life, but one thing I remind myself is there may be a good reason they act the way they do, so I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt, or at least try to accept people the way they are, even if it is a bit rough around the edges.
One of the aspies I have learned the most from and who has made the greatest positive impact on me regarding autism and how to raise my kids would probably best be described as a cantankerous bast*rd. Sometimes I felt like I was literally the only person in the world who liked him. Some people here might even be able to guess who I am talking about, though I don't know if he has ever posted here; he's been around, though. Anyway, when you peeled back all the external...crap...he's actually a respectable guy, and he helped me through a really painful situation. No, he wasn't all compassionate and "huggy-wuggy" but in his own way, he really went out of his way to make sure I was OK. I think a lot of his posturing has to do with self-protection (he has truly been hurt) and I think a lot of it has to do with seriously not understanding how he comes off, and a lot of it has to do with seriously being tired of trying to understand how he comes off and no one appreciating or caring anyway. And part of it is he is a cantankerous bast*rd. But he has value nonetheless. So do the posters here.
I am only responsible for what I post, and I can control what I read. On occasion, someone will post something that I find so asinine that I can hardly control myself. When I am at my best, I just stop reading that thread. When I am at my worst, I say things that probably do not make the situation any better. I know I shouldn't engage, I know it will be useless, and I do it anyway.
And sometimes, if I am being completely honest, I am not in the best place myself and it feels momentarily good to allow myself to just say what I want without thinking of the consequences. And sometimes I feel like fighting with someone, but I refuse to do it with the people IRL because fixing it takes too much work.
Once again, it is proven that brevity is not my strength, but what I am trying to say is everyone is different; people need different things; you can control what you post and what you read. You cannot control what other people write. And to be honest, a community of conformity would not be a good place for a bunch of aspies and auties, anyway. It seems to me that people on the spectrum face too much pressure to conform IRL. They shouldn't have to do it here, too.
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Mom to 2 exceptional atypical kids
Long BAP lineage