Help me... I don't understand what happened!

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I'd been talking to a man online for several months and he wanted to meet. He flew from Vancouver to Toronto which cost him well over one thousand dollar.

We met at the airport and he was so gentle, considerate, loving, affectionate, romantic. I was falling in love.

We came back to my place and he was still loving and even planning our life together.

We slept together, cuddling, so happy. But the next morning he got up, no romance, and told me in a cold voice that he was leaving. No explanation why. And he was gone.

I'm crying and depressed and I feel it's something I did to drive him away. I hate myself. What could have happened like this overnight?

that's weird he may have something wrong with him

Girl, you've been played.

Believe it or not, there are men (and women, too) who use the Internet to search for trusting, vulnerable people (such as yourself) to take advantage of and then abandon without remorse.

If you've been physically intimate with him, then schedule an appointment with your OB/GYN right away to determine if he has given you an STD. A man like him has probably done this many times, with many other girls, and has likely acquired chlamydia or some other such infection.

Let's hope it isn't AIDS.

I suspect that we all build up profiles of people we only know over the Internet that would rarely match people in real life.

Okay, I had a relationship with ONE guy I knew over the Internet. We had been talking for a year before we met face-to-face. I had been putting him to bed over the phone every single night, with few exceptions, for months, and waking up with him in the morning.

Basically, if a guy just met you online and wants to come into your home, watch out. He's out for himself...from the beginning.

PLEASE, make an appointment with a counselor. They are there for this sort of thing.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You should hate him, not yourself. The person you thought you were getting to know was a construct designed to manipulate you. The real person is a user and he worked you into the role of victim. Don't for a moment believe that he actually is that "nice guy" and something you did made him leave.

Forgive yourself for allowing him to deceive you--self recrimination does no good.

But do get some emotional support and do get checked for STDs if you had sex with him.

Take good care of yourself.

Yeah, you got gipped. I know he seemed legit with the whole planning out a baby and life mess, but why would a man that just met you want to do that? Why not just chill and enjoy the company?

Don't be depressed or hate yourself. As many said, you aren't the problem. He just tried on you a classic move in the players handbook: sex through vulnerability by way of quickly planning a future together. Now that you know this, you are wise to his actions.

:-/ Sorry that this happened.

Okay. Unless you see an ticket, did this guy actually fly in from Vancouver? Or did you pick him up with no claim tickets on his bag?

I doubt he flew in just for you. It might have been for business, or for family and you were a stop over. Hook ups are really common and so is booty call.

This dude has a wife/girlfriend or fiancee in the area. You got used.

Did you do a Google search on him or a minimum White Pages check to see if that wasn't an alias?

I wouldn't long distance relationship anyone without me Googling, running the name through the convicted felons registery, sex offender registery and maybe pay the $50 for an actually background check. That much distance makes it easy to lie.

Online chatting does not equal face to face time. He told you everything wanted to hear, and you believed him.

Get to the free clinic and get a check up just incase.

This guy just MIGHT have been legit, and I have walked out of relationships because after the second time dating, I knew there was no chance in hell it would work out. Though I find this unlikely your case.

Anyway. Dust yourself off and move on. At least he didn't rob/steal from you or ask for boat loads of cash.

PLEASE BECAREFUL! Thank your lucky stars this fool just broke your heart. You're only crime is you were just really naive. He is a total douche bag.

On the small chance this guy was legit..

Had you been talking about a heavy duty commitment up front? Like I'm dating to get married, not just dating for friendship (there are different layers to dating commitments).

Did you met him on a date to mate site like eharmony? Where everyone there is looking to get married.

Because if everything online was light, cheerful, fun, with no mention of marriage or "spend our life together" stuff, that would be a reason for him to bale. I did that when I dated a man three times, he then started to talk about marriage. I bolted because that is something I would have not done with him.

Guys are bad about confrontation. I could see many men thinking, "Oh hell no." Then pulling that in the that in the morning.

I personally would not have pulled the "planning our lives together" on the first meeting, UNLESS both parties knew going in that this is why we were dating.

Hugs...

Tawaki

I add my second response because you really made me think.

I know many guys who have not not confront a woman who brought up that conversation. Maybe he did feel he just wanted to chill, and the conversation got way too personal too fast.

Instead of saying, "Whoa nellie, this more than what I was bargaining for...", I know a few that would let the conservation go along, and leave like that in the morning.

I might do the same chicken s**t thing, if some dude was planning our our life after the first in real life meeting. UNLESS I knew that we both wanted that level of commitment.

Could be a case of too much to fast, and the guy hates confrontation.

Thought I do believe this dude has ties in the Toronto area. No crime in that though...

Just so sorry - that's horrible! Like the others have already posted, it's NOT your fault. No one can guess his reasoning, but you're better off without him. Meeting someone online is so dicey, and it seems you met the wrong one. Could you now protect your identity from him, just to make sure he doesn't con you further? Anyhow, take care. And move on.

When did this happen?

I have just seen your other thread about not being able to take care of yourself and am a bit concerned.

Sorry for your situation. You didn't deserve to be treated in this manner, but that's life. These things happen and you just have to move on with your life.
Toronto is a large city. You sound really nice. I'm sure there are guys out there who you're compatible with. How about if you want to continue to try to meet someone online again, you make it a condition that they live in Toronto. Get to know them online before you agree to meet them. Then when you think you are ready to meet with them, agree to meet on neutral territory, say a restaurant or cafe. It would be nice if the person paid for your meal or coffee. It means they're still interested. Do this again a couple of times.
Only then invite the guy back to your place if you think it's going to work out. Don't assume that the first guy you meet who shows an interest in you, is your Prince Charming, who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. It takes a bit of time dating different guys, to work out what person is suited to you and who isn't.

You didn't have sex with this guy, did you? If so, I hope he was using a condom because he could have gotten you pregnant, or even worse, an STD.

Maybe he simply realized he didn't have any chemistry with you in person and didn't see himself in a relationship with you? That happens sometimes after people meet each other. Don't take it so personally. It just is what it is. Accept the situation and move on with your life.

Just because someone may have slept with multiple partners doesn't automatically mean they have an STD.

It doesn't hurt anything to go to a free testing clinic and get tested, though. Better safe than sorry.

What a jerk. I'm afraid Fnord is right, this man only wanted to sleep with you

I have 2 stories for you:

Story #1: My husband and I had a friend who met an English guy (we are in the U.S.) and he played the guy in love with her (they even got married), until he got his "green card" (this took about 2 years, because there was issues with him, the government didn't want to even let him in, and she actually fought for him all this time), and he then told her that he never loved her at all. I tell you this story just so you know you are not alone, you have to be really careful, unfortunately there is quite a few jerks in this world.

Story #2, briefly: I also met my husband online and we have been together for over 15 years (we have our ups and downs like most couples tho). And I tell you this story so you don't lose hope.