Problem at assessment stage, can anyone help pls?

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Hello

I'm sorry I haven't posted for too long, I have been under some stress.

I have an appointment for an asperger's asssessment at the assessment centre on 11th December.
The assessor spoke to me on the phone and he is almost insisting that he must speak to someone who has known me the longest, in this case it will be my mum.
The trouble is, me and my mum have a bad relationship and we only keep in touch by facebook messaging.
She was mentally abusive and physically abusive while bringing me up, the pain caused me a lot of confidence problems, she is in denial about this, and therefore, this is why i thought it best to back away from her and just maintain the relationship via facebook.
When we are face to face my mum just puts me down.

I tried to tell the assessor this when we were on the phone but due to me freezing and being flustered it didn't come out properly.

It would be really stressful for me, getting someone (mum) who was my abuser, to talk to professionals about me.
In 2010 she spoke to my then therapist and the therapist said "when people are very stressed, they can be maipulative", to my mum, about me, meaning it in a very un-derogatorry way, but my mum twisted it and told me that the therapist said I was manipulative and my mum thought I was. Anyone who knows me knows I am not manipulative, in the way my mum meant.
I fear that my mum may try to stand in the way of me getting an asperger's diagnosis, but I have come on here to ask, do you think the asperger's assessment centre will think I am just messing them about, or not being serious about my assessment?
I really want to be assessed, I also want to be assessed for Adult Attention Deficit disorder and I don't want GP's or any other assessor to think I am just messing them around, but I am so scared to get my mum involved.
Please can anyone help?

Could you maybe write it all down and explain it in an email or something and then let the assessor read that? I don't know about you but for me it's easier to communicate in writing.

This sounds kind of strange. I didn't need to have anyone else talk with my evaluating Psychologist. He asked very specific questions. I did a few tests. I had two more sessions, three in total and 5 or 6 tests. The whole process took three months. I was finally diagnosed August 8th this year. It was a lot less torturous than I thought. He was a very calming presence.

For your situation, I would try to explain, in writing if you have to the relationship between you and your mother and why you think that her version of the facts may be not exactly the truth.

I think it's definitely understandable that the assessor wants to speak to a parent or someone who has known OP for a long time. Since autism is something that supposedly develops in childhood, it's good to talk to someone who was there to see if there were signs of autism back then. The psychologist who assessed me spoke to both of my parents and it helped.

That being said, I don't think you have to have the assessor speak to a parent or someone else (though it's an advantage) and the assessor certainly can't force OP to do anything they don't want.

As a life long condition, confirmation of it's existence in childhood is needed. School records, child psych could be used, in my case my sister was interviewed. Pros are well aware parental denial is common, so do email.

Thanks
I also communicate better in writing, but there is no email address.
Maybe I could write to them.
He did seem insistant on wanting to speak to my mum though.
He said it would be very very difficult without.

The assessor was really abrupt on the phone, and I was quite upset and saying the wrong things, so I hope he doesn't think I am being obstructive.

Hello

When you say do email, do you mean for me to write the assessor an email or do you mean, for him to communicate to my mum via email?

Also, I am 48 but have had a friend know me for 20 years, would this be a long enough time for someone to know me?

I am also wanting tests for adult attention deficit, by a separate assessment centre, will the adult attention deficit assessor also want to speak to relatives?

thanks

Apart from your mother, is there someone who could go in and talk with the psychologist? I think he is just wanting someone who could tell him about your childhood- he is looking for signs that you were displaying AS "symptoms" as a child. Anyone who knew you from childhood could actually go in. As for myself, both my parents are dead, so I took in the paperwork that I had from DCFS (Department of Child and Family Services) that detailed my growth while I was in the foster care system. That was enough for my specialist.

Hi, sorry for late reply. I got my mum to help in the end. She says she cannot remember lots of stufff about me, but she said I was a strange little thing, she didnt mean it derogatory, I said strange is good. x